


Autumn Breeze

by Shameless_J



Series: Breezes Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 1970s AU, Alcoholism, Alcoholism Recovery, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Beach bungalows, Biphobic!John Winchester, Civil Rights Lawyer!Sam, Closed Triad, Demisexual!Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Destielie, Dirty Talk, Doctor!Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friends then lovers, Frottage, Grief, Hospital Setting, Intercurral Sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mentions of minor character deaths, Multi, PSTD, PSTD Recovery, Polyamory, Rimming, Schmoop, Secretary!Josie, Triad - Freeform, Vaginal Sex, Vietnam Veteran!Dean, bisexual!dean, mechanic!Dean, mentions of previous miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:03:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 75,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shameless_J/pseuds/Shameless_J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which, Castiel, Dean, and Josie's story picks up where Summer Breeze left off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cas (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy Lovely Reader!  
> This is Part 2 of the Breezes Verse. Though it could possibly stand alone, I HIGHLY recommend reading Part 1 Summer Breeze.  
> Autumn Breeze has a much more emotional feel than Summer Breeze and will focus on the thought processes and background stories of each character and will eventually tie all of them back together to the present.  
> As with Summer Breeze, I will add tags and references in the end notes of each chapter.  
> Kudos and Comments are the air I breathe.  
> Also, if there is an item I didn't tag or something you'd like detail on before approaching a new chapter, please let me know, and I'd be happy to message you privately.  
> Thanks for reading! <3  
> P.S.  
> Chapter 1 of this part does not have a beta, so all mistakes are my own. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, we see the aftermath of Josie's departure from Cas' point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little angsty, a little fluffy, and also Destiel smut!

At first. it was like deja vu all over again.

Castiel stretched toward the center of the bed only to be greeted with a cold empty spot between he and Dean. He nosed the pillow and picked up the vague scent of coconut and sea salt which suddenly overwhelmed Castiel with a need to press his lips against Josie’s bare shoulder, but she was no longer in the bed.

He stretched and yawned as he bent forward and kissed Dean’s sleep pursed lips. Without opening his eyes, his sleepy husband kissed him back and mumbled incoherently.

After so many years together, Castiel knew that it must’ve been something along the lines of, “Leave me alone, I’m still sleeping.”

On workdays, Dean was usually the first one up and ready to go for the day, but on his days off, the man was more akin to a sloth than a person. Cas pecked him playfully on his freckled nose, and yawned as he stood up. The room was chillier than usual, so he threw on a pair of boxers and closed the window to stave off the cool wind that was sweeping into the bedroom.

Cas wondered where Josie was up and about so early, but stepped out of the room before calling out to her to keep from waking his grumpy cat of a husband.

“Josie!” Cas scratched his flat belly with a yawn as he stepped toward the closed bathroom door.

He knocked, but didn’t get an answer. Opening the door, he saw there was no one there.

A familiar and sudden sense of dread washed over him as he was met with the empty bathroom. He quickly scanned the kitchenette and the living area, and his heartbeat began to increase amid the vacant rooms.

 _Not again. Not again_ , he pled.

Stepping outside, the sky was overcast with unseasonably dark clouds that foreshadowed an impending rain.

Castiel crossed his arms over his bare torso to try and retain some warmth as he walked barefoot on the rough, concrete path toward the neighboring bungalow.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door slowly, but firmly.

After a few moments of silence, he knocked again louder.

_Still, no answer._

He worried his lip and began banging on the door harder. Still, no one came to the door.

Trying the doorknob, he realized that the door was locked. He peeked into the window, but there was no light and no movement inside.

His breaths came faster and more ragged as his desperate eyes scanned the sand for any speck of red and warmth. Castiel scanned twice and ran a nervous hand through his hair when his search didn’t pan out. He continued to hold onto some semblance of calm as he quickly made his way back into his bungalow.

Running inside, the wind slammed the door behind him.

Dean’s sleep addled form was poking out from the bedroom’s doorway.

“Babe, what the fuck is going on? I heard banging. Why are you slamming the door?” Dean said, his voice gruff from disuse and rubbing his eyes.

Cas couldn’t speak, he just stared at Dean.

“Babe, you look really pale. You’re scaring me,” Dean said, suddenly alert and walking toward Cas.

He wrapped an around him and lifted his chin up to look into the other man’s sad blue eyes.

“Fuck, Cas. You’re freezing. Baby, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Dean said, trying to rub some warm into his partner’s arms and back.

Castiel looked away from Dean for a moment. He didn’t want to frighten his husband, but he also couldn’t will words out of his own mouth to explain what he was feeling. If he spoke, somehow everything would be too real.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something on the kitchenette table that he had overlooked upon first inspecting the room when he got up initially.

The two envelopes with “Castiel” and “Dean” scrawled upon them couldn’t have been more inconspicuous, but they made the blue-eyed man’s blood run icy cold.

“Babe?” Dean said softly.

Castiel carefully pulled out of Dean’s touch and walked over to the table, and picked up the envelope with his name.

Dean walked over next to Cas, but he refused to touch the vellum with his name on it as if it was a snake that would bite him at any moment. His lip quivered for a moment, and his bright green eyes glossed over with a thin sheen of moisture, but he didn’t cry.

Standing stock still and barely speaking above a whisper, Dean croaked, “She’s gone.”

 

**************************************************************************************************

 

After a few somber moments of holding each other quietly, Dean went into the bedroom and put on his running shorts and tennis shoes. He didn’t have to tell Cas that he needed to go for a run to burn off some of the antsiness he was feeling.

 _Better that than the bottle_ , Cas told himself.

Castiel on the other hand wanted to lie in bed and pull the sheets over his head for the rest of the day. Instead, as if on autopilot, Castiel went about cleaning and tidying up their little bungalow. Josie’s absence weighed too heavily there, and he wanted nothing more than to get as far away from the twin bungalows and the beach as possible.

He stripped the bed of all the sheets and replaced them with a spare set, he packed up his clothes and Dean’s, and reset everything in the house as it was when they had arrived there at the beginning of the summer.

Once he was done, he made himself a cup of tea to further steady his shaking hands, and sat down at the kitchenette table to confront the letter that stared back at him.

Carefully, he opened the envelope lengthwise, and pulled out a sheet of blue lined paper.

 _She should’ve been a doctor_ , Castiel joked to himself about Josie’s sloppy handwriting.

He wasn’t much of a graphologist, but he surmised that Josie typically wrote fast with little care for how neat her letters looked. She always had so many ideas in her head and strove to exorcise them from her mind and onto parchment as quickly as she could.

The narrative in front of him was painstakingly writ, and he could tell that she was trying to slow her pen down, but it still came out looking a bit uneven and somewhat frantic.

He had a hard time reading it, not because of the poor penmanship, but because of the subject matter.

Essentially, Josie explained that she had had an unbelievable time, and that she was grateful that he and Dean had accepted her and shown her so much love. She also hoped that that he and Dean would keep in contact with her.

 _"...a call during the holidays might be nice,"_ she wrote.

 _You’ve been too deprived, my love_ , Castiel thought with a lurching in his chest.

He couldn’t understand why Josie was so malnourished in that way.

_How could such a bright, warm, and gorgeous woman not be shown love by someone? Doesn’t she have friends? Or even colleagues who show her affection?_

_No. She doesn’t_ , Cas answered his own question, and it broke his heart all over again to think that this woman- _his_ woman-was out in the world somewhere far away from him and without any real love to fill her.

The idea that she felt the need to thank him and Dean for being kind and loving toward her enraged him. It was an injustice that love and tenderness were not a part of her daily balanced diet.

Imagining his woman, flailing in the wind in a cold, dark city, hundreds of miles away from him and Dean made him feel as if he’d been sucker punched in the stomach.

He gripped the letter tightly and ran his hands through his whirlwind hair, and that’s how Dean found him when he finally came back from his run, covered in sweat and breathing hard.

“We fucked up, Dee,” Castiel said, surprised by the sound of his own voice.

Dean pointedly ignored what Cas said, and his shoulders tensed as he walked to the sink to get a glass of water. He gulped it down quickly and refused to look at Cas.

“She’s alone out there,” he said, more to himself than to Dean.

“ _She_ left _us_ ,” Dean said with little conviction, fascinated by the empty glass in his hand.

“She left because _we_ never asked her, Dean. We let her go. Why the fuck did we let her go!?” Castiel raised his voice angrily at Dean’s back.

 _Show you fucking care!_ he thought loudly.

He hated it when Dean bottled up his pain.

_But what else is new?_

“We should have asked her. We could’ve talked about it and worked something out! She didn’t have to leave, Dean. Fuck! Fuck!” Castiel yelled out, just as much frustrated with himself as with Dean.

Dean threw the painted glass in his hand in the sink, and the shattering erupted loudly in the little house.

“What the fuck do you want me to do about it, Cas?” Dean said in a quiet, but rough voice.

“I don’t know,” Cas admitted, “...She left a phone number.”

He really didn’t know what to do. It was too late.

 _She’s gone now...she could come back...but_ would _she? Her plane probably landed in Chicago already._

“That’s great, Cas. What am I gonna do with that?" Dean replied sarcastically,"You want me to call her? What am I gonna say? ‘Oh, hey, Jos, I know you _just_ got back home and all, but hey, you want to move to L.A.? I know we _never_ talked about it, and you have _no_ job and _no_ place to live out here, but you should come back any way’. It’s not gonna fly, Cas. Like you said, she’s an adult. If _she really_ wanted to stay with us in the first place, she could’ve said something too,” Dean said angrily.

Castiel pursed his lips hard.

“Clean that shit up. I’m gonna put the bags in the Impala. I wanna get as far away from here as possible,” Castiel said plainly.

 

*************************************************************************************************

 

“Dear Cassie, you look terrible. I would’ve thought a vacation would have been good for you,” Balthazar said, hugging his dour-faced cousin.

_Always so dramatic._

“Hello, Balthazar,” Castiel dead panned.

“What on Earth happened to you?” the fair-haired man asked with concern, holding Cas at arm's length.

Since Balthazar was in charge of caring for the Novak family’s bungalows, Cas dropped by the other man’s home in West Hollywood after work to return the rental keys.

They’d weighed heavily in his trench coat pocket for the past week, but he’d scarcely had time to drive all the way out to the West side of Los Angeles since getting back from vacation. In addition to that, Balthazar knew Cas too well, and the doctor didn’t want to deal with his cousin trying to get him to talk about what was wrong.

He wanted to make the visit as brief as possible, so he could rush home and wallow like he had been trying to do for the last several days.

Dean wouldn’t be home either. He’d been working long hours to catch up on all the restorations that had fallen behind because their clients claimed they needed Dean's _special_ _touch_. Most evenings, Castiel would sit at the dining table or the kitchen counter, and he ate dinner alone since Dean had ended up getting wrangled in to stay with the Singers for supper when he worked late.  

The raven haired man stood on the pathway to Balthy’s front door amid his lush front lawn garden and could not make this visit brief enough. His cousin stood shirtless in a pair of short, silky boxers and flip flops with a pair of Italian sunglasses covering his blue eyes.

“Are you and Dean fighting again? I thought you both were well past all that nonsense?” Balthy said in a hushed voice, taking off his sunglasses and leaned in toward Cas, placing a concerned hand on his arm.

“We’re fine. Everything is _fine_. I've just been working long hours at the V.A. and the clinic,” the lies flowed incredibly easy from Castiel’s lips.

“Well, Cassie, you do know that if _anything_ were the matter, you could always come to me, don’t you?” Balthy reassured, taking the keys from Castiel.

“Balth, I’ve gotta go. Eastbound traffic is going to be hellish at this hour, and I need to get home and make dinner,” Cas said, turning to leave.

Balthazar grabbed Cas’ wrist and pulled him into a warm hug. Cas just stood there waiting for it to be over.

 _It must have been so horrible for Balthy being the most affectionate member of the Novak clan_ , Cas sighed, _Blame it on his French father._

“I mean it, Cassie. You hold too much in. You’ve always been that way. I know you don’t want to talk about whatever is bother you, but when you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen,” he hugged Cas tighter.

Audibly, Cas sighed, knowing that Balth wouldn’t let him go until he hugged him back, so he reached up a hand and patted his cousin on the back.

“Was that so hard?” Balthazar said, finally letting Cas go.

“ _Traffic_ , Balth,” Castiel reminded.

“Yes, of course, darling. Run home and make dinner for your _gorgeous_ lug of a man of yours,” his cousin winked at him.

“Bye, Balthy,” Cas shook his head and rushed to get back inside his gold, Lincoln Continental.

It was a very ostentatious car for seemingly such a demur and serious man, but Castiel found it comfortable and just enough of a deviation from what people presumed him to be (cold, sour, stuffy), that he felt he had to buy it when he saw it on the used car lot he and Dean visited a year prior when his VW Bug had finally died. It was only a year old, and it was returned to the dealer because the original owner had defaulted on payments, but when Dean checked it out, and it was mechanically sound.

“It’s a fucking Pimpmobile, babe,” Dean had joked.

His husband tried hard to hide a smirk when Cas said originally said that he wanted _that one, the gold one_ , but the more Cas drove the giant boat of a car, Dean agreed that the Lincoln looked _damn good_ sitting next to Baby in the driveway.

Cas’ heart dropped, and he suddenly really _missed_ his husband.

Things had been a bit tense throughout the week because of Josie’s departure, and Castiel’s heart decided to remind him of all the stupid little things that Dean did or said that made him love the other man. Suddenly, Cas wanted nothing more than to be close to him, kissing him, and making love to him.

His gaudy car snaked up the windy 110 freeway as quickly as Cas could drive in the boxy vehicle up the tight curves to get to the Singers’ as quickly as he could.

It was about seven o’clock when he finally got to the garage and salvage yard.

The sun was just starting to dip down into the horizon when he ran up to see Dean’s _perfect_ ass bent over with his head buried under the hood of a 1956 Bel Air with faded red and white paint in one of the vehicle bays.

Cas didn’t even look to see if Bobby or anyone else was around. He just marched straight up to his husband.

“Dean,” he said loudly and firmly before pulling him forcefully from under the hood.

“Cas? What the fuck? You startled me. I’m working, babe. What are you doing?” Dean said angrily.

His face had a few dark smears, and his hands were thick with dark engine grease. He set the tools he’d been working with on the black and chrome tool box behind him.

“Need you. _Now_ ,” Cas declared firmly.

“Babe,” Dean exhaled sadly.  

Without letting the connotation of Dean’s tone affect him, Castiel tugged his mechanic by the sleeve of his dark blue coveralls toward the small office at the far end of the garage.

“Cas really? _Here_?” Dean asked, but followed Cas until they were both in the office and Castiel was locking the door behind them.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Castiel smirked at Dean.

Though it was still warm out, the doctor had taken to wearing his well loved , tan trenchcoat as a security blanket.

Pinning his lascivious gaze on his partner, Cas tore off his coat and lunged at Dean.

_Fuck, I’ve missed this._

It had been a week since Josie left them, and in that week, the couple had experienced a new level of awkwardness. They slept in the same bed and held each other without talking or really kissing, other than to offer each other comfort, but it was as if Josie had taken their passion with her when she left.

“Missed you, Cas. Mmm,” Dean muttered in between kisses as Castiel unzipped his dirty coveralls.

Dean’s greasy hands, pulled at Cas’ dark button up shirt, not caring how soiled they got or how many buttons were sacrificed in his haste.

Cas unbuckled the belt on Dean’s pants and popped the button fly jeans he wore under the thick coveralls. The doctor ran his long fingers underneath Dean’s white, ridged tank top and grabbed at the firm muscles of his husband’s torso.

 _Mine_ , he thought proudly and possessively, _I get to come home to_ this _. I get to touch_ him _. He loves_ me _. He wants_ me _._

Since coming back from vacation, Castiel had shaved off his beard, and Dean loved to mouth at his stubbled throat. His plump lips sucked marks into the doctor’s neck, making Cas moan into his kisses and touches.

“Dee,” Cas groaned breathily.

His husband smelled like sweat, sweet engine oil, and leather, and Cas couldn’t get enough of being close to him.

Dean growled as he helped Cas out of his pants while keeping his lips and teeth against the other man’s neck.

“Cas, missed you, baby. Want you, Sir. Please,” Dean panted against the crook of Cas’ neck.

“Yes, good boy. Want you in me. Fuck me, Dean. _Please_ ,” Cas begged.

“Baby, my hands are all greasy-” Dean said.

“I don’t care, Dean. Just, here,” Cas tugged down his own underwear, “Just touch me _anywhere_. I don’t care.”

Cas sucked on two of his fingers and coated them with saliva. Bent over on Dean’s paper-cluttered desk, Cas trailed a hand between his cheeks and circled a finger around his rim.

“Fuck. babe,” Dean ran a greasy hand up Cas’ back and nudged his erection against the other opened cleft of the other man’s ass.

Castiel dipped the tip of one finger in and quickly added a second. He scissored himself open as rapidly as he could because he was eager to be joined with his husband.

“Shit, Cas. You look so hot...opening yourself up for me, baby. Umm,” Dean bit his lip.

Cas’ position was a bit uncomfortable, but he was more than ready to go when he felt the firm head of Dean’s cock smearing precum against one of his cheeks.

“Ready, Dee. C’mon, good boy, give your Sir the sweet cock he needs,” Castiel said eagerly.

He opened his legs wider and used his fingers to spread himself open. The bent man could feel Dean’s spit trail down his cleft to his hole.

The mechanic used two oil stained hands to hold his husband’s cheeks apart as his thick cock breached Cas’ barely prepped hole.

“Cas. So tight. So tight. Should’ve worked your hole a little longer, babe. Don’t want to hurt you,” Dean strained to say as he pushed in very slowly.

“Don’t care. I want to _feel_ you, Dee. I want to feel my good boy making me _his_ again, claiming my ass. Ahhh,” Cas rambled desperately.

“Fuck, babe, love your dirty mouth. Huuuh,” Dean breathed hard as he steadily spread Castiel open.

“C’mon, Dee. I’m good. You can move. Want you to fuck me. C’mon, good boy, fuck my hole open. Leave me gaping like you know I should be. Fuck my ass, good boy. Yes! That’s it. Oooh yeah,” Cas coaxed Dean.

The mechanic peeled off his muscle shirt quickly before picking up the pace and grabbing Castiel’s hips to slam down hard, making loud slapping noises when his hips met the curve of his husband’s firm ass.

Castiel moved his hands onto the desk and braced himself against the heavy wood as he pushed his hips back hard to meet Dean in kind.

“Fuck, Dee! That’s it! Fuck my hole! Shit! Split me open! So fucking hungry for your thick cock, good boy. Uh uh! Ahhh!” Castiel said loudly with the side of his face plastered to a random invoice on the desk.

“Sirrr! You like your good boy’s cock? Like how I fill you up?” Dean draped himself over Castiel’s writhing form on the desk and laced his filthy hands in his husband’s.

“Yes, Dee. Such a _gooood_ boy! You fuck me so good! Only want your cock! Just yours. Keep fucking me! Keep fucking me!” Cas demanded.

He arched his neck back to press his lips against Dean’s.

The mechanic circled his hips in a slow and dirty figure eight until the tip of his cock found Castiel’s prostate.

“Fuck!” Castiel exclaimed when Dean hit that sweet spot hard.

“There we go. That’s what I was looking for,” Dean bit into Cas’ neck hard as his hips thrusted hard into Cas’s tender bundle of nerves.

“Don’t stop, Dee! Shit! Shit! I’m getting close. Keep going!” Cas muttered breathlessly.

“That feel good, Sir?” Dean murmured in Cas’ ear as he kept a steady rhythm.

“So good. So good. Fuck, Dean. Harder, good boy! Fuck me harder!” Cas begged.

Dean obliged and rammed into Castiel’s prostate harder making the other man scream out in ecstasy.

Suddenly, Cas spit into his own hand and reached down to palm at his engorged cock.

“That’s it, Cas. Mmm. I’m getting close too. I’m gonna fill you up. Leave the hole dripping. Is that what you want, Sir?” Dean licked into Cas’ ear.

“Yes, c’mon. Harder, Dee! Want to feel you cum in my tight hole. Please!” Cas shouted as he jerked his cock faster.

Dean straightened up so that his greasy stained hands were grabbing at Cas’ hips so hard, he was sure he was going to leave bruises. He snapped his pelvis faster and harder, making sure to hit Cas’ spot.

Castiel clenched around Dean’s cock, and his vision when white when his orgasm overtook him, and he kept stroking his cock until he’d spilled as much as he could over his fist and onto the linoleum floor at the foot of the desk.

“Sir, I’m gonna- _Fuck_! Cumming-I’m cumming!” Dean groaned loudly, and Cas felt relieved as his tight channel milked the hot pulsing liquid from Dean’s straining cock.

It took them several minutes to catch their breath. When Dean carefully pulled out, he retrieved a clean rag from his desk, and helped Cas clean up a bit before he sat on his heavy desk chair and pulled his dark haired husband to sit on his lap.

Cas laid his head on Dean’s panting chest and whispered, “I miss her.”

Dean took a deep breath in, before relenting, “Me too, babe.”

He stroked Cas’ shoulder in reassurance and kissed the top of his head.

Dean was supposed to have dinner with the Singers again that night, but Cas dragged him to the Lincoln and drove them both home. They ordered Chinese food and ate in bed, then cuddled close together, trying hard not to leave that once welcome Josie-sized gap between them.

 

***********************************************************************************************

 

Several weeks passed, but the memories of that summer continued to plague both Cas and Dean at home. There was an uneasiness between the two men. They still loved each other, perhaps _more_ than before, and knew that they would work through this just like every other major issue they had dealt with as a couple.

Though their anniversary and Cas’ birthday were a few days apart from each other in September, they were so busy with work that they celebrated both events in one day with a quiet steak dinner and debaucherous love making.  

Things were mostly good with their relationship, but they couldn’t help but be angry at themselves and each other for letting Josie go. Her shadow loomed heavily in their home and in their hearts, but they didn’t talk about her.

Avoidance was their coping mechanism of choice. Aside from that night of passion at the garage,  neither one of them talked about Josie or the beach or the bungalows. They went about their daily lives as usual with Dean buried to the elbows in car parts and grease as their custom orders were still  backed up since he’d decided to go on vacation. Castiel was also working extra long hours at the V.A., the local women’s clinic, and at County General.

What Dean didn’t know was that Castiel had been _volunteering_ for extra shifts. He wasn’t trying to avoid Dean necessarily. He missed his husband, and craved being held by him and making love to him, but he found it hard _not_ to think about the red hair that haunted his daydreams whenever he saw Dean.

If he filled his mind with trying to work triage among a room of 30 plus emergency room patients or treating a wounded warrior’s arthritis, he wasn’t thinking about what Josie might be doing or with who.

Summer was well over, and the leaves of a few of the nonperennial trees in their neighborhood were turning from green to gold, purple, and red.

 _Like the color of Josie’s hair_ , Cas couldn’t help but think whenever the light would fall just right on the big maple tree in their front yard.

The tree taunted Castiel, and it frustrated him that he couldn’t just _not_ think about her.

He’d been honest when he’d told Josie that generally, he didn’t sleep with people unless he was attracted to them on an intellectual or emotional level. Castiel had chosen his bedmates very carefully in the past.

His brothers had called him a “late bloomer” because he hadn’t really shown too much interest in sex until he was in college. He had a couple of girlfriends and one boyfriend, but aside from them and Dean, his partner, and more recently, Josie, Castiel did not sleep with people he didn’t have feelings for.

With partners before Dean, those relationships fizzled out naturally and for the most part mutually. Aside from Dean, Castiel never pined for anyone _this_ long. He knew better than to garner grand illusions about those previous lovers, and even with Josie, he let himself care without any real expectation of anything more.

He had Dean; he didn’t _need_ anyone else, but he _wanted_ Josie.

What was just as bad, if not worse than aching over the woman’s absence, was not being about to talk to Dean about it.

His Adonis was slipping into old habits.

One morning in mid October, Cas was taking out the garbage cans to the curb when he heard the rattle of empty glass bottles. The shrill clinking sent a chill down his spine.

 _Dean, no_ , he thought with a familiar dread that cloaked him like an old dark friend.

Cas refused to open the metal can to look. He refused to believe that after so many years of temperance and control that Dean would spiral again.

Dean was great about only having  _a_ drink when they would go out or  _a_ drink of good quality liquor on rare occasions. But when Dean was severely distressed, he would  _drink._

He wanted to talk to Dean about it, but he figured he’d watch and wait.

_Hopefully, he stops on his own._

If this behavior continued, he’d have to talk to Dean, and they would need to come up with a solution together.

Still, Cas couldn’t help but feel, _If Josie were here, none of this would be happening. I wouldn’t have to pull him from the brink all over again._

Meanwhile, Cas thought back and tried to remember what he did last time Dean went down that dark rabbit hole and gathered the strength to do it all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> None
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Angst  
> -Avoidance as a coping mechanism  
> -Garage!Sex  
> -Bareback  
> -Anal Fingering  
> -Anal Sex  
> -Dirty Talk  
> -Mentions of Alcohol as a coping mechanism
> 
> Next chapter is almost complete. Once it's edited and shiny, I'll post it. I hope that'll be in the next week or so.


	2. Cas (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, we travel back in time to see when Castiel met Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies!  
> THREE updates in less than a week! Whaaa!? Don't get used to it, I'm just on a roll right now. The muse is being very generous at the moment.  
> **DISCLAIMER**  
> I don't know ish about medicine or veterans affairs. Everything in this chapter is based on mostly assumption. And let me say now that I have nothing but respect for people who work with people who are suffering physically or psychologically.
> 
> Anywhos, please MIND the tags for this and future chapters. In this chapter especially, there is much sad, but I hope that it helps the reader understand Cas and Dean's relationship and their individual pasts a little better.  
> Dean is not in good place at the beginning of this chapter, but things get better as you work closer to the end.  
> Thanks to my lovely beta Kay Corson for her help on this one!   
> And also, all the thanks and lovely cuddly things to YOU, yes, YOU, for continuing to read this story.  
> Much Love,  
> Jen

**1969**

_**10 Years Earlier** _

 

_“SGT. DEAN WINCHESTER_

_DOB: 1/24/1943_

_AGE: 26_

_SERVED: 1961-1967_

_COMMENDATIONS: Bronze Star for bravery during combat. Honorably discharged._

_TREATED FOR: Alcoholism and depression brought on by severe post traumatic stress caused by serving in hostile war zone. Patient was held in captivity by enemy for several weeks, tortured. Found malnourished when rescued,” Dean’s file had read._

 

After working at the V.A. for six years, very little surprised the young Dr. Novak.

“He’s gone through every other doctor here. Even made Tessa cry,” Nurse Masters had warned Cas, “You want to take a shot, be my guest, but I would suggest going early. He gets touchier as the day wears on,” she said, not looking up from the entertainment magazine she had been flipping through.

Castiel was used to treating everything from hangnails to sores on amputees’ skin from where their hollow replacement limbs chaffed them as well as countless shell-shocked soldiers who’d seen more horror than any human being should.

Every patient came with his or her challenges, and Castiel was not the type of person to be run off by a difficult case.

At first, it truly broke the young doctor’s heart to see the macabre parade of scarred and wounded rainbow of people who shuffled through the waiting room seeking care from an overwhelmed and worry-worn staff. Castiel had vowed he’d never become as apathetic or as cynical as the veteran doctors that smoked two packs a day and hid flasks in their lab coats to deal with their own second hand trauma. He didn’t want to forget his own humanity, but each day was more and more of a struggle to hold on to hope that he was somehow making a real difference in any of his patients’ lives. Castiel had to force himself to look at his patients as more than just illnesses and puzzles to be solved, but he was losing his optimism, and that hurt him the most.

“Your problem is you’ve got too much heart,” his brother Michael always told him, and it was true.

The dark haired man was stern, but not uncaring, and Castiel looked up to him like a father figure. His eldest brother was about ten years his senior and looked like a much more clean cut version of their father...or at least what Castiel vaguely remembered of the progenitor who abandoned he and his brothers when he was just shy of six years old.

Michael was sixteen, Luke was fifteen, and Gabriel was only two years older than Castiel.

One of the few things that Cas remembered about Chuck were that he had nervous eyes. And even into his late twenties, whenever he heard the clacking of a keyboard, Castiel’s mind evoked shadowy memories of a frazzled man hunched over and furiously typing away so hard and fast that the half empty bottle of bourbon on his desk would swish violently. His clothes were always rumpled, his beard thick, and his hair was continually unkempt.

_Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time taming mine_ , Cas pondered and shooed away the painful memories of the father who abandoned them.

Even though his eldest brothers had to work multiple jobs a piece to support their little band of orphans, Castiel was thankful that Chuck had left, perhaps Michael wouldn’t have been spared if their father had stayed.

Their family was not unaffected by the scourges of war.

Because his brother Michael was Castiel's and Gabriel’s official legal guardian when the Vietnam war had started, he was exempt from serving. But when whispers of a mandatory draft being implemented had begun to swirl, the Novak brothers worried that Gabriel or Castiel would be called up to serve because they were both at the prime fighting age.

Out of fear for his own safety, "Cowardice", Luke had said, Gabriel fled before his number could be called up. Against Castiel’s vehement protests, as a preemptive measure, Luke took it upon himself to volunteer for the Marines before Little Cassie could be ripped away from them.

Castiel never liked the idea of war, but if he had been drafted, he would have served.

When his brother Luke came back, he didn’t come back the same. He was deeply troubled and more aggressive than he was before he’d left for war. The blonde man had been like a shining beacon to his family, Michael’s closest ally, but the war had marred his light and turned him into a hyper-vigilant shell of a person.

He and Michael argued so much that eventually Luke left and was locked up for starting a fight at a bar. After that first arrest, several followed, until he went to prison for nearly a year. When he was finally released, he went from one halfway house to another, refusing to live under the same roof as _high and mighty_ Michael.

Though Michael had tried to convince Luke to seek out help for his aggressive behavior and tried to compromise with him, Luke refused his eldest brother’s multiple offers to have him come back home. The headstrong man chose instead to live in crash houses in San Francisco. However, he did come home for holiday dinners to appease Michael who insisted that he needed to assure their family that he was alive.

Gabriel had stayed away as well, traveling abroad since initially fleeing and refused to come home. Most of the time he communicated via postcards and a few short letters.

“I’ll come back when the shit show’s over,” Gabriel had told Cas on one of the very rare occasions he’d actually _called_ to check in.

Years later, Luke still refused to talk about Gabriel or the fact that he’d run away.  

Castiel hated that his older brother had sacrificed himself in such a way to keep him safe, especially when the draft didn’t begin until years afterward, and at that point, Cas was two years too old to be drafted anyway.

He hated that his family was so broken, and he too eventually left for college in Southern California and stayed with his cousin Balthazar for the first year until he found a place of his own.

The death of his mother had loomed over Castiel from a very young age. He had even convinced himself that his mother dying to give him life was the reason that his father had abandoned their family. The way Chuck always looked at him with unspoken accusations in his eyes as he took deep pulls from his flask spoke volumes to young Castiel. Even when the man was there, Chuck was emotionally distant from his sons. Quickly, they each learned to give their father a large berth, and in a way, the man’s apathy while he was was still living with them prepared his first and second born sons to care for their younger brothers.

He greatly appreciated the fact that his brothers had sacrificed so much to raise him, but Cas still couldn’t help his irrational need to somehow make the ghosts of his parents proud.

From a young age, Castiel was convinced that if his mother had had a better doctor, she wouldn’t have died when he was born, which was what prompted him to go into gynecology and obstetrics originally. However, the war was in full swing when he’d started college and raged on when he entered medical school. Initially, he’d been selected to train at the Veterans’ Affairs Hospital in Long Beach where he excelled and was soon asked to intern at the V.A. in Downtown Los Angeles where he eventually established his residency.

In a way, working at the V.A. was a small way for him to give back to the brother Luke who had given so much for his sake. Castiel could not help but see the shadow of his older brother in every downtrodden soul that crossed through the front doors of the training hospital, and he was determined to _save_ them all...or at least he was _at first_.

After several years of seeing so many of his patients struggle and deteriorate due to lack of proper care outside of the hospital or not enough psychiatric care, Castiel couldn’t help but suffer from sympathy fatigue. His ability to care was strong, but even so, a thick emotional wall began to build around him, making him a bit more stern and quick to try and figure out a person’s case like a puzzle.

He expected his next patient to be no different than all the others. He expected a hollowed out husk of a young man with haunted eyes accompanied by the usual unnamable heaviness that weigh upon all the veterans he treated.

What Castiel did _not_ expect was a man very close to his age with an overpowering _glow_ to him.

His matted, dark blonde hair hung just below his ears, and he had a thick strawberry blonde beard coating his hollowed cheeks and sharp jawline.

Treating veterans close to his age or younger was very common, and sure, the fair-haired man’s eyes were haunted and shaky. His face was gaunt, pale from lack of sunlight, and he was way too thin for his tall and hearty frame, but there was a comforting warmth and _resplendence_ about him that completely threw Castiel off guard.

He gaped at the miracle of a man in front of him like a fish, unable to form words.

“Cat got your tongue, Doc?” his patient slurred, turning in his hospital bed to look up at Cas humorlessly.

The dark bags underneath his eyes deepened when his chapped lips formed a sad grin.

Castiel tried to imagine what he must look like in something other than the faded pattern of a hospital gown and a medical bracelet as he lied in an nondescript hospital bed in a one-window room that faced an exterior wall.

_He should be out in the sunshine_ , Castiel thought mournfully.

“Sergeant Winchester,” the doctor said as firmly and positively as he could, “How are we doing today?”

“Be much better if I had a drink,” Dean said, rubbing his palms in his eyes.

“It’s a little early to be drinking, don’t you think?” Cas raised an eyebrow at him.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” he huffed.

Cas looked a little further down the sergeant’s chart and saw that he was on some very powerful sedatives.

_No wonder he’s so lethargic._

It infuriated Castiel to no end that when shell shocked veterans came in for treatment, many doctors quickly resorted to putting them on heavy medication. He understood it was standard protocol, but he could not understand how anyone would want to constantly live in a medicated haze unable to hold a job or interact with the rest of the world. Dr. Novak had looked into many radical, new treatments for trauma patients and found that talk therapy was very effective. He wasn’t a therapist, but tried his best to listen to his patients and help their minds and hearts as well as their bodies.

“I could really go for a cup of coffee,” the man in the hospital bed murmured lazily.

“Last time I checked, this wasn’t a diner, Sergeant,” Cas replied cheekily.

“Don’t call me that,” the man said quietly but firmly.

“It’s only appropriate to refer to you by your title-” Castiel began.

“I don’t give a fuck. Don’t call me _that_!” Dean shouted.

Castiel stood quietly for a moment then began to check the other man’s vitals. The doctor made a notation of Dean’s stats.

Without meeting the young vet’s eyes, he asked, “Cream and two sugars?”

“What?” Dean blinked in confusion.

“Your coffee. How do you take it?” Castiel asked, moving toward the door.

Dean stared at Cas, flabbergasted for a moment before replying, “Black.”

“Coming right up,” Cas smiled and exited the room.

When Cas came back and offered that paper cup with the dark liquid inside, Dean took it cautiously, never removing his eyes from Cas. He watched the doctor vigilantly, as if at any moment Castiel was about to slap the cup out of his hand. Slowly, the wounded warrior brought the cup to his lips.

Dean sighed as if an itch had been scratched as he took a sip, “This tastes like shit, but _fuck_ if it isn’t the best coffee I’ve had-hell it’s the only coffee I’ve had in over a month.”

“That’s a long time to go without coffee,” the doctor replied without looking at the other man.

Cas stood next to the hospital bed, fumbling with wires and a glass IV bottle to hide the fact that he was studying the injured soldier.

When Dean finished the poor excuse for coffee, he asked, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you for a favor?”

“ _Another_ one? I dunno, that coffee was kind of a hard get,” Castiel deadpanned.

Dean looked up at the doctor, unamused.

“Depends on what the favor is, but I’ll need a favor too. Quid pro quo,” Cas crossed his arms over his chest and faced Dean.

“Oh, yeah. What do you _want_? Season tickets to the Lakers?” Dean joked.

“Information,” Cas said plainly.

“Okay. What do you want to know?” his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“Why don’t you want me to call you by your rank and title?” Cas asked carefully.

Dean pursed his lips and his face hardened into a stone mask.

“You know what? Fuck you!” Dean angrily turned away from the doctor and pulled the sheets up to his neck.

_And we started out so well..._

“Suit yourself. I’m prepared to help you Dean, but I do expect something in return. If you don’t want to give me what I ask, then I can’t give you what you want,” Cas said, heading out the door.

**************************************************************************************************

Dr. Novak had been so preoccupied with treating other patients throughout the day and got roped into helping out with covering patient intakes at the other end of the hospital that he didn’t get another chance to check in with Dean.

The tired doctor hoped that his new patient would be a little less angry with him. Animosity would only make it more difficult for Cas to build a rapport with the other man, thus making it harder for him to help the troubled vet. When Castiel remembered how tired and sad the young sergeant's dark green eyes looked, he felt ashamed that he had been so curt with him. In a way, Cas could already tell that even though the other man had served in the military, he had a problem with authority, and would not respond well to being forced into a corner.

_Like recognizing like_ , Castiel thought to himself, _I better think of a different approach_.

Cas returned to Dean’s room the next morning with a fresh thermos of coffee from home. Even though he was forced too many a time to drink the swill that was called “coffee” from the hospital’s vending machine, the doctor was very particular about his coffee. At home, when he had the time, he’d grind his own coffee beans and slowly brew a single cup or use the fancy French press that his cousin Balthazar had gifted him for Christmas one year.

When the doctor arrived at the hospital, Nurse Meg had reported that Dean had thrown his lunch and dinner trays at the door after Castiel’s visit and refused to eat anything at all that day.

_I should’ve known_ , Castiel cringed with a sigh, _I guess I have to put on the kid gloves for this one._

The dark haired man knocked on the door before walking in and saw that Dean was facing the window, away from the door, just how he’d left him the day before.

“Go away,” the fair-haired man called out from the hospital bed without turning.

“I’ve brought a peace offering,” Castiel said quietly as he cautiously approached the bed.

“Don’t want it,” Dean replied petulantly.

“Look, Mr. Winchester. I think we may have got off on the wrong foot, as they say. I’m sorry if I upset you yesterday. You don’t know me from Adam; I have no right to pry about things you don’t want to address. I don’t always have the best bedside manner. You might even say that my ‘people skills are rusty’,” the young doctor admitted, “Please, Dean.”

After a few moments, Dean turned around to face Castiel and just watched him silently. His shaky eyes trailed down to the thermos in the doctor’s hand.

“That for me?” Dean asked carefully.

“If you want it…,” Castiel replied, somehow alluding to the fact that Dean accepting the small token was an acceptance of so much more.

Dean reached out a heavy hand and grasped the thermos.

“And it’s _Dean_. Call me Dean, not Mr. Winchester,” Dean said, bringing the heavy container to his chapped lips.

“Alright, _Dean_ ,” Cas tested the weight of the other man’s name on his tongue.

After taking a sip, his eyes bolted open, and looked more alive than Cas had seen before, “ _Holy_ _fuck_!”

“That bad?” Cas asked, defeated.

“That _good_. This is probably the best coffee I’ve ever had! I want to kiss the diner waitress made this!” Dean said, sitting up higher in the bed.

Cas smiled shily and waved a hand at Dean.

“ _You_!? You made this?” Dean asked in disbelief.

“I could not live with myself thinking that the dishwater you had yesterday was the first cup of coffee you’ve had in over a month,” Castiel replied.

Dean looked like he was about to cry and smiled at Cas warmly.

_Fuck, I want to live there_ , Cas thought.

He wanted to forever bask in the heat that Dean’s smile gave off.

“Thanks, Doc,” Dean said quietly.

“Don’t mention it,” Cas said, trying to brush off the feeling of someone being grateful to him.

He didn’t know what to do with that feeling, he didn’t know how to let it in, so instead he grabbed a chair from against the wall, and pulled it up to the bed so that his eyes were level with Dean.

“Now, Dean, I know there was something you needed from me yesterday. As your physician, I want to do my best to help you. What was it that you wanted to ask me?” Castiel asked slowly, leaning forward cautiously.

Dean was quiet for a moment as he chose his words carefully.

“I want off the drugs,” Dean said simply, “I feel like shit when I’m on them. They make me really foggy. I’m too queasy to eat, and they make me want to sleep all the time.”

“Have you brought this up with any of your previous doctors?” Castiel asked.

“I tried, but they wouldn’t listen,” Dean replied morosely.

“Well, Dean. I’ll let you know now, I’m not a big fan medicating away the non physical ailments of my patients, so we can work on a plan to wean you off of the psychotropic drugs and sedatives that you’re currently on. My concern though is,” Castiel took a breath, “your affliction...I understand that it causes you to have fitful dreams and traumatizing episodes when you’re triggered during waking life. Is that correct?”

“Yeah. I’m fucked up, Doc. Wish I could just make it _stop_. Wish I could just get over it,” Dean admitted with frustration.

“Dean, the things you’ve been through, the things you’ve seen, they’re not just something you can get over so easily. It takes time, but you can get better, and you are not ‘fucked up’, as you say,” Dean looked away as Cas continued, “You’ve suffered great trauma, Dean. That trauma needs to be processed, so you can purge it.”

“I’m just a pussy. I should be able to handle it,” Dean scoffed with words Castiel could tell must’ve been drilled into the other man’s head by someone else.

“You don’t think you deserve to be saved,” Castiel verbalized his thoughts, and it broke his heart.

Dean worried his lip as he looked out the window.

“Dean,” Castiel said so that Dean turned to look him in the eye.

The doctor had a hard time remembering that ethical line between appropriate and _not_ as he got lost in the forest of Dean’s green eyes and gathered his moxy to utter, “Good things _do_ happen.”

He could see the skepticism in Dean’s gaze, the sadness that it evoked laid heavily on Castiel’s heart, but it made the doctor determined to bring this man back to life.

“Whatever you say, Doc,” Dean replied.

“Dean, I know I don’t know you, but I’d like you to think of me as a friend,” Cas stated softly.

“You don’t want to be my friend, Doc,” Dean looked up at him sadly.

“Why would you think that, Dean?” Cas leaned a little closer.

“Because all my friends end up dead,” he croaked.

Castiel reached out a tentative hand and gently placed it on Dean’s shoulder, “Well, that’s just a risk I’m going to have to take because you seem like someone I’d really like to get to know.”

“Tsk,” Dean scoffed, “You’re a helluva guy, Doctor Novak.”

If Cas didn’t know any better, he’d say that Dean was blushing.

“Please, call me Castiel,” the doctor smiled warmly.

“Holy shit. Is that your _real_ name? Hell of a mouthful, Doc,” Dean teased.

He eyed Castiel curiously for a moment then declared, “ I’m gonna call you... _Cas_.”

“Huh, no one’s ever called me that before,” Cas pondered, “How unique.”

Cas shared a smile with Dean.

“Thanks for the coffee, Doc. Seriously, you should open up a shop that sells nothing but _this_ coffee,” Dean said, taking a sip of the green thermos.

“I’m glad you think so, Dean, but who would go to a specific place to _just_ buy coffee?” Castiel laughed, and he beamed because he had made Dean smile.

And that was the moment Castiel  knew he had fallen for Dean Winchester.

*************************************************************************************************

It took a few weeks to work Dean off of the aggressive drugs he’d been on for the previous couple of weeks and transition him onto much less powerful sedatives until he didn’t need them at all. The man went through a rough withdraw from the medication, and it was difficult for Castiel to watch, even though he’d seen it countless times before.

When Dean was completely taken off of all narcotics, Cas broke protocol by sitting at his bedside as he slept to soothe him until the worst of his nightmares had subsided. They had come back full force now that there were no sedatives to keep him sleeping. Sometimes, the soldier would wake himself from his own yelling at an invisible enemy or he’d jump out of bed searching his room for a rifle or knife that was no longer where he’d left it.

Castiel had expected all of this;  he’d seen it enough times, but Dean was his _friend_ now. That thin line between doctor and patient was non existent. That separation was supposed to be there for a reason. It was to prevent both the patient and his caregiver from getting too attached and to allow for more objective decisions to be made.

However, in Dean’s case, that bell could not be unrung. Cas was in deep, and even though his superiors had threatened to take action against him, the young doctor knew they wouldn’t do anything. There were not enough physicians to spare at the V.A. with new cases rolling in every day, and Cas had become too valuable to be benched, let alone fired, over any behavior that could be misconstrued as unethical behavior.  

Castiel didn’t care that he was getting too close to Dean. It was too late now. He was already committed to him, to saving him in any way he could.

*************************************************************************************************

In no time at all, Dean looked more alert, and his sharp bones filled in with thicker flesh and color, since the new medication no longer made him want to throw his food against the wall. In fact, he had a voracious appetite. He could not get enough food, and he even sweet talked Castiel into bringing him a cheeseburger from the nearest fast food joint.

Watching smiles and brightness return to Dean’s face warmed Castiel’s heart, and he beamed at how far this man had come.

After much coercion and plying with food and homemade coffee, Cas convinced Dean to visit with Dr. Missouri Moseley. She was a specialist in severe psychological trauma with a very warm, motherly tenderness to her that several of Castiel’s previous patients had responded to rather well. Miss Missouri, as she insisted everyone call her, was also very insightful-some claimed she was psychic-and she could sniff out bullshit a mile away which meant that she was incredibly intuitive about catching patients when they tried to lie to themselves.

Dean began visiting with her a couple of times a week, and Castiel could mark a significant difference in the young veteran’s demeanour. The young veteran had improved so much that he began to putter around his hospital wing and flirt with the hospital staff.

He had even shaved his unwanted, scruffy beard off, and had asked Cas to help him trim his _hippy-length_ hair.

_I didn’t think it was possible for him to look more handsome_ , the doctor contemplated when he admired Dean’s new cleancut visage.

During the several months it had taken Dean to establish a plan for recovery, he and Castiel had grown very close. They were so close that Dean had even admitted to Castiel why he was so averse to being referred to by his formal title.

“It’s what _they_ used to call me, and I don’t think I deserve to be called that anymore,” Dean said quietly.

Castiel didn’t push him to say any more, he just placed a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder to thank him for trusting him enough to share why that word triggered the young soldier so viscerally.

**************************************************************************************************

After a few months of being off of all meds, the nightmares finally began to decrease, and Dean felt more comfortable using the self-soothing techniques that Miss Missouri had shown him to help him cope when he was triggered during the day.

In fact, it was Dr. Moseley who had told Castiel that Dean was ready to leave the nest.

“Don’t look so sad, boy,” the heavyset woman smiled at him warmly, “He’s still your friend, and with you no longer being his doctor, you don’t have to try and hide how you feel any more.”

_Holy shit, she is psychic_ , Cas thought with a panic.

“What?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to see how much you care about that man,” she told him as she placed a comforting hand on his arm, “...or how much _he_ cares about _you_.”

“Thank you, Dr. Moseley. I have rounds to attend to,” Cas said, turning tail and running out of the room.

**************************************************************************************************

There was a small park in the hospital’s courtyard in which Cas and Dean would take brief lunches on a bench that overlooked the grass.

“You’re looking good these days, Dean,” Cas smiled at him before taking a bite of his burger.

Dean stole one of Castiel’s french fries.

_He’s always taking my damn fries_ , Cas groaned internally, but he really didn’t mind.

“Ya think so, Cas?” Dean asked.

“I know so,” Castiel smiled, “So much so, that I think you might be able to check out of here soon. When you do, I’d ask that you continue to visit with Dr. Moseley, and check in to see how you’re doing every month, but yes, you can leave soon.”

Suddenly, Dean looked sad.

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be glad to finally be out of here?” Cas looked puzzled.

“I am, but...,” Dean stared off into the horizon.

“‘But’ what, Dean? Do you not have somewhere to go? I thought you were staying with the Singers. If you don’t have a place to say, I can talk to housing about setting you up with a place to-”

“No, it’s not that. I am gonna stay with Bobby and Ellen like _before_ ,” Dean said.

The Singers had been instrumental in getting Dean the care he so desperately needed. They visited twice a week and sat in Dean’s room whether he wanted them there or not until Dean finally began speaking and opening up to them again.

Dean’s younger brother Sam had even treked down from Palo Alto in Northern California once a month to visit with his ailing big brother.

The doctor thought the young man had kind eyes and had aggressively told Dean that he wanted to quit law school and move down to support him as he reacclimated to civilian life. Dean shooed him away, and said he’d be fine, and insisted that Sam continue his studies and make him proud.

Castiel had spoken to Sam and the Singers at length about how helpful it was that they, as well as the Singers’ daughter Joanna, were so supportive of Dean’s recovery.

It was unfortunate that too many times Castiel released patients with no support system, and they’d either return worse than before or wouldn’t return at all.

“So then, what’s the problem?” Castiel asked Dean.

“It’s stupid,” Dean fumbled with the fry between his fingers, dragging it through a glob of ketchup.

“If it’s making you upset, then it is a valid concern and obviously _not_ ‘stupid’,” Cas clarified.

“Cas, we’re friends, right?” Dean began carefully.

“Of course, Dean,” it broke Cas’ heart to think Dean even had to ask that.

“I just...I dunno, but if I go, I don’t want to... _miss_ you…,” Dean said looking down at the empty wrapper where his burger had been.

“Dean,” Cas said softly.

“See I told you, it’s stupid,” Dean replied.

“No, Dean, it’s not,” Castiel’s heart lurched in his chest, “I’m going to miss seeing you here too, but we _are_ friends now, remember? If you like...we can stay in contact after you’re discharged.”

Dean looked up at Castiel with a look so boyish and hopeful, it _hurt_.

“Really? You would be doing me a favor…”

“Dean, I’m always doing you favors,” Cas nudged the other man with his shoulder playfully, “But, this, this would be just as much for me as for you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but you are my friend, Dean, and I want to continue that friendship. You leaving...it’s a good thing. And it doesn’t mean you have to lose me as a friend.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean smiled at the doctor.

“Great, now leave me a couple of fries, and we’ll be even,” Cas said drily to lighten the mood.

“You never even finish all of ‘em! I’m doing _you_ a favor,” Dean smirked at Cas, taking another fry.

“You’re incorrigible,” Cas sighed.

“Just because you throw those ten dollar words around doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop eating your fries, Cas,” Dean stuck out his tongue.

***********************************************************************************************

Though both Cas and Dean were nervous about it, a few days later Dean was discharged.

Bobby and Ellen let him stay in his old room above the garage in the backyard, and he went back to working at the garage like Dean did before Bobby had driven him to the V.A. nearly a year before.

_For his own good._

The first week after Dean left the hospital, as a thank you, the Singers invited Castiel over for Sunday dinner. It had been a trying first couple of days apart. Castiel had told Dean that the mechanic could call him at the hospital if he needed to talk, and Dean took him up on the offer by calling the doctor each day during his lunch break.

At the Singers’, Cas and Dean would sit on the porch and just talk for hours on end until the whole house was quiet and dark. The transition from their relationship in the hospital to that of civilian life was much easier than either man had had anticipated. Interacting with another person had never felt so natural for Castiel until he’d met Dean. 

It became a weekly occurrence that the young doctor would pop in to the Singer home for Sunday dinner. After the first month, Cas no longer had to be invited, he would just _show up_.

**************************************************************************************************

On one occasion, in the middle of winter, Castiel caught a cold and decided to stay home to keep it from spreading.

His phone rang shrilly for several chimes until he picked up. Ellen had been concerned when he didn’t show up _fifteen minutes early_ on their doorstep, like he normally did and called to make sure he was okay.

At Mrs. Singer’s insistence, Dean had gone over to Cas’ apartment with a small pot of tomato rice soup.

“My mom used to make this for me when I was a kid,” Dean had told him.

Cas smiled at Dean with watery eyes and a red nose.

_So beautiful, so strong, and absolutely_ not _how I had imagined our first bedroom encounter to be_ , Cas thought with amused regret.

Dean looked like a completely different person than the one the doctor had met nearly a year prior.

_Because he is_ , Cas considered, _He’s himself again_.

“Kinda funny isn’t it, Doc? You took care of _me_ , now I take care of _you_ ,” Dean smiled warmly at Cas.

The doctor’s chest was filled with an unnamable warmth at Dean’s comment.

“Yes, Dean.”

“‘kay, now, open up,” Dean said, bringing the bowl and a spoon closer to Cas’ mouth.

“Dean, I can feed myself,” Cas complained.

“Nuh uh. C’mon. Open up, Cas,” Dean insisted with the spoon until Cas opened his mouth and ate the food.

“Thank you, Dean. If I could actually taste this, I’m sure it would be delicious,” Cas wheezed a bit.

“Eh, don’t mention it, Cas,” the golden haired man blushed.

“You’re a good friend,” Cas said sincerely and reached out to place a hand on Dean’s forearm.

_So firm_ , Cas grimaced internally at his own comment, _Get ahold of yourself, Novak!_

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean looked him in the eye then away just as quickly and cleared his throat.

**************************************************************************************************

They did that dance for nearly a year longer.

They’d talk on the phone whenever either one had a free moment. Without fail, Cas was at the Singers’ every Sunday for dinner and would even help Ellen or Bobby in the kitchen. If Cas wasn’t overcommitted at one hospital or another, he and Dean would catch one of the latest movies at the local cineplex or at the drive-in in Dean’s Impala. They’d usually have a late dinner at a different tried and true diner either Downtown or somewhere near the theater they’d gone to.

Both men were so deeply insinuated in each other’s lives that neither could think of ever not having the other around.

Dating new people was impossible. Any time a woman would try to approach Dean or when Dean would try and approach her, they’d see Cas, his _wingman_ , and automatically assume that they were _more_ than friends.

It was frustrating for both men on several fronts. Cas could tell that Dean craved physical companionship, and _god_ did he want to provide it, but that was a line he wasn’t ready to cross.

Cas had alluded to the fact that he was attracted to people of all genders, and Dean did insist that Cas should try to find someone, _at least to make it with_.

What Dean didn’t understand was that _one_ , Cas didn’t just “make it” with anyone casually, and _two_ , Cas was in love with Dean.

Though it took some time before he did so, Dean shared with Cas that he too was attracted to women _and_ men.

It should’ve made Cas feel bolstered to make the first move, but instead, he felt as if the revelation just meant that the odds were even _more_ stacked against him. Now, there were twice the number of potential partners that Dean could have that were _not_ Castiel.

***************************************************************************************************

“You know he likes you, right?” Jo, Dean’s surrogate little sister, had told Cas with a mischievous smirk.

Castiel could feel his throat closing up and tried to focus on the carrots he was helping her chop for Sunday dinner.

“He’s terrified to say anything, but you like him too, don’t you?” Jo continued curiously.

_Leave it to a teenager to see what two grown men couldn’t._

“The carrots are ready for the boiling pot whenever you are, Joanna,” Cas said, wiping his hands on a kitchen rag and running away to the front porch.

It was from that day forward that seemingly everyone who cared about Castiel and Dean began to nudge them toward each other, but they were both too blind, or too stupid, to see it.

  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

  
  


 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -V.A. (Veterans Affairs) - In the U.S., there are medical facilities specifically for military veterans. I believe that in the late 1960s and throughout the 1970s, there was more funding going toward these facilities to help veterans returning from the Vietnam War. This in fact a V.A. in Long Beach, CA as well as one in Downtown L.A.   
> -Vietnam War -Duration: 1955-1973  
> -Vietnam Draft - Began in 1969.  
> -County General is a large Art Deco hospital in Downtown L.A. that is also a training hospital for young doctors studying at the USC (University of Southern California). Though a person can get good care there, it is in a rough part of the city and can be very dangerous to work or visit there.  
> -Coffee - Cas and Dean's short convo about coffee is a bit of a poke at Starbucks and an attempt to remind the lovely reader of the dark time before specialty coffee was available on very corner of the world. All hail the coffee bean. Hail!
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Hospital setting  
> -Hurt/Comfort  
> -Mentions of Dean's military service  
> -Mentions of capture and torture (non explicit)  
> -References to alcoholism as a coping mechanism  
> -PSTD/Depression - Some brief episodes described  
> -References to narcotics and sedatives being used as treatment  
> -Brief mentions about queasiness caused by medication  
> -Angst  
> -Mentions of Therapy  
> -Dubiously ethical medical conduct - Cas getting "too close to his charge"  
> -Developing friendship  
> -Light Fluff   
> -Why Dean's in the hospital- In case it wasn't clear, Dean was being unsuccessfully being treated for his PTSD and depression in the hospital for about a month or so before Castiel is assigned to watch over him. There after, Dean is in the hospital for about a year to wean him off meds and to learn healthy coping mechanisms to deal with his severe sleep deprivation and waking PTSD triggers.   
> -Additional Side Note - You don't have to be a combat veteran to suffer from PTSD. If you need help finding help, feel free to send me a private message. (DISCLAIMER: I'm not a medical/psychological professional, just someone who cares).
> 
> The next chapter will be a little sweeter and fluffier. I can't wait to finish it so I can share it with you all. Thanks again for reading! <3   
> Be well!


	3. Cas (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Cas recalls how two idiots finally got with the program.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, 4 times in a week.   
> *Results NOT typical.  
> I guess the Muse liked the kale and chocolate. ;-D
> 
> This is the last Cas POV chapter, and there is LOTS of plot and FLUFF.   
> Enjoy it because the next chapter is a doozy!  
> All the thanks to my devoted beta Kay Corson. <3 <3
> 
> As usual, references and tags can be found at the end.

**1971**

When it finally happened, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.  
If Castiel was the dry build up of kindling on a barren hillside, then Dean was the kerosene sprayed over it just waiting for a bolt of lightening to strike and set it ablaze.  
And it struck, after nearly two years, of friends, family, and colleagues making comments and pointing out the obvious to both of them, it happened.  
It was September 18th, it was a rare Saturday off for Cas, so Dean took the day off as well. They had both worked long hours through the summer, and Dean had been bugging Cas about visiting the Novak family’s beach bungalows since the doctor had mentioned the summers he’d spent there as a kid. Even though it was the middle of a rainy winter when Cas first brought it up, Dean had been eager to visit the little blue houses.  
After months of talking about it, both friends decided to take advantage of their free day and go to the beach on a whim. Castiel’s small, orange Volkswagen bug had seen better days, but it got him to the Singer home where he parked it in the salvage yard.  
“One of these days, I’m gonna dismantle that P.O.S. and get you a real car,” Dean threatened continually whenever Cas would park the rattle trap of a car.  
At first, Castiel thought his friend was joking, but at times Dean looked serious.  
“That thing is a death trap, Cas,” Dean would say, sounding like an old curmudgeon.  
“It gets me where I need to go, Dean,” Cas would cross his arms and roll his eyes.  
“I’m tellin’ you, ‘One of these days, Alice…’,” Dean would nudge Cas.  
That particular Saturday, he and Dean rode in the Impala from Pasadena to the Pacific Coast Highway. The trip was long, mostly because Dean wanted to enjoy the drive leisurely, but when they got there in the middle of the day, they unloaded and rested for a bit.  
There was one bed in each of the bungalows, and Castiel had assumed Dean would want his own private space.  
“That’s stupid, we can both just sleep in the same house, Cas,” Dean had insisted.  
Cas really wasn’t looking forward to squeezing his six foot length onto the short couch, but Dean was his guest, and Cas was certainly not going to allow him to refuse the bed.  
Dean lied flat on his back on the orange shag rug as the Beatles’ White album spun on the turntable.  
Castiel was busy reading a book on Eastern meditation practices that he hoped to incorporate into the care plans he regularly updated for some of his patients. He was continually looking into new schools of thought on how _he_ could help people heal and also heal themselves.  
The silence between the two men was comfortable and not unwelcome. They both sat and listened to records until the sun sat low in the sky, and they had both dozed off.  
Castiel was awoken from his unplanned nap by the loud gurgling of Dean’s stomach.  
“I’m hungry,” Dean uttered sleepily from the floor where he had fallen asleep.  
“We should eat on the deck, watch the sunset,” Castiel croaked in a sleep worn voice.  
Dean setup a table for two with utensils and glasses on the deck that sat in front of the little blue and white house.  
He was so busy enjoying the sea breeze and hypnotic lapping of waves that he didn’t notice Castiel had already placed their food on the little table.  
Dean’s eyes were as large as saucers, when he exclaimed, “Pie!?” as he saw a humble looking pastry in a glass pan, “Is that Ellen’s?”  
“Oh, yes, she let me borrow it. She said it would be a little bit better than using the tin pan I was planning on utilizing. I hope you like it. I wasn’t sure if you liked mixed berry,” Cas smiled up at Dean from his seat.  
Dean quickly sat next to his friend.  
“Jeez, Cas. No one’s ever baked me a pie before. I mean aside from my mom when I was a kid and Ellen on one or two of my birthdays, but none of my...friends or anything,” Dean worried his lip then looked up to lock eyes with his best friend, “Thanks, Cas.”  
The green of Dean’s eyes looked lighter and brighter than Castiel had ever seen before, and he couldn’t help but marvel at how far this beautiful, strong man had come, and how fortunate he was to call him his friend.  
“I’d been wanting to for a while, but I’ve just been so busy with work, and the weather was so hot the last few months. I was so happy last week was a little cool, so I could finally do this for you,” Cas admitted as he took a bite of his turkey sandwich.  
“Man, _I_ should be the one making _you_ a pie or cake or something. I mean, you’re birthday’s not too far off. Just six more days,” Dean insisted.  
“I appreciate the thought, but that’s really not necessary, Dean. Like I said, I’ve been holding off on making it because it’s been too warm out. Regardless, your company is the greatest gift I could receive,” Castiel said casually as if it wasn’t something that Dean should concern himself with too much.  
Dean was about to take a bite of his sandwich, but set it down and sat back in his chair to take in Castiel’s revelation.  
“Wow, how did I get so lucky, huh, Cas?” Dean shook his head with a disbelieving smile.  
The dark-haired man blushed and felt a heat filling up his chest cavity.  
Cas knew what Dean meant, but deep down, he still wished that his friend was referring to the fact that he loved Dean. Even so, Castiel was the one who felt lucky to have crossed paths with Dean. It was truly by chance that the doctor had been selected to watch over the former soldier in the first place.  
“Eat your sandwich, Dean,” Cas said, looking away from his friend.  
“I don’t think I can. Not when there is a perfectly good, homemade pie made especially for _me_ sitting so close by,” Dean salivated.  
He set aside the plate with his sandwich and pulled the pie plate closer. There was already a knife on the table which he used to cut himself a slice and set it on a dessert plate that Cas had placed on the far end of the little table.  
Dean made a mess of getting the purplish red filling onto his plate with only some of the golden crust in tact. Very unceremoniously, the hungry mechanic dipped his fork into the jumble of fruit and pastry on his dish and took a bite.  
Castiel watched as Dean’s green eyes turned dark as his pupils dilated and he moaned around his fork.  
“ _Holy shit_ , Cas! Marry me,” Dean joked as he proceeded to shovel the rest of his piece into his mouth.  
Castiel’s cheeks ached with how hard he blushed and did his best not to choke on his sandwich at Dean’s excitement.  
The happy mechanic paused for a moment, and his reddened tongue darted out to wipe his pink lips clean.  
Suddenly, Cas felt Dean’s gaze fixed on him. The other man wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was staring at Cas.  
“Do I have something on my face?” Castiel joked, setting down the rest of his sandwich to blot his mouth with a napkin.  
Dean just continued to marvel at him with wonder as if he were something magical or mystical.  
Cas swallowed hard when his own blue eyes locked with Dean’s.  
“I should probably…,” Cas made a move to pick up Dean’s empty plate, but Dean quickly and gently wrapped his thick fingers around the other man’s wrist.  
Their eyes stayed glued to each other, and Dean loosened his grip to lace his fingers with Cas’.  
The doctor felt himself flush with a molten heat that spread from his ears down to his toes.  
Dean squeezed his hand for reassurance as if they were about to jump off a cliff together because, in a way, they were.  
The dimming sun cast pink and yellow shades of color onto Dean’s fair hair as he leant closer to Cas. His eyes trailed to the doctor’s lips, then to his eager cerulean eyes, and back to his lips again.  
Castiel felt as if his heart was about to beat through his ribcage, though being the logical medical professional he was, he knew that wasn’t possible, but still, he held his breath as his _precious_ , best friend moved closer toward him.  
Dean ran his tongue over his bottom lip, “Cas?”  
“Yes, Dean?” Castiel croaked.  
_I will say yes to anything you want, just please…_  
“Cas, I-I’m scared,” Dean admitted, as he continued closer to Cas.  
“Me too, Dee,” Castiel said quietly, “But, please…”  
_I’ve been ready to fall since I met you._  
Slowly, and as gently as possible, both men closed their eyes and moved together like two magnets kept apart for too long, and chastely brought their lips together. Cas tentatively pressed his lips against Dean’s a little harder, and Dean did the same.  
They moved slowly and carefully, both disbelieving that the other man was just as invested in their united lips as the other.  
Dean was the first to gently pull back, but he rested a hand at the back of Cas’ neck as he searched those blue eyes for something that Cas couldn’t be sure of.  
“Cas, you’re my best friend...I-I _want_ you,” Dean’s voice wavered nervously, “but I don’t want to lose you. And I’m scared as shit that I’m gonna fuck this up,” Dean admitted.  
Castiel rested his long fingers on Dean’s forearm, and met the other man’s shifting green eyes, “You won’t lose me. I want this too, Dean. I...I have for a long time, but I wasn’t sure if you did too. You do, don’t you?”  
Castiel waited with baited breath as Dean searched for the right words.  
“Yeah, Cas, I do, but...I’ve never done this... _relationship_ stuff, not really, and I’m just so scared that you’re just gonna end up hating me,” Dean replied sadly.  
“I could never hate you, Dean,” Cas replied.  
Dean bent his chin down to look away from Cas, and Castiel nudged his chin up.  
“Dean, you’re my friend first and foremost. You always will be, but I’ve wanted this for longer than I’d care to admit...and if you want me too,” Cas blushed at the idea, “...then, we should do something about it. Don’t you think?”  
Dean’s eyes were shaky, but hopeful, “Really, Cas?”  
“You’re already the only person I want to spend all of my free time with. I care about you deeply, and I’d like you to let me _show_ you,” Cas cupped Dean’s jaw gently and thumbed his cheek with small circles.  
Dean took a deep breath and tentatively moved forward to press his lips against Castiel’s once more.  
With trembling hands, Dean gingerly held Castiel’s face to keep him close as if he was afraid that Castiel would pull away and abandon him too soon.  
Emboldened by Dean’s touch, Castiel deepened the chaste kiss they had been sharing and slowly prodded his tongue against the seam of Dean’s lips. Slowly, Dean parted them to let Cas in.  
“Mmm,” Cas hummed.  
_My pie did turn out good,_ the proud amateur baker thought to himself as he tasted the sweet remnants of berry on Dean’s tongue as it massaged against his.  
Dean moaned into the kiss, and Castiel felt possessed to grip his shoulder to press his friend closer.  
Cas’ sexuality was a unique dichotomy. Though he needed to have feelings for a person before feeling a sexual attraction to them, once Castiel _was_ attracted to another person, it was as if floodgates of lust and emotion would open. The doctor was overcome with the need to memorize all the curves and contours of Dean’s body, his mouth, his neck.  
Cas’ hands began to roam down toward Dean’s torso and started snaking underneath the other man’s tee to feel the firm abs that contracted with each heavy breath Dean took. The mechanic’s meaty fingers raked through and tugged at the doctor’s hair, as Cas explored the texture of Dean’s neck and jaw with his lips and the light grazing and teasing of his lips.  
“Cas, we should probably,” Dean tried to form words as Cas began to nibble at his stubbled neck.  
Castiel was too immersed in finally being able to taste Dean that he didn’t hear the other man’s words as his hand began to rub over Dean’s crotch. The eager doctor beamed with pride to think that _he_ was the reason his friend’s jeans were straining to hold him in.  
Cas sucked on Dean’s earlobe while his fingers tugged along Dean’s waistband.  
“Cas,” Dean said a little more plainly, but the doctor took it as another breathy affirmation.  
Just before Castiel could slip his hand into Dean’s pants, his friend stiffened.  
“ _Castiel_ ,” Dean said firmly.  
The dark-haired man froze then pulled away and felt ashamed.  
“I’m sorry, Dean. Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” Cas said, mortified.  
“Cas,” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas in a hug, “It’s fine. It’s just. I think we should slow down a little. You didn’t do anything wrong, but maybe we should _talk_ a little more first, okay?”  
Cas pulled back a bit to look into Dean’s eyes as he exhaled a shaky breath and nodded.  
“Don’t look so sad, blue eyes,” Dean smiled warmly and cupped Castiel’s cheek before kissing him reassuringly, “C’mere.”  
Dean arranged their chairs so that they could both sit side by side with a more head on view of the sun melting into the watery horizon. Streams of orange, red, and purple painted the sky as Dean threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder.  
“Look, in case you couldn’t tell, I am pretty frickin _on board_ with kissing and touching and stuff. _Fuck_ , you have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about..,” Dean began, but trailed off when Cas looked up at him with an incredulous look, “Okay, maybe you do,” Dean laughed, “So, you get it, but you know, I know we never talked about it much, but,” Dean cleared his throat, “I have fooled around with other guys before, but there were never any feelings involved-not really, so this is all kinda new to me. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want us to rush anything.”  
Castiel looked into his friend’s eyes, and they were no longer as lust filled as before, but he could feel Dean’s sincerity.  
“I think I understand, Dean,” Cas said, holding the other man’s gaze, “Conversely, I have only ever made love with people I _care_ about.”  
“Really?” Dean asked curiously, “You’ve never had a one night stand?”  
“I didn’t say that,” Castiel paused to try and explain, “There was a girl I liked in college. Smart and lovely, we did make love once, but it meant something _different_ to her than it did to me. She didn’t return my feelings. Ever since then, I don’t actually sleep with someone unless the feeling is mutual.”  
Dean pressed his lips to Castiel’s disheveled hair and muttered, “Well, this, _this_ is _very_ mutual, Cas. I’d just like to take it a little slow.”  
“Does that mean you’d be opposed to sharing a bed tonight? That couch hasn’t been comfortable since I was eight,” Cas joked.  
Dean laughed as he hovered his lips over his friend’s neck, “Not opposed at all. I didn’t mean _too_ slow.”  
Both friends sat close to each other quietly for several more minutes, basking in the demolition of the invisible boundary that had been separating them. Dean became a bit bolder about caressing his best friend, running the tips of his fingers over Cas’ bare bicep, just below his shirt sleeve.  
Reluctantly, they both stood up and began clearing their little table and putting their leftovers in the bulbous, 1950s style, ice box in the kitchenette. As they cleared up everything for the evening, the two moved around each other seamlessly in a different kind of dance than the one they’d been moving in to exhaustion previously.  
The evening was still early, so they decided to walk barefoot on the sand. At first, Cas kept his hands in his pockets, so he wouldn’t be tempted to touch Dean. However when they reached the water’s edge, his friend quickly tugged Cas’ hand out of his pocket and laced their fingers together.  
The swishing of softly crashing waves and a steady tide receding and returning was a welcome soundtrack to their silent walk. Dean kept pulling them toward the water and used his foot to splash sandy water toward Cas.  
Both men giggled like boys as they used their feet to splash each other. Without warning, Dean pulled off his shirt and unbuckled his belt.  
“What are you doing?” Cas asked with a laugh.  
“I’ve never been skinny dipping at the beach before!” Dean said, pulling his jeans down, “C’mon!”  
“Dean, that water is gonna be cold,” Cas tried to reason with him.  
“I don’t care. You comin' or not?” he said, turning his back to Castiel and removing his briefs.  
It wasn’t the first time Cas had seen Dean’s bare backside, but it was the first time he’d seen it outside of the hospital.  
_Dean out in the wild, in his natural habitat_ , Castiel laughed to himself and quickly began striping off his clothes too.  
The chilliness of the water was fit to remind Cas that summer was indeed _over_. The doctor could swear that his genitals had retreated into his body as he submerged himself all at once.  
“ _Jesus Christ_ , Dean! What in god’s name are we doing!?” Castiel shouted, swimming closer toward his friend.  
Dean was laughing hysterically.  
“ _Refreshing_ isn’t it?” he joked, splashing Castiel in the face.  
“More like _freezing_! If I get frostbite on my... _extremities_ , I’ll be blaming you, Winchester,” Castiel’s jaw chattered.  
“Oh, we wouldn’t want any of your... _extremities_ to be frostbitten,” Dean said with amusement, treading water until he was floating next to Cas.  
Dean gave him a salt watery kiss, then turned away from his friend bashfully.  
Castiel was so overwhelmed with how his relationship with Dean was evolving, he couldn’t help but warm up in the cold water as he pondered how he had never felt so young and free as he did in that moment swimming naked as the day he was born next to his best friend, his best friend who had _feelings_ for him.  
Castiel threw his arms around Dean’s neck and shared a moist and sloppy kiss with him in between giggles.  
After a few moments, they both decided it was officially too cold to be in the water at all, and shivered as they put on their sandy clothes and ran back to the bungalow as quickly as they could.  
“You can have the first shower,” Castiel had told Dean while shaking from the cold.  
“I have a better idea,” Dean smirked.  
Suddenly, Dean pulled him into the small bathroom. Cas could not look away as Dean began quickly removing his wet and sandy clothes, then hopping into the shower stall.  
“C’mon, Cas. Take off those clothes and get in. You’ve gotta be an ice cube over there,” Dean said, turning on the hot water.  
Castiel swallowed hard and slowly pulled off his waterlogged clothes and let them puddle into a heap on the tile floor.  
“So that’s what you’ve been hiding under there,” Dean smiled at Cas before reaching his hand out to pull him into the shower.  
Their lips met softly and slowly. Castiel had never seen Dean smile so much, and he marveled at the pure joy his friend was emitting.  
The stall was small, but they took turns standing underneath the spray to warm up.  
Dean couldn’t stop watching Cas as he tilted his head back to get the sand out of his hair. His green eyes went nearly black again as he leaned back against the far shower wall and trailed a hand down his moist chest.  
Through the water droplets on his dark lashes, Castiel locked eyes with him and held his breath as he watched his friend lick his lips and move his hand lower.  
Cas’ mind went blank, and all his blood rushed down to his loins until he was standing at attention.  
“Fuck, Cas. Didn’t know you were such a... _big boy_ ,” Dean said, rubbing his palm down his growing erection.  
“I could say the same about you too, Dee,” Cas let one of his hands trail down to his own sharp hips.  
“Wanna watch you touch yourself, Cas,” Dean’s voice dropped down an octave.  
“Like this?” Cas asked in a throaty voice as his fingers slowly wrapped around his length.  
He groaned as he gripped himself and slapped the tip of his cock against his open palm.  
“ _Fuck_ , Cas,” Dean said, jerking himself slowly and biting his lip as he watched.  
Castiel's heart beat fervently with adrenaline as he palmed himself and let the steamy water roll down his chest and firm abs. His eyes stayed fixed on Dean’s as he too began stroking his engorged length in earnest.  
"Whatcha thinkin' bout, Cas?" Dean grinned devilishly, resting his head against the shower wall.  
"I could ask you the same thing, Dee. Mmm," Cas hummed, and it sounded like a purr deep in his chest.  
Dean pressed his back against the the wall and curled a finger toward Cas, gesturing for his friend to come closer.  
The ravenous blue-eyed man wasted so time in closing the gap between them and claimed Dean's lips as he pressed their bare chests together. Cas couldn't believe that after years of keeping himself at arm's length, he was now allowed to _touch_ and _feel_ the Greek god of a man he called a friend.  
Dean reached out and gripped Castiel’s sharp hips and pushed their pelvises together, careful not to move too fast.  
Cas shuddered when their hard lengths brushed against each other.  
"Dean," Cas exhaled, "Thought we were taking things slow?"  
Castiel ground his hips against Dean's and mouthed at his neck to extract sweet moans from the green eyed man.  
"Uh mmm, we _are_. Fuuhh, oooh," Dean panted, moving his hands to Cas' firm cheeks and thrusted his hips up.  
Castiel kept his hands at either side of Dean's head and ran his fingers through the other man's dark golden hair. Their thick, aching cocks were trapped between them. They both rutted against each other, moaning incoherently.  
Cas moved a hand down to press Dean’s meaty hip to brace himself as he shifted his hips faster. The shower water mixed with their combined sweat and precum to just barely slicken them as they rubbed against each other.  
"Uh uh, Cas, I'm gonna- I'm gonna-"  
"I've got you, Dee. C'mon," Cas kissed encouragement into his ear before burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck.  
"CAAAaaasssss! Uh! Hu AHhhhhhh!" Dean trembled, and Cas felt a hot viscosity spurting against his hip.  
Overcome with lust and emotion, he bit into Dean's neck as his own orgasm flooded over him. Though wobbly from his own release, Dean held Castiel as his spent spilled onto Dean’s lower belly.  
The water continued to sprinkle on them as they leaned against the wall, holding each other, trying to catch their breaths.  
Affectionately, they kissed and cuddled for a bit longer before taking a proper shower with soap to wash off the cum and sweat.  
After their joint shower, Castiel and Dean toweled off, put on clean pajamas, and listened to a local radio show that played the latest mind altering rock music. They shoved the rattan coffee table over so they could sprawl out on the floor, and they lied still, enjoying the trip that the music was taking them on.  
Calmly, they lied there on their backs with their feet pointing in opposite directions and their heads nearly ear to ear. Because they both lived very busy lives that typically required each of them to think on their feet, silence was precious, and they relished in being able to enjoy time alone as friends and now as new lovers.  
“And now it’s time to get the Led out! Here’s the latest by Led Zeppelin, it’s my new favorite far out tune,” the radio host’s voice croaked.  
A slow guitar picked a simple and innocent sounding melody and was soon joined by a gentle pan flute which gave the song a haunting feel. It reminded Castiel of something one would hear during medieval times of Lords, Ladies, and Knights in an old and mysterious forest. A man’s soft baritone tenor voice came in telling the story about a woman trying to buy her way into Heaven.  
It evoked a feeling that Castiel had heard the Welsh described as “hiraeth”. It specifically applied to a homesickness for Wales, but Cas suddenly understood it to mean a deep longing for somewhere he had never been and had always wanted to be, a true sense of _home_.  
Rolling over to lie parallel to Dean, Cas reached out a hand to touch his friend, to confirm that this beautiful creature was in fact next to him and leaning into his hand. Dean turned his head to smile at him and laced their fingers together.  
“Yes, there are two paths you can’t go back, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on,” the lyrics sang, and they made Cas feel as if he’d been on this journey of life for so long, but he didn’t feel truly _alive_ until that moment.  
The tempo of the song began to increase a bit, and Cas locked eyes with Dean. Neither one had to say anything. There was a silent understanding between the two friends, and for the thousandth time that night, they pressed their lips against each other, gently at first. As the music weighed heavier and the tempo moved the guitar and drums faster, Castiel and Dean also kissed each other more fervently and desperately as if they’d both been waiting to be joined their whole lives.  
_Perhaps we had been waiting that long_ , Cas considered.  
Castiel and Dean cuddled up close to each other as they shared a bed that night. There was no argument about who would take which side or who would be the big spoon or the little spoon when they lied down. As they pulled back the blankets, they moved in tandem as if they’d been going to bed together for years.  
_Perhaps we did in a past life_ , Castiel imagined.  
Maybe in a past life they had been lovers. Maybe they were soulmates.  
***************************************************************************************************  
If they had gone any slower, a snail would have been lapping them.  
Though the dynamic of their relationship had morphed into something _different_ that day in September, the two best friends kept their relationship under wraps for nearly another year. They took the time to explore how they really felt about each other and slowly crossed into new uncharted physical boundaries in private.  
Castiel discovered that, though Dean was very attracted to him, the younger man was a bit apprehensive about moving forward sexually and even more so about showing affection in public. The doctor knew that, in addition to antiquated social norms, it had a great deal to do with the heavy influence of Dean’s estranged father. They didn’t need to talk about it at length for him to know that Dean was trying his best to push past those negative and limiting thoughts in order to have the more well rounded relationship he strongly desired to have with Castiel. Cas, on the other hand, did not try to push Dean, and the development moved at the speed of Dean’s comfort.  
As the mechanic finally dispelled himself of the false ideals that had influenced him so heavily, the more nights he spent at Castiel’s apartment or conversely, asked Cas to stay in his little room above the garage.  
Absolutely no one was surprised when nearly two years after Cas and Dean had shared that first tentative and nervous kiss at the beach house, they finally admitted that they _were_ in a relationship together.  
“I _knew_ it!” Joe had exclaimed.  
“Took you idjits long enough,” Bobby had said and went back to eating his steak dinner.  
“That’s great, honey. You boys want more potatoes?” Ellen asked, gesturing to Cas and Dean from across the table.  
Both men had been pleasantly shocked. The fact that their relationship was a non-issue reassured Castiel, and the doctor observed in the following weeks, that his adopted family’s acceptance actually made Dean more confident. Soon, Dean was the one placing kisses on Cas’ cheek or neck in the kitchen while they helped Ellen cook or entwining his fingers with Castiel’s as they walked down the street. That confidence carried over into the bedroom too.  
Though he told Castiel he’d fantasized about it a great deal, Dean had been very reluctant to bottom in bed. That year though, Dean allowed himself to open up and show his lover everything he’d been too timid to explore before.  
_Timid_ , Cas laughed to himself and how no one would ever associate that word with his partner.  
That was around the time that Dean began to take on a more submissive role in the bedroom which Castiel took like a fish to water. Physically, both men enjoyed switching from giving and receiving with no qualms, but for the most part, when it came to power dynamics, Dean prefered that Castiel take the reins.  
**************************************************************************************************  
Cas didn’t admit it at the time, but he longed to stay with Dean overnight _every_ night. He wanted to wake up with him every morning, but outwardly, he told Dean he was fine living in his little dark hole of an apartment in that rough neighborhood near County General. He didn’t want to push the other man. As usual, he would take things at Dean’s speed.  
But it was _Dean_ who proposed it at first, similar to the way a hetero couple would get engaged, except it happened with much less pomp and circumstance.  
Both men had been spending the night at each other’s bachelor pads more frequently, so much so that Cas had a drawer full of his clothes in Dean’s room and a shelf with toiletries in his bathroom. Likewise, Dean had a spare toothbrush and razor in Cas’ medicine cabinet, and a couple of changes of clothes in the dark-haired man’s bureau.  
It was a Friday, and though he was normally off from both the county ER and the V.A., he’d volunteered to help out at the local women’s free clinic, so he had to be up and out early.  
Against his better judgement, Castiel had given in to Dean’s needy demands to be _pounded_ into the mattress the night before. Cas woke up exhausted and achy and did not want to get out from under the covers, but he needed to hit the shower and get ready to go.  
He’d been spooning Dean for most of the night, and it _hurt_ to let him go. As the young doctor turned over to his side of the bed in an attempt to prep himself to crawl out of bed, Dean threw his arm and leg over him to trap him.  
“Dee, I have to get up, sweet boy,” Cas whispered gently, but shifted his hips back to press against the stiffness in his lover’s pajama pants.  
“Umm. No. I’m not letting you leave this bed,” Dean held him and kissed the back of his neck.  
“C’mon, Dee. It’s already hard enough for me to leave you in the morning. Please don’t make it harder,” Cas sighed.  
“Wish you could stay here with me,” Dean said, not letting go.  
Cas groaned and turned to face Dean.  
There was a sliver in the part between the thick drapes in Castiel’s bedroom, and Dean’s eyes caught the light like a magnet. He squinted as he looked at his lover and his green eyes were lit with flecks of gold. Dean closed the gap between them and kissed Castiel.  
“Cas,” Dean began softly, grazing his lips and teeth along Cas’ stubbled jaw, “...been thinking for a while…”  
“Umm?” Cas hummed to indicate to Dean to continue.  
“We’ve been together for a while…”  
“A _long while_ , Dean,” Cas grouced, “Whatever your point is, please get to it. I need to get up and get ready.”  
Dean let out a nervous laugh, “God, you’re really not gonna make this easy are you?”  
“Dean,” Cas said sternly.  
“Okay, well. So, uh, I’ve been thinking...I don’t like thinking of you coming home to an empty place in such a sketchy neighborhood. No offense,” he said carefully.  
“I know where I live Dean. I’ve just gotten used to it,” Cas said.  
“Yeah, well, I mean it’s dangerous, and also, you know, you spend so much money on rent when you know, you could be using that for a mortgage instead…” Dean mumbled.  
“Dean, what are you saying?” Castiel’s eyes went wide.  
“Well, uh, I still have my G.I. bill money. I never spent it. Never had a reason to, and uh, well, I’ve been saving up all the money I make at Bobby’s. You know he doesn’t let me pay rent no matter how many times I try to stick the bills right into his wallet or into the til at the garage. So, yeah. I have enough for a pretty big down payment, and what I mean is…”  
_Holy shit_ , Cas was on the verge of tears.  
“What I’m tryin’ ta ask is, will you spend the rest of your life with me? I want to buy us a house, so you don’t have to come home to an empty place or sleep alone. Honestly, if we could, I’d be asking you to _marry_ me, Cas,” Dean said, then waited with bated breath.  
Castiel found it hard to breathe as tears began streaming down his face.  
“Babe, don’t cry,” Dean said, kissing Cas’ moist cheeks.  
“Oh, Dean,” Cas locked eyes with him, and Dean looked worried.  
“Cas?”  
“Yes, Dee,” Castiel pinned Dean down flat on the bed, “ _Fucking, YES!_ ”  
Cas kissed Dean silly, and was _very_ late to his volunteer shift that day.  
*************************************************************************************************  
Soon after, they began searching for just the right house to make their home. They found it in an old, craftsman home that had seen better days, but still had good bones not too far from Singer Salvage.  
Escrow closed on the property fairly quickly and Cas and Dean spent their first night there on a bare mattress in the livingroom. They had enough money saved to renovate the home, but it took time, and they were fortunate enough to be able to spend many nights in Dean’s old room over the garage at the Singers’ while they worked on their new home.  
When they finally finished renovations, they invited their closest loved ones, including Sam and his long-time girlfriend Jess. Even all of Castiel’s brothers showed up, except Gabriel who was still “traveling abroad”. Dean had sent an invitation to his father as an olive branch, but he told Castiel that he wasn’t surprised when the man did not show up.  
Though Michael had been resistant to Castiel’s “lifestyle” at first, eventually the eldest Novak brother got on board and decided to accept his little brother and his partner, lest he lose once more sibling. Luke had lived in San Francisco so long that the idea of two men living together in a loving union was something he had grown completely indifferent to, but he was happy for _Cassie_ and Dean, and he even told him as much.  
His brothers didn’t want to impose, so they stayed at a hotel not too far away, and Cas was happy to see that they were both actually getting along like old times for once.  
Later that night, once all the guests had gone home, and Sam and Jess were sound asleep in one of the guest rooms, Cas and Dean pulled out a small box they had been saving for that day for over a year.  
In a very quiet and intimate ceremony, the two long term lovers pledged their love and loyalty to each other, and they exchanged rings with a kiss. They didn’t need witnesses or a certificate from the county to unite as one. If they could have made it legal, they would have with no hesitation, but they didn’t need it to know that their relationship was a valid one, to know that now they were husbands.  
************************************************************************************************  
**1979**  
_**Present Day**_

During challenging times in their relationship, Castiel liked to remind himself of how far he and Dean had come as individuals and as a couple. He twisted his shiny silver ring with the “C + D 9-18-71” inscription inside as the flood of warm emotions that were associated with his life with Dean evoked.  
He’d begun keeping a closer eye on his husband, and he didn’t say anything when he could smell the fresh scent of mouthwash and an additional spritz of Old Spice to mask the lingering smell of liquor from his breath.  
They didn’t keep alcohol in the house, save for one or two bottle of vintage spirits which they both indulged in when they had the rare visitor or during holidays. For the most part, Dean didn’t have more than a glass of liquor during those occasions any way. Drinking had been a means for him coping at one time that he hadn’t had a use for in many years.  
The last time Cas recalled Dean going down that dark rabbit hole was when the mechanic had reached out to his father for the last time. It was heartbreaking to watch Dean continue to turn the other cheek only to get slapped in the face by his father.  
That last time, Dean hit the bottle hard, and after much coaxing and arguing, Castiel finally convinced Dean to go back and start up counseling with Miss Missouri again. It took him a little while, but he got clean, and Dean decided that playing Sisyphus to his father was only making his life harder.  
“If he can’t accept me-can’t accept us, then we don’t need him in our lives,” Dean had said at the time.  
The memory of John Winchester continued to loom over Castiel’s husband, but they agreed not to talk about him, just like they didn’t talk about Chuck. They focused on living their lives, and spending time with their _true_ loved ones.  
When Sam and Jess had baby Mary, it made both men yearn for a child of their own. Sam had been instrumental in setting up their palimony agreement and squaring away their legal paperwork as much as possible to protect both Castiel and Dean in case something were to happen to one or the other. Being the good brother that he was, Sam did his best to use his lawyerly powers to find a way for Dean and his partner to adopt a child. After nearly two years of trying and getting nowhere, Cas and Dean relented and told Sam to stop trying.  
They were happy to play uncles to baby Mary, but it was hard with Sam and Jess living so far away.  
Cas looked at the film strip of him, Josie and Dean from the photo booth on the boardwalk. He ran a thumb over the image of Josie and tried not to wonder what she might be doing. With an aching heart, he shuttered the slim, cheap photo paper away in a locked drawer in his desk.  
_If only I could really shut you out so easily,_ the doctor sighed forlornly.  
Ever so briefly, Cas wondered if Josie's morning issues were nerves or _something_ _else_...  
Cas pushed that desire to know out of his heart and out of his mind along with any silly notions he may have held about the absent woman, and tried to deal with the task at hand. He kept an eye on the bottles of liquor they did keep in the house, and he noted that the liquid didn’t dindle from day to day.  
_So maybe he’s not that far gone,_ Cas thought hopefully, but he’d definitely have to talk to Dean about it before Halloween, before he was set to visit his brother like he always did.  
Castiel steeled himself and prepared to talk to his husband.  
He knew this Josie situation would get worse before it got any better, but ultimately, this episode was just another bump on the road.  
_Just one more thing I need to save him from_ , Cas thought to himself.  
For a moment, he considered reaching out to Josie, and convincing her to come back if even for a visit, but he felt like it wasn’t her responsibility to make things right between he and Dean.  
Cas was gonna have to do the heavy lifting, but at least it was a weight he was used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Dean & Cas' Anniversary- technically 9/18 is canon, and it's Cas' canon bday. In my fic, I made Cas' bday 9/24 because astrological compatibility. Happy birthday, Cas!  
> -Radio Show- Free firm radio was very popular at the time, and can still be found on some awesome L.A. stations Though not specified in the fic, I pictured the DJ as Wolfman Jack who was also the host of Midnight Special, a musical variety show also popular at the time.  
> -Led Zeppelin- Popular classic rock band, and the sing that's playing is "Stairway to Heaven", and came out in 1971.  
> -Palimony- Before Equal Marriage was legal, same sex couples had to set up special legal arrangements to own property and assests together in case anything happened to either partner. 
> 
> TAGS:  
> -FLUFF!  
> -Schmoop  
> -Pie  
> -Long walk on the beach   
> -Skinny dipping in cold water   
> -Shower sex  
> -Light Voyeurism  
> -Masturbation  
> -Kissing  
> -Frottage i.e. cock rubbing
> 
> The next chapter is complete and waiting to be proofread, BUT because there us so much sad/angst, I'm going to wait until I complete the following chapter and post both at once.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, we get more insight into Dean's background and see what he's been up to since Josie’s been gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, My Beauties!  
> Happy Halloween! (Yes, I know it's only October 1st.)  
> Thank you for your patience. Please note that Dean is NOT in a good place at all throughout most of this chapter. John Winchester also makes an appearance...you've been warned.  
> MIND the tags.  
> As promised, I will be posting TWO-count 'em-TWO chapters tonight!  
> Special thanks to the ever wonderful and gorgeous Kay Corson.  
> Thank you all for reading!

The last days of October were giving way to inkier skies, increasingly blustering winds, and longer nights.  
_Everyone always leaves or they just push me away_ , Dean pondered solemnly as he took a swig from his bottle of vodka.  
A chill ran down his spine as a gust of wind snaked its icy fingers under the collar of his weather-worn leather jacket.  
Though he hated the taste, he pushed himself to swallow the liquid past his tongue. It was a means to end that he hadn’t felt a craving for in years.  
When he was younger, Dean hated the taste of most liquor. It was bitter and it burned, and the smell reminded him of hurtful childhood memories, but he learned to push past the flavor and just swallow as much as he could. He learned that from his dad.  
_Like father, like son_ , he laughed humorlessly, shaking his head and taking another drink.  
He’d told Cas that he’d been staying late after dinner with Bobby and Ellen, so he wouldn’t worry. Instead, he kept finding himself driving back to the little blue houses off of PCH. Since Balthazar was the keeper of the keys and Dean didn’t want to deal with _that_ can of worms, he jimmied the lock to the house that had been Josie’s and tried to put himself in her shoes. He tried to imagine what had gone through her head that morning, and _why the fuck she hadn’t had the decency to give him and Cas a proper goodby_ e.  
He was angry because he was hurt. Deep down, he _knew_ that she’d have to leave. Dean had accepted that from the get go, but he didn’t think her absence would hurt so much or that the pain of her abandonment would cause such a rift between him and his husband.  
The two had been together for so long, and both were very protective of their relationship. It shook Dean to the core to think that this person, this beautiful stranger could sneak into their home and ingrain herself so thoroughly that when she ripped herself away, she took a little piece of Cas and Dean with her.  
_Because you left the door wide open for her to walk through, genius! Should’ve told Cas ‘no’,_ Dean thought taking a pull from the bottle as he sat on the wind swept deck in the dark.  
For a moment, Dean wondered what else she may have taken with her and what secrets she'd kept.  
The letter with his name written on it lay unopened, but joined by the photo booth pictures where all three lovers had rejoiced. It sat, burning close to his heart and in one of the inner pockets of his worn leather jacket.  
The only things lighting the evening were the twinkling of stars, stray strips of a glowing crescent moon through gauzy clouds, and the hazy lights of ships floating far off in the distance. Dean wanted to exorcise himself of what he was feeling. He wanted to run, but he knew that the hollow pit in his gut would follow him. No amount of alcohol was going to fill it, but _fuck_ if he wasn’t going to try and numb it as much as possible.  
What he craved the most was being held tightly by Cas and Josie. Dean hadn’t been with a woman since perhaps a year before he met Cas, and though he’d had the odd fantasy here or there- _hey, he's only human_ \- he’d never had any real desire to be with any other man or woman other than his husband.  
In fact, he was loyal to a fault. Dean was a handsome man- _or at least that’s what people said_ -and he’d get hit on at the supermarket, at the garage by some customers. Every once in awhile, he’d find scraps of paper with phone numbers with “Call me” scrawled on them in his jeans or coveralls. Dean would show them to Castiel, and they’d laugh about it. His husband would pretend to be jealous and would possessively pin him down against a wall or in bed and assert his claim.  
“Who do you belong to, Dean?” Cas would growl into his ear.  
“You, Sir. I belong to you,” Dean would answer eagerly.

Dean loved it when his husband would reinforce his possessiveness over him. It reassured him and made him feel wanted. Even when Cas would randomly caress his forearm or place a gentle hand on his lower back to maneuver around him in the kitchen, it let Dean know that the other man cared about him.  
Dean had been very tactile from a young age, and he had tried to stave off the need to touch and be touched, but it never really went away. Intuitively, Castiel somehow knew this, and did his best to sate Dean’s need to be held and touched.  
Taking a longer pull from his bottle, Dean wondered if that need came from being held and reassured with hugs by his mother, and then having that affection neglected by his father after his mother had died.

Maybe that’s why Dean was continually trying to make his father proud. Dean would take care of his brother Sammy; he’d make sure they were both clean, neat, and fed-when _food was readily available_. Their father would take off for days at a time allegedly looking for odd jobs, and wouldn’t always leave enough money for food or other supplies, so Dean learned from a young age how to make the little food they had stretch as much as possible, even if it meant only Sammy got to eat for a day or two. He even did his best in school and tried out for sports because he hoped his father would approve.  
He became a surrogate parent to his baby brother, and did his best to make sure that neither he nor Sammy had any trouble in school. They were always there on time, and Dean did his best to be as attentive as possible.  
Regardless of how well Dean tried to behave, he was teased mercilessly by his classmates for various reasons. Some made fun of him because he had no mother and because his father wouldn’t pick him up from class. Others made fun of him because of the worn out, but clean clothes he was forced to wear. Then there was that _extra special_ kind of asshole kid would would taunt him on the playground for being _“Such a pretty boy”_.  
He’d heard it for the better portion of his life, and Dean understood what that was supposed to mean. That somehow, because he looked a certain way, he was supposed to be a _prissy boy_. When he was younger, it was the main reason he got into recess altercations with his classmates, and it followed him into middle school and high school.  
It would piss off his dad on two fronts: _one_ , he hated that he’d had to take a day off work to go down and talk to the school about his son’s “behavior”, but _two_ , John Winchester couldn’t stand the idea that his son was viewed as a _“sissy boy”_. After meeting with the school’s principal, John would always tell Dean that he had a right to defend himself and prove he wasn’t a _“pansy”_ , but that he should try harder not to get caught next time.  
When he grew a little older, his dad's words dulled enough for him to make out with girls and the occasional guy. When he was shipped out to the jungle, it got a lot easier for him to find a hot and willing fella to jerk off or swap blow jobs with in the barracks or the showers. Male or female, Dean kept his lovers at arm's length, afraid to be emotionally vulnerable when he or the other person could be killed on any given day.  
And until Dean had met Cas, the small minded voice of his father was just loud enough for Dean to keep himself from fully indulging in the love of a man in the way he truly _wanted_ to. His loving and patient partner- _his husband_ -waited without pressuring him. When he was ready, Cas enthusiastically showed him what he'd been missing his whole life. It made him more confident in himself and his bond with Cas.  
There was nothing wrong with the way he lived his life or who he loved.  
_Fuck you, dad_ , Dean thought taking another drink.  
He knew he was spinning down the rabbit hole when he allowed his thoughts to go that far back into the dark, deep, pit of shit that was his fucked up childhood.  
_Should probably go see Missouri soon_ , Dean considered, and he remembered the last time he had to formally visit the hard ass of an angel that was Miss Missouri Moseley.  
************************************************************************************************  
**1975**  
_**4 Years Earlier**_

The Vietnam war was finally over.  
Dean couldn’t get over it. Cas on the other hand didn’t have much time to rejoice since the V.A. was packed beyond capacity with the steady stream of veterans that were finally coming home. For months after the war officially ended, Cas was working late hours at the V.A. Downtown and even pulling shifts at the Long Beach V.A.  
“There are just so many of them, Dean, and they all have so many different issues,” the doctor would confess to Dean sadly after a long, exhausting day.  
Cas would lay his head on Dean’s chest, and Dean would hold his husband and place loving kisses on his head. He could only imagine the state in which those guys were coming in, and he felt so grateful that his beloved doctor was there to watch over them, but he also wished that it wouldn’t deplete and marr Cas as much as treating them did.  
It was because he’d put in so many hours during the late Spring and Summer months, that Dr. Novak was able to take a little bit of time off at the end of October going into November.  
Every year after Dean had been discharged from the V.A. himself, he’d drive the Impala up PCH until he found himself on his little brother Sammy’s doorstep. Dean would head up the day before Halloween and stay until November 3rd.  
As kids, Dean did his best to enjoy Halloween. He loved dressing up and pretending to be someone else; it let him momentarily escape the dour reality he and his brother lived in. Young Dean even enjoyed getting creative to try and dress Sammy up in homemade costumes. But after they’d eaten all their candy, and put their spooky handmade decorations away, the memory of real horror would resurface on November 2nd. That was the day his mother had died.  
Each year the memory of her would fade just a little bit more, and it made it harder for Dean to remember what she looked like or sounded like until she too was just a flickering figment of his imagination. He wondered how differently his life and Sammy’s would be if she had lived. Would she have stayed with their father?  
Dean recalls both Bobby and Ellen complaining about how much of an asshole he was even before Mary died.  
Would Dean be less fucked up?  
On that particular trip up to visit Sam, Castiel came along for the first time. They even made brief stops in to visit Cas’ brother Michael in San Jose and Luke in San Francisco. All the while, Miss Missouri’s words struck Dean about his annual visits to Sammy’s.  
“Have you ever considered that perhaps your visits are more for _you_ than for your brother?” the older woman had asked Dean on one of their bi-monthly meetings.  
Over the years, they’d scaled back their visits from several times a week, to once a week, to twice a month. With his PTSD at a very manageable level for the previous couple of years, Dean was no longer as dependant on going to therapy as often as he once was.  
“No, I hadn’t,” he had admitted.  
“Think about it, Dean. Samuel was just an infant when your mother passed, he wouldn’t remember her. As hard as it is to hear, he wouldn’t miss her in the same way you would. Either way, if this is something you feel you need around that time each year, there is nothing wrong with that. I just hope that some day, you will reach the point where you meet the day with joy remembering all the thing good things your mother did, instead of with so much grief over her passing,” Missouri said softly.  
Dean thought about that as the radio played quietly in the background as they puttered along the highway.  
It had been a pleasant visit. After years of saving, Sam and Jess had finally bought a house of their own and were talking about starting a family. It was the fact that both he and Sam seemed to be happy and settled for once in their lives that gave Dean the hair brained idea to take the long route home.  
Cas was quiet when Dean said he wanted to “stop off’ in Lawrence before they went home.  
_As if Kansas was just on the way to Pasadena_.  
Though Castiel didn’t question the detour, Dean could feel his husband hiding a proud smile. The fact that Dean wanted to go anywhere near his hometown was an enormous step to show how far his recovery had come on multiple fronts.  
They took turns driving nonstop into the middle of the country. The redwood forest gave way to long stretches of desert until they reached those familiar open grass plains that Dean remembered driving through as an unruly teen. Because they arrived into the small town at night, the pair decided to stay in a motel and get some rest.  
The closer they got to the city limits, the more apprehensive and nervous Dean felt about returning to his hometown. He’d been away since before Bobby had asked him to come out to work for him.  
No one would cop to it, but Dean had figured out that his dad couldn’t deal with him or his PTSD any more. John had very little patience and would often wonder out loud why Dean didn’t just “get over it”.  
“Stop being such a pussy. We’ve all seen bad shit. That’s no reason to drown in a bottle, Dean,” his father would tell him hypocritically.  
The grizzled, older man would drink a quarter of a fifth before lunch, and _he had the balls to lecture Dean?_  
At the time, Dean genuinely thought that Bobby needed the extra help. A few years later, when his head was clear again, he surmised that his brother, Sammy, _bless_ _him_ , had reached out to Bobby to ask for his help. It was a good thing he did too. Bobby was a hard ass, but he cared. He and Ellen took him into their home knowing how fucked up he was, and did their best to keep the bottle away and make sure he was actually eating.  
Because he initially stayed in the spare bedroom inside their house, the older couple and their daughter, Jo, were privy to more than a few nights of Dean shouting and begging in his sleep.  
Both Bobby and Ellen had nudged and prodded him to seek help, until the fateful day when Jo had tried to go into his room to wake him. He was so far gone that, he nearly punched the young teen. Even years later, Dean felt horrible about it and apologized to his adopted little sister multiple times.  
“You weren’t yourself, Dean. Nothing to apologize for,” she said in that gruff way the Singers tended to speak.  
Here he was, years later, and had done his best to make peace with all those things.  
With Castiel by his side, Dean felt ready to do something he’d both wanted to do _and_ had avoided for years.  
Dean drove through the cemetery gates that housed what remained of Mary, his sweet mother who would sing him Beatles songs and bake him pies just because. Like a homing beacon, the Impala found the little plot of land easily enough, and Cas held his hand as they walked to the stone marker with the woman’s name on it.  
“Hi, Mom,” Dean’s voice caught in his throat as he placed some corner store flowers in front of the tombstone, and Castiel squeezed his hand in encouragement.  
Dean cleared his throat, “Sorry, it’s been so long since I’ve visited you. I just wanted to stop by and say hi. I brought Cas with me. He’s my husband, ma,” Dean smiled with a blush toward Castiel, “He can be a bit stiff at times, but I think you’d like him. He likes the Beatles like you. Can you believe his favorite is George though? I swear he was a hippy when he was a teenager.”  
Castiel nudged him playfully, and they both laughed.  
“But, yeah, Mom. I’m doing good. We have a house together, and I run a garage with Bobby in Pasadena. I get to work on vintage cars now too. It was my idea, but Bobby let me do it in his garage. It’s my dream job really, and Cas, he helps people...he helped _me_.”  
Dean leant over and placed an affectionate and chaste kiss on Cas’ lips.  
“...and Sammy, you should see him, he’s huge! Taller than me even. And his wife. Ooof,” Dean whistled, “She is way out of his league.”  
“Dean,” Cas shook his head.  
Dean laughed, “But really, he’s doin’ good. He’s a civil rights lawyer. Does all kinds of stuff to make people’s lives better. Helps out couples like Cas and me who can’t legally get married so that they can own property together and stuff. I’m really proud of him. You’d be proud of him. So yeah, he and Jess are talkin’ about havin’ a baby. Can you believe it? Sam a _dad_?” Dean smiled, “And Dad, well, sorry to say, ma, we don’t really talk much anymore. And because he doesn’t really talk to me, Sammy doesn’t talk to him either. The more I think about it though, it’s not right,” Dean worried his lip, “It’s not right that here Sam and I are livin’ our lives, and we’re doin’ things, and startin’ families, and Dad’s alone. It’s not right.”  
Despite how his father had neglected him, Dean didn’t want to give up on him.  
“I know he gave up on me,” Dean swallowed hard, and Castiel wrapped his arms around him from behind, “I know he wasn’t the best dad, but I want to be a good son.”  
“You are, Dean,” Cas whispered in his ear, and he wanted so much to believe his husband’s words.  
“Well, Mom, that’s about it. I hope you’re smiling up in heaven. We’re doing okay down here. We miss you, but we’re doing okay,” Dean nodded to himself.  
He kissed the tips of his fingers and touched them to the sun-warmed slab.  
Though he was sad, Dean also felt relief as he and Cas walked away from his mother’s grave and toward the Impala. It felt good to talk to his mother, to bring her flowers. He still missed her, he always would, but he felt a little better about honoring her by visiting her, and he decided that he didn’t have to be in Kansas to let her know what was going on in his life. He resolved to talk to her in his own head as if she could somehow listen, and he hoped that the message was getting to where ever she was.  
He hadn’t planned it, but Dean found his way to the rundown little house where he and Sammy had grown up. The house looked smaller to him and a bit shabbier than he remembered. His father’s old work truck was in the driveway, and for a moment, Dean was tempted to just turn around and drive all the way back to L.A. and forget this whole detour. Then he thought about the fact that his dad was alone, and he was the only blood parent he and his brother had left. It was his duty as the eldest to reach out to the man, if not for his sake than for the sake of Sam and the new family he intended to bring into the world.  
In his wildest of dreams, Dean imagined a Utopian future where his brother’s kids and his and Cas’ kids would come visit Grandpa John during the holidays, and he’d share with them some of the more pleasant stories about what Sam and Dean were like when they were growing up. It made the fair-haired man smile, and he felt he owed it to his brother, to himself, and _hell_ , he even owed it to Cas, who didn’t have a dad either, to extend the first olive branch.  
He told his husband to wait in the car while he went to the house to see if his dad was home, but Dean did intend to introduce Castiel to John as his partner, his _husband_. Dean didn’t pray, but he prayed that John would somehow be even the least bit open minded about it all.  
Gingerly, Dean knocked on the door.  
He didn’t have to wait long.  
John came to the door, but kept the tattered screen door shut. He wore glasses now, his dark hair and beard were peppered with flecks of white, and his face looked much thinner than the last time Dean had seen him.  
“Who is-?” John began to ask before he looked up, “ _Dean_?”  
“Hey, Dad,” Dean smiled nervously.  
John fumbled with the door, and stood on the porch in his house robe, and pulled his son into a bear hug.  
“Dean!”  
Dean couldn’t stop the tears that were streaming down his face, and gripped his dad just as hard.  
“Holy shit! I’ve missed you, son,” John’s voice wavered, and he refused to let go of Dean for several moments.  
“Missed you too, dad,” Dean’s voice was muffled by his father’s shoulder.  
He smelled like stale smoke, whiskey, and _home_.  
“Lemme take a good look at you, boy,” his father pulled away and shifted his glasses to get a better look at him, “Nice to see you’re eating again,” his dad teased.  
“Yeah, dad. It’s all thanks to Cas. How’ve you been?” Dean asked, and his dad seemed to miss the first part of that comment.  
“I’ve been alright I guess. Got a job at a local garage, but I can’t complain really,” he smiled at Dean.  
“That’s great, dad. Hey, I know things haven’t been all that great with us, and we haven’t talked in….but-”  
“Dean, don’t worry about it. You’re here now, and,” his dad couldn’t stop smiling and grabbing his shoulder, “Here, let’s go inside. I’ll make you some lunch or something.”  
“That sounds great, dad, but hey, hold on,” Dean said, stopping John from heading back into the house, “There’s someone I want you to meet.”  
John turned to Dean.  
“Let me get him,” Dean was about to turn to gesture for Cas to get out of the Impala.  
“‘ _Him_ ’?” John asked.  
“Um, yeah, Cas-Castiel, he’s my-” and suddenly, Dean was eight years old again, and watching his dad judge him because the kids on the playground had called him a “pretty boy”.  
“Dean, I don’t think….” his dad began.  
“Just for a sec, dad. He-he’s my-he helped me out when I was-” Dean tried to form an argument.  
“Dean. Look, I have to be ready to go to the garage in a bit. Maybe you can come back later... _by yourself,_  and we can talk, catch up?” John said, keeping his eyes from looking toward the man in the Impala.  
“Dad, I know how you are about this stuff, but Cas-he’s important to me, and I’d like you to met him,” Dean said plainly.  
“Dean, I-I don’t. I don’t want to met him,” John said plainly.  
“Why not?” Dean asked, offended.  
“Look, Dean. I don’t know what happened to you when you went to California, but I think somehow you got confused or something, but last I remember, you like _girls_ ,” John said, trying to reason with Dean.  
“I do, dad, but I like guys too, and Cas is my partner. He’s a big part of my life, and he’s _gonna be_ a big part of my life,” Dean stated firmly.  
“Are you listening to yourself, Dean!? That doesn’t even make sense. That pervert’s got you all confused!” John said with wild eyes.  
Dean stopped dead in his tracks.  
“I don’t know why I ever felt sorry for you. Fuck you, John,” Dean spat before moving away from his father.  
“Dean! Dean wait!” his father yelled as Dean slammed the gate on the chain link fence that surrounded his father's’ dried up yard.  
“You know what, _John_! Sammy and I are gonna build our families and live happy lives _without_ you. You’re a pathetic old drunk, and you’re gonna die alone. So fuck you!” Dean yelled, not caring that neighbors were coming outside to see what all the commotion was about.  
He hopped in the Impala, and burned rubber as he sped away.  
“Dean?” Cas asked carefully.  
“Fuck him,” Dean muttered, fuming with a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel as he drove as quickly as possible to the interstate.  
“Dean, slow down,” Cas demanded.  
“No, Cas. I want to get the fuck out of this town as quickly as possible. I shoulda never come back here,” Dean said holding back angry and hurtful tears.  
************************************************************************************************  
Dean had begun binging as soon as they got back home. Cas tried to talk to him, but he was too far down that dark rabbit hole to come back. He drank for several days, and didn’t bother showing up at the garage because he knew Bobby would reem the hell out of him for showing up drunk.  
For a few days, Cas didn’t say anything, and Dean took to masking how far he’d fallen with mouthwash and heavy cologne, but Cas _knew_. He always did. Dean could never hide anything from him.  
After the second week, Cas told him he needed to go see Missouri.  
“You think you’re only hurting yourself, but you’re hurting me too, Dean. I won’t watch you drink yourself into the grave,” Cas had said with tears in his eyes.  
Dean never wanted to be the reason his husband cried, and his foolishness became clear. Subconsciously, he thought he was somehow punishing his father, but he was only harming himself and tearing his relationship apart.  
“Okay. Okay, babe,” he’d agreed quietly and held on to his husband, placing kisses into his hair to reassure him.  
He didn’t go through a withdraw per se, but he did have to purge all the negative thoughts that had cluttered his mind, and he addressed how his father’s words and actions had hurt him. Dean had allowed himself to be vulnerable, and in return, he’d been hurt by a person who was supposed to love him.  
**************************************************************************************************  
**1979**  
_**Present Day**_

Dean realized that was precisely what he was doing once more.  
He was numbing himself to keep from thinking of how abandoned he’d allowed Josie to make him feel, and he somehow again, subconsciously, was hurting himself in order to hurt her.  
_Doesn’t work like that, Chief_ , that irritating, little insightful voice inside his head told him.  
Dean pulled the handle of vodka away from where he’d been cradling it to his chest and poured it out over the wooden railing on the deck until it was empty and threw it so that it landed with a hollow thud somewhere in the sand below.  
With hot tears prickling his eyes, Dean was overwhelmed with a need to be held by Cas, and though he hated himself for it, he wanted Josie too. It was late, and he was sure that Cas would be worried that he wasn’t home.  
As he tried to stand, Dean wobbled, and he knew he was too far gone to drive and had the presence of mind not to get in the Impala lest he crash his Baby or kill someone on the road. Feeling defeated, but determined to do better tomorrow, he crawled inside the bungalow, shuttering the door behind him, and staggered to the bed. When he fell face down on the musty sheets, Dean involuntarily sniffed the pillows hoping to catch a hint of Josie’s scent to no avail.  
_Something’s gotta give_ , he told himself as sleep overtook him.  
***************************************************************************************************  
The following day, Dean remembered one of the reasons he quit drinking as he awoke to the mother of all nasty hangovers. The light from the overcast sky stung his eyes and made the pain in his head hurt worse.  
Waking with a clearer head, he gathered his things, and locked up the house as best he could without a key. On his way home, Dean took a minute to stop by a fast food joint and pick up a shitty cup of coffee. The watery liquid made him yearn for the strong, dark miracle that his husband was probably brewing already-or had already brewed.  
When Dean looked at the clock in the restaurant, he saw it was already eleven am, and knew that he had fucked up and _bad_. Throwing his paper cup away, Dean ran back to the Impala, and fought traffic for another hour until he was finally home.  
Cas’ beloved Pimpmobile was still in the driveway, and for half a second, Dean was relieved to be home. Then he recalled that his husband was supposed to be at work, and Dean began to freak out. He wasn’t sure what awaited him on the other side of the large wooden door, but he needed to fix this sooner than later.  
When Dean crossed into the house, it only took him a moment to see Cas sitting stock still, not looking at him as he sat on the couch in the darkened room.  
The stoic doctor was quiet by nature, but that particular brand of silence made Dean very uneasy.  
_Like the calm before the storm_ , Dean thought.  
“Hey, Cas,” Dean approached the other man tentatively.  
Castiel did not move his cold, blue eyes from the coffee table nor did he uncross his arms from his chest as Dean moved closer.  
“Babe, are you okay? Look, I know I’ve been _off_ the last couple of days and shit, but-,” Dean began and was met with a look of pain and spite he never wanted to receive from his lover again.  
“Cas, don’t be mad. Please. I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. _Shit-,_ ” Dean bent down in front of the angry, statue-like angel before him.  
“Do you have any idea how worried I was, Dean?” Castiel said firmly, laced with pain and anger.  
“Cas, babe-,” Dean reached up to take Cas’ hand, but the other man pulled away and stood up to move away from Dean.  
“I don’t want to hear it. You didn’t come home last night _and_ you didn’t call. And you weren’t at Bobby’s either, and he said you’ve been skipping out early the last couple of days, _not_ staying to have dinner with him and Ellen like you’d been telling me. I was so worried, I even called Sam. When he didn’t know where you were, I called the morgue and every _goddamned_ hospital in L.A. and Orange County. I thought you were dead, Dean. I was planning your fucking funeral!” Cas grabbed Dean by the lapels of his old leather jacket.  
Dean was apologizing through tears as Cas got in his face.  
“And I can smell the fucking booze on you! I know you’re having a hard time since she left, _I’m_ having a hard time with it too. But she left _both_ of us, not just you, and it was our fault to begin with. I said this last time you fell off the wagon, and I’ll say it again, Dean. I’m not gonna stand by and watch you kill yourself slowly,” Cas’ tears began streaming down his face.  
“Cas, baby. I’m not-,” Dean tried to argue.  
“You need to go see Missouri, Dean,” Cas stated.  
“Cas, I’m fine. Babe, please,” Dean pled for his partner to hear him out.  
“You’re _not fine_ , Dean, and it’s breaking my fucking heart to watch you do this to yourself again,” Cas shuddered, “Lying to me again, not sleeping because I’m worried you’re gonna kill yourself or someone else while you’re drinking!” Cas let him go and walked away, rubbing his palms into his eyes.  
“Cas, baby. Look, I’ll do anything you want, just please-,” Dean put his hands on Cas’ shoulders, but Cas flinched away.  
“Don’t do it for me, do it for _you_ , Dean,” Cas said plainly.  
Dean moved to sit on the couch for a moment to take in what his husband was telling him.  
“I had to switch to the 2nd shift,” Cas moved toward the front door, “So after staying up half the night, worrying my husband might be dead for the last 16 hours, I have to go work a 12 hour shift. Think about what you need to do, Dean, and do it. I love you, but don’t think I’m going to let you keep hurting yourself.”  
And just like that, Dean felt more than he heard the front door slam.  
The air in the room shifted. It reverberated with the slamming door, and it haunted Dean. After a few moments of consideration, Dean grabbed his duffle bag and stuffed it full of clothes.  
_Sammy won’t mind if I’m a day or two early_ , Dean thought as he threw his bag into the backseat of the Impala and peeled out of the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Vietnam War - Ended in April 1975.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Depressed!Dean  
> -Alcohol as a coping mechanism.  
> -Homophobic/Biphobic!John Winchester  
> -John Winchester's A+ parenting.  
> -Homophobic terms.  
> -Intervention  
> -Mommy & Daddy are fighting- arguments between Cas & Dean.  
> -Pining  
> -Angst  
> -Man pain  
> -Daddy Issues


	5. Josie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, we pick up with Josie, and we find out what happened before she went to L.A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy Howdy!  
> As promised, here is the second chapter of the night.  
> Be warned, lots of EMOTIONAL things happening with Josie in this chapter. I'm posting this here instead of the end tags because it's a big part of the chapter.  
> There are NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic mentions of a previous miscarriage and brief NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic discussion about abortion as an option. If you would like to read, but need more detail, let me know and I can message you privately. I really don't want anyone to be triggered by this chapter.  
> Also, there is a saxy scene between Josie/Philip. If you want to skip that part, let me know, and I'll let you know exactly where that happens.  
> But note, this chapter does have a HAPPY ending.  
> Special thanks to my beloved beta Kay Corson for all the hard work she did on this chapter (there were A LOT of errors before I placed this into her talented hands).  
> MIND THE TAGS!  
> Take care of yourselves and thanks for reading!

Ever since she had first moved there, something about Chicago had always unnerved Josie. Maybe it was because it was such a metropolitan city and felt gray and gritty instead of shiny like she had fantasized about as a girl. Maybe it was that it felt as if there was a dark, heavy shadow over the Second City. Then she remembered all the ghost stories about burned down buildings, capsized boats, and mob murders that had once plagued the city, not to mention the never ending unrest between the police and people living in lower income areas. All of it suddenly overwhelmed Josie with a deep seated sense of frustration over injustice and the dark emotional drag of so much pain and death.  
She blamed this, as well as the early onset cold, for why she felt exhausted all of a sudden.  
Josie was convinced that the spirits of the city were somehow aware that she was back, and decided to welcome her by sucking away the little energy she could muster these days.  
Philip had never outright said that she was silly for believing in ghosts or “energies”, but his eyes would gloss over as if tuning her out whenever she’d say that a place didn’t feel _right_ or that she could swear that she felt someone looking down at her from a window in a nearby building they’d passed, though there was no one there.  
She had felt some darkness in L.A., especially in Hollywood on that infamous Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but with Castiel and Dean by her side, their brightness insulated her from it.  
_I guess I’ve got to be my own light from now on_ , Josie considered, but still couldn’t shake the heaviness of the city weighing down on her.  
The first thing Josie did when she arrived at her lonely one bedroom apartment on the third floor was open up all the windows to let some fresh air into the stale room. Her suitcase landed at the foot of her bed, and her purse lay on her dresser. The three hour flight had really tuckered her out, but the constant turbulence and rattling of drink carts up and down the aisle made it difficult for her to get much sleep.  
Because of the two hour time difference, most of the day was gone, and Josie resolved to deal with everything she needed to do like collecting her mail from the post office and restocking her fridge for another day. She peeled off the blouse and the jeans she’d been traveling in all day. Before she crawled under her cool sheets, Josie pulled a slip of photo paper from her purse.  
The kodachrome smiles in each of the panels warmed her heart, but it also made her stomach wane. She had been turning her actions over in her head, and though she decided that what she had done was the best course of action, Josie couldn’t help but feel a heavy guilt in her belly.  
It was exhausting, and it was really catching up with her body.  
Josie didn’t even realize that she had fallen asleep until she awoke in her suddenly darkened bedroom with the picture of Castiel and Dean still in her hand.  
She knew she must’ve been depleted from both the trip as well as not really being able to keep anything down for the last couple of days.  
Grabbing a light-weight sweater from her closet, the sleepy-eyed woman ran down to the corner store a block away from her red brick building. As she picked up an emergency supply of saltine crackers, apples, and ginger ale, Josie felt her heart drop at the familiarity of the items sitting on the counter.  
She shuffled the uneasiness to the back of her mind, grabbed all her goods, and practically sprinted back to her cubby hole of an apartment.  
_It’s just nerves. Just a bad plane ride_ , she told herself.  
The ginger ale helped settle her stomach as did the crackers, but she wasn’t hungry enough for an apple.  
That night, Josie fell asleep early and didn’t wake up again until early the next afternoon. Her whole weekend was pretty much shot, and she spent it recovering and napping on and off until Monday reared it’s ugly head.  
A frazzled and droopy-eyed Josie arrived a few minutes late to the familiar little industrial building, and she thanked the gods that be when she walked in and took in the glorious scent of coffee. Immediately afterwards though, Josie felt a bit panicked remembering that _she_ was usually the person who was in charge of making the coffee.  
As Josie quickly walked to her desk just outside Mr. Adler’s office, she cringed knowing that none of her male coworkers could be bothered to make the coffee, and that left only one person to prep the brew, and lord knows she’d hold it over Josie's head the whole week.  
“You’re late,” Naomi said crossing her arms, making her look even more overbearing than usual.  
“Hello, Ms. Adler,” Josie plastered on a fake smile and hurriedly stuffed her purse into her bottom drawer.  
“I trust you must had a good vacation Josephine, since it seems your schedule still appears to be on sabbatical,” the older woman raised an eyebrow.  
Naomi was the only other woman working in the busy steel distribution company, and she just happened to be Mr. Adler’s sister. Over the previous five years that Josie had worked at Adler Steel, the immaculately dressed woman would nit pick at everything Josie did, trying to find any fault to trip Josie up.  
Like Josie, Naomi had red hair, which lived perpetually tied back as tightly as the woman appeared to be wound. She was the office manager, but relegated most duties to Josie who, though she was Mr. Adler’s secretary, ended up having piles of work rained on her like dirt over a coffin. The job was killing her, and before Philip had ended things with her, she’d planned on leaving and working from home as a proofreader and editor full-time.  
His job as a broker paid well and would have allowed her to follow any career she would have liked without having to worry about finances, but she _always_ worried about finances anyway.  
When her mother was alive, Josie would watch her struggle to support both of them. Though she was young, Josie was a latchkey kid and didn’t depend on anyone to look after her when her mother was working long hours at one factory job or another.  
Being the good daughter that she was, Josie would cook dinner for she and her mother then sit down and do her homework before practicing that _god awful_ tap that she hated.  
“Mommy will know if you don’t practice. You want to make Mommy proud, don’t you?” her mother would ask with wide, nervous eyes.  
“Yes, Mommy,” young Josie would nod, trying to appease her mother.  
She would even walk herself over to the dance studio in Downtown Indianapolis after school each Tuesday. The classes were tedious, and Josie never felt good enough to be in the class with the other girls, both in regards to talent and because of the homemade clothes she wore. Her mother would collect scraps of fabric from one of the factories she worked for and painstakingly cobble together unique outfits for the little ginger to wear. It made Josie feel truly loved that her mother would spend so much time and energy making her those little masterpieces, and she was baffled and hurt that her classmates wouldn’t appreciate them.  
The memory of her mother hunched over their humble sewing machine made a lump well up in Josie’s throat which she had to shove down to deal with the shrew before her.  
“I apologize, Ms. Adler. It won’t happen again,” Josie had learned in the first year not to even bother making an excuse or attempting to offer an explanation.  
No one in the office cared what was going on in an employee’s personal life so long as they got work done like a _good little soldier_ , and Naomi was the most rigid of them all.  
“I should expect not. I had hoped you would have arrived early to go over what you missed while you were away, but now I need to start _my_ day, and I won’t have time to go over things with you,” the older woman said curtly.  
“I will figure it out. Thank you, Ms. Adler,” Josie said, watching the spinster woman finally walk away.  
When Josie finally took a moment to assess her desk, there were stacks of papers and folders with no notes. A temp had been hired to cover for her while she was away, and it looked like that person had been slacking, leaving a decent amount of work for Josie to have to catch up on.

 _Fuck me._  
To make matters worse, the newly returned secretary’s stomach roiled with queasiness. It just was not letting up, and the saltines she bought were just barely staving off her urge to run to the bathroom.  
“Welcome back, Josie,” Henry smiled at her as he walked into the busy sales office.  
“Hello, Henry,” she smiled at him genuinely.  
The dark haired man was possibly the only friend she had in the office.  
“I see you caught a tan. You’re glowing,” he smirked, “Did you have a good time?”  
“I had a great time actually,” Josie said, briefly thinking about days and nights spent on the sand with her handsome lovers at either side.  
“Good. I’m glad. Did you and Phil do anything fun out there?” he asked.  
Most people in the office had known that she and Philip were an item. When they were together, she and Phil had even gone out to dinner a few times with Henry and his wife.  
They’d been broken up for over a year, and Josie had never had the nerve to tell anyone that they weren’t together anymore. He was even still listed as her emergency contact in her employee file.  
Too deeply entrenched in the lie, Josie just nodded at Henry, and was grateful when the phone started ringing for the day.  
In addition to handling all of Mr. Adler’s affairs and dealing with the plethora of miscellaneous office duties, Josie also served as the receptionist on the company’s multi-line phone system and was in charge of routing all calls.  
“Thank you for calling Adler Steel. How may I direct your call?” Josie said in that telephone script that was second nature to her.  
Henry waved at her as he walked away, and Josie was thankful that she didn’t have to elaborate. She really wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep up the whole serade.  
**************************************************************************************************  
**1977**  
_**Two Years Earlier**_

Josie couldn’t believe it, Poppa had been gone just over a year.  
He had been in his early seventies, and had never fully retired. He’d scaled back the farm to just a few small acres, and had a tiny workforce keeping things afloat. Poppa Cain had been a hard worker all his life, and refused to listen to Momma Colette or Josie when they would nag him to retire.  
“I’ll quit when I’m dead,” he would say as if they had personally insulted him by insisting, “I’m not gonna sit on my ass for the rest of my life.”  
He was a stubborn old man, and one day he just didn’t wake up. Momma Colette was beside herself when she had spoken to Josie early that morning.  
Phil had grumbled in bed until Josie finally got up to answer the phone.  
In the days leading up to her Poppa’s passing, Josie had felt uneasy and that night she slept fitfully. It was no surprise when she heard the broken tone of Manuel, her grandfather’s foreman, on the other line. He confirmed that Poppa Cain had passed peacefully, but that Momma Colette was in a bad way. Josie could hear her crying for her husband in the background, and something inside the young woman tore. Tears assaulted her eyes without warning, and she had to heave breaths to take air in between sobs.  
Before she had calmed herself properly, Josie was already mentally booking a ticket on the next bus out of Chicago into Indiana when Philip insisted that she take a moment to breath. He offered to drive her, and though Josie didn’t want to inconvenience her lover, she accepted.  
The distraught woman kept herself together enough to call work that day, and really, Naomi was the last person she wanted to speak to, but Josie needed to let them know that she wouldn’t be in. She could almost hear Naomi pursing her lips impatiently on the other end of the line.  
But at that point, Josie didn’t care. She needed to be there for her family.  
A day later, services were held at the Catholic church she had attended as a young child. Aside from the cathedral like architecture, she didn’t care for the structure or the oppression it had symbolized for her as a young teen. Droves of people from the town and surrounding areas came out to pay their condolences, which wasn’t at all surprising to Josie because though Old Man Cain was a curmudgeon, he was very well respected and well known for helping people out when they were in need.  
When Josie found out that her grandfather didn’t have all of his affairs in order, she let Adler Steel know that she would be staying behind to sort everything out. Naomi was not happy about it, but she didn't want to appear openly callous, so she just asked Josie to let her know when she'd be back in the office. Josie was all that her grandparents had, so it was up to her to untangle the mess of paperwork and deeds that needed to be straightened out.  
After much deliberation and heartache, Josie and Momma Colette decided that it would be best to sell the house, the farm and all the equipment and move Momma into a smaller location.  
“I can come back home, Momma. I don’t need to be in Chicago. I’m no stranger to running the farm,” Josie had insisted furiously.  
“This little plot of dirt had given us all it can, pumpkin, and so have you. It’s about time to move on,” her grandmother had uttered with a sigh, and Josie knew that she was talking about more than just their land.  
At the time, Josie felt unbridled fear and instability. Poppa was dead, and Momma wanted her to sell the only home she had ever known. In the back of her mind, Josie fantasized about coming back to raise a family in the old farm house, but the details were always blurry at best, now that wouldn’t happen at all.  
They moved Momma Colette into a home for the elderly, and that was ultimately where her sweet grandmother passed away almost a year to the day of her Poppa’s passing.  
This time Phil didn’t drive her. He was caught up working on a _big deal_ and couldn’t join her, but he let her take his car to drive out and wrap everything up. Deep down, Josie knew that funerals weren’t Phil’s thing, all the people and emotion made him uncomfortable, so she didn’t push him to come.  
The life of her beloved grandmother was whittled down to a box filled with trinkets that Josie treated like heirlooms and a few pieces of furniture that Poppa had crafted with his own two hands. She’d managed to hitch a small U-Haul trailer to Phil’s GTO to bring all the items home that she could. After gifting many items to friends and former employees of her grandparents’, Josie piled as many items as she could into the little trailer. Josie knew that Phil would bitch about where in the world they were going to put all the items because they only had a moderately sized one-bedroom apartment with no storage unit, but the grieving woman didn’t care. Everything in the back of that trailer was the last of what remained of her family, of her _home_ , and she was going to hold on to whatever she could.  
Since her boyfriend was at work when she returned to Chicago, Josie took it upon herself to heave most of the items from the trailer upstairs. A helpful neighbor saw her struggling with the solid wood rocking chair that her grandmother would sit in for hours humming and crocheting after a long day in the field and helped Josie get it up the last two flights of stairs.  
When Philip finally arrived home at the end of the day, he fisted his hands into his blonde hair and looked at Josie with astonishment. Josie sat in the middle of the room with an open cardboard box in front of her crossed legs and she was holding back tears as she carefully thumbed through an old photo album with pictures of her parents and grandparents when she was a baby.  
Philip took in a deep breath and calmed himself before slowly crouching down next to Josie in his oak colored suit, “Honey?”  
“Hello, Phil,” Josie looked up meekly, waiting for him to blow up over how little floor space was left in the apartment.  
“Hi, Josie,” he kissed her softly and rubbed her cheek with his thumb, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? And why didn’t you wait for me to help you bring everything up?”  
“Sorry, babe. I just...had to get out of there, and I needed to get the U-Haul back, so…”  
“Yeah, um, so what is all this stuff?” he looked at a few stacks of boxes and old furniture pieces competing for dominance in their small living room.  
“It’s what’s left,” Josie said sadly.  
Philip kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around his woman. When he was finally holding her, Josie let herself sob into the expensive material of his blazer. She was thankful that he held off on asking her about where the hell they were going to put everything long term and what her plans were because she really didn’t know herself.  
They did have that conversation several days later though, and Josie couldn’t help but be incredibly touchy. It felt as if he was trying to force her to get rid of everything, the last vestibules that remained of her family.  
“Honey, you don’t need to get rid of anything,” he would plead for her to understand, and he’d get that doe-eyed look in his brown eyes that would make her feel like an asshole, “I’m just asking what you plan on doing with it all. It’s taking up a lot of room, and it’s hard to move around here.”  
“I know,” she would say petulantly, “I _fucking_ know, Phil, but I don’t have a plan. Why do _I_ always have to be the one with the goddamn plan!?”  
Josie was fuming and frustrated with everything. No matter how much she had tried to prepare herself for the losses she’d experienced, she really couldn’t deal with them. It had been less than a week since she got back from Indiana, and she felt like she was losing her grip on everything around her. Her family was gone. Her job paid for the bills that she insisted on paying for, and Phil was trying to be understanding, but she just wanted to strangle him when he pushed her to make a decision dealing with things she wasn’t ready for.  
“Josie. Baby,” Phil approached her slowly, “I’m not your enemy.”  
The woman gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, fighting her unjustified anger.  
He placed both hands on her cheeks and continued, “I don’t want to fight you. This is hard for you. I get it. I just want you to let me in on what you’re thinking. Okay?”  
Josie felt like a horrible person. She knew her boyfriend was just trying to help in his own way. After three years together, they knew each other exceedingly well, but they still continually butted heads because they were both very assertive and very stubborn, but they would work through their issues because they also loved each other.  
“Okay,” Josie relented with a crack in her voice.  
Philip kissed her chastely and enveloped her in a warm hug as if trying to convey how much he felt for her into one embrace. Tears streamed down her face as she deepened the kiss.  
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here,” he told her in a comforting voice in between kisses.  
Josie tugged on the man’s shirt until they were both in the bedroom.  
He let Josie push his tall, thick frame onto the mattress where she laid herself flush over him. Philip groaned into her open mouth and began lifting up her blouse to get her bare skin under his fingers.  
Josie helped him and pulled the blouse off completely so that she was straddling him in just her pedal pusher jeans and a black bra.  
Philip flipped them over so that Josie was lying on her back, and he began to unbutton her pants. He quickly tugged the capris from her legs and threw his blazer off before diving in to kiss Josie’s inner thigh.  
She bit her lips with a moan.  
“No, come here. I want to kiss you.”  
Josie grabbed the lapels of her lover's cream colored dress shirt until his lips were sealed to hers. His five o'clock shadow scratched the tender skin around her plump lips. Her nimble fingers helped her eager man unbutton the shirt and unbuckled the pants that lay as barriers between them.  
When they were finally pressing together with their clothes and undergarments strewn about the floor and partially hanging off the mattress, Philip stuck a pair of fingers in Josie's mouth. She moaned as she sucked on them and slicked them up with saliva before the ash blonde man dipped them into her pussy. He always like to make sure she was wet before breaching her sweet nether lips.  
With lust blown pupils, his eyes look nearly black instead of brown. Josie likened him to a panther as he slunk over her and parted her knees wider. He teased the head of his cock on her erect clit, making Josie shudder and shake before he shoved his full length into her tight, dripping channel.  
"UHH!" the redhead sucked in a deep breath and dug her nails into her lover's back as she held on while Philip pounded into her mercilessly, "Mmm, fuck! Philip! Yes! Love you. Need you," Josie moaned and claimed the man's lips.  
He took her hands and moved them above her head against the mattress. As he laced his fingers with hers, he thrusted deep into the woman so that his pelvis slapped against her hips loudly.  
"Not gonna last long, baby," he warned in between kissed.  
"Come, Phil. Want to feel you unload inside me. Hot and wet. C'mon. That’s it! Fuck! Fuck!" Josie’s voice shook as Philip speed up his pace and flooded her chasm with his warm seed.  
They paused and panted as they caught their breaths until the man finally pulled out his spent member.  
Philip lied on his side of the bed and stretched his left arm open to allow Josie to nestle her wild, red hair on his chest. She listened to his heart beating under her ear and was about to flutter her tired eyes shut when her man’s voice rumbled in his throat.  
“That was amazing, honey.”  
Josie beamed with pride and ran her long nails along one of Phil’s pecs, “Ditto.”  
He giggled beneath her.  
“Now, what are we gonna do about all that stuff?” he wrapped both thick arms around Josie’s shoulders.  
She sighed, “I guess we’re just gonna have to get a bigger place.”  
They both laughed together. It was their little running joke. They’d been together for two years when Philip had acquired the one-bedroom apartment, and Josie had been happily living in a studio apartment with an old Murphy bed in the wall. It had been a haven for them both, and they’d discussed moving in together, but would always come to the conclusion that they were both happy living separately.  
That was until Phil spent his first month alone in his new apartment. He claimed that he worried about Josie spending the night alone in her little bachelor apartment in a rough neighborhood. Josie didn’t doubt that he worried about her, but she also had a feeling Phil just didn’t want to be alone either. After the first month of cohabitating in their one-bedroom on the third floor of the brick building, the running joke about them “needing a bigger place” had been born.  
Cradled in her lover’s arms, Josie drifted into an afternoon nap and Phil followed right behind her.  
**************************************************************************************************  
A few months after Momma Colette had passed away, Josie could swear she still felt her grandmother near. If she was still enough, she almost felt the welcome caress of a hand affectionately along the back of her head and shoulder.  
For the previous couple of weeks, Josie had lied in bed, inhaling and exhaling hard to fight the slight queasiness she felt. At first she thought it may have been food poisoning, but when her cycle was over a week late, she became suspicious.  
She had scheduled a visit to her gynecologist during her lunch break. Josie had tried to hide her symptoms from Phil as much as possible until she was sure of what was going on.  
Dr. Marv had confirmed her suspicions to be true. Though Josie hadn’t really been vomiting or fainting like women seemed to do in books and movies, the curly haired doctor reassured her that she was in fact _expecting_. From her missed cycles, Josie calculated that she was almost three months along. She hadn’t put on much weight and wasn’t craving anything strange. If she hadn’t skipped her period, she probably wouldn’t have noticed she was pregnant until she was about to give birth.  
Josie felt so foolish. She was always so careful about using her diaphragm with Phil and even had back up birth control pills should she bypass the primary method. With all that had happened with her Momma’s passing and having still not completely adapted to her Poppa’s passing, Josie wasn’t surprised that she had let her routine fall to the wayside. Even at work her follow up was sloppy, and she was increasingly distracted.  
That evening, she paced a hole into the wood in the living room as she figured out how she was going to tell Philip. They had talked about the possibility of children _in the future_ , but they hoped to be married and properly established by then. Ideally, they wanted a house in the suburbs where Josie could work various little jobs from home while Philip continued to work at the insurance brokerage in the metro area of Chicago. Even with the money that Josie had inherited from the sale of her grandparents’ farm and the little money left over from their life insurance, Josie didn’t think it would be quiet enough for a full down payment on the type of house she and her dark-eyed man had discussed.  
When he walked through the door, the blonde man set his briefcase by the door and walked over to an anxious looking Josie. He placed a soft kiss on her lips and threw her a curious look.  
“Hey, honey. You okay?” he asked.  
“We need to talk,” Josie said, rubbing her hands together nervously.  
“Okay?” he raised an eyebrow as he moved to sit down.  
Fortunately, between the living area and the bedroom, they’d been able to find a spot for all the extra furniture Josie had brought home from Indiana.  
“Well, I really don’t know how to say it, so I’m just going to say it,” she said pacing in from of Phil.  
“Jeez, Josie, you’re making me nervous, babe. Just tell me what’s going on. You’ve been acting kinda weird the last couple of days. Is everything okay?” he asked with concern.  
“Yeah, everything is fine, but um, I’m pregnant,” she said plainly, waiting for his reaction.  
“What?” his eyes went wide.  
“Fuck! Look, Phil, I know we didn’t plan this, but- _shit_!” Josie sat down and put her hands in her head.  
“Really?”  
“Yes, Philip, I wouldn’t lie about something like this, and I’m freaking the fuck out right now, so please just-” Josie kept her hands over her face.  
“So what do you want to do?” he asked carefully.  
“What do you mean?” she looked at him thoughtfully.  
He sat there quietly looking at her.  
“Jesus fucking Christ, Phil. _Really_!?” she spat.  
“No, Josie. Babe, look, whatever you want to do, I’ll support you,” he replied, wrapping his arms around Josie’s shoulders.  
“But this isn’t something you _want_?”  
“I didn’t say that. It’s...unexpected, but it’s not something bad,” he said locking eyes with her.  
“I’m keeping it, Philip,” she replied sternly.  
He looked a bit nervous, but nodded.  
“Okay. Good. We’ll just have to speed up our plans a little bit,” he said with the wheels turning in his head.  
They had never formally become engaged, neither felt a rush to get married because they foresaw themselves being together for a long period of time and didn’t need a piece of paper to validate their relationship.  
“Yeah,” Josie said reluctantly, thinking about wanting to keep her job at Adler Steel for the time being.  
There’s no way she would be able to waltz into work with a full belly and no wedding band on her finger. Still, she didn’t want Phil to feel obligated to marry her.  
“Phil...we don’t _have_ to get married,” Josie reassured him.  
“Not right away. It’s gonna take a little while to plan the wedding,” Phil was already making plans in his head.  
He had a fairly large family and if any members were not invited to his wedding, they’d be upset because they were left out.  
“Yeah. I know a wedding can take a little while to plan, but that’s not what I mean,” she said with her blue-green eyes holding his warm brown ones, “What I’m saying is, you don’t have to marry me Phil. If you do, I want it to be because you love me not because of some societal bullshit.”  
He hesitated for a moment, “Of course I want to marry, Josie,” he kissed her and ran his fingers through her hair affectionately, “Things are just happening a little faster than I thought they would, but we can get married just before you start showing. We’ll have to start looking for a house, but I don’t think you’ll be able to quit that job just yet. I wish you could. I’d love it if you just stayed home and took care of our kid- _holy shit_ -we’re having a kid!”  
Josie laughed at his panicked yet joyful reaction.  
“Yes. Yes, we are,” Josie said, holding on to Phil like the rock that he was for her and trying not to full on panic.  
***************************************************************************************************  
Josie and Phil set their wedding date for two months into the future. They hoped that she wouldn’t show too much at five months, but they needed at least that much time to send out invites, book a venue, pick a caterer, the whole nine.  
Josie had put in a time off request at work, and even though Ms. Adler rolled her eyes at her for requesting a month and a half, she was obligated to give Josie the time off she had painstakingly earned. She’d been at Adler Steel for just over a year longer than she’d been with Phil, and with the exception of taking time off to deal with the passing of each of her grandparents, the woman had not taken a day off since her tenure there.  
She and Phil were also narrowing down their choice of houses in the suburbs, but none of the rickety old houses felt right. Some of them even felt very dark and ominous, so much so that Josie would tell Phil that they should leave before even setting foot on the porch.  
Josie threw herself into crocheting little baby booties in the rocking chair. They’d placed it by a window that overlooked the city skyline, and somehow sitting in that chair. working the yarn between her fingers made her feel closer to both Momma Colette and Poppa Cain.  
_I hope they’re happy where ever they are._  
It was almost easy for Josie to forget that she was carrying a child. She still wasn’t gaining much weight and any queasiness she’d been feeling had subsided. The baby seemed to be very subdued which Josie didn’t mind much since she was able to go about her life as if nothing else was going on with her body, but in the back of her mind, something felt _off_.  
In the middle of her fourth month of pregnancy, her instincts confirmed that something had been wrong. She was torn from a dream by severe cramping, and she awoke in tears reaching for Philip.  
“Josie, what’s wrong?” a sleep-addled Philip held her hand.  
“I don’t know. It just hurts. Something’s not right,” she cried.  
Philip threw a coat on her to stave off the chill of the oncoming winter. He half carried her and half propped her with his arm as they quickly made their way to the car downstairs. Once in the car, Josie passed out.  
When she awoke in the hospital some hours later, the ER doctor told her, “There was nothing we could do.”  
Josie’s blood ran cold as she realized that the barely there baby she’d been feeling was gone, and it was as if she was losing her family all over again. She had hoped that the child would help forge a new chapter in her life, that it would help her finally feel as if she wasn’t alone. Even with Philip, there were times when she felt like she was on her own.  
Phil leaned in towards her and held her as she mourned their lost child.  
_I killed my baby. I should have known something was wrong. I should’ve known_ , she kept telling herself and cried harder.  
***********************************************************************************************  
“These things are more common than you’d think,” Dr. Marv had told her, “Sometimes you’re body’s just not ready or it’s just not the right time, but you’re young, you can try again, and now you and your fiance have some time to get married before the next one.”  
If Josie had had more strength or had been feeling anything more than guilt and sadness, she would have punched the doctor in his smug face.  
Her body had betrayed her, and there was nothing anyone could say to make her think differently. Of course, she couldn’t share those thoughts with Philip; he was worried about her enough as it was.  
They had to postpone the wedding to about a year and a half into the future. They both had more time to plan properly. Honestly though, Josie wondered why he was marrying a basket case like her after all. With the baby gone, there was nothing tying him to her.  
It took about two months for her body to purge all the pregnancy hormones and start feeling somewhat stable again. Philip still continued to care for her with kid gloves, and she hated it. She hated feeling weak and broken. Normally, Philip was the one who would seek Josie out for validation, and she wasn’t used to needing that from him.  
Josie had felt as if she was losing her grip on reality, losing all control over her life, and she needed to do something to regain it again.  
After losing her baby, Josie was determined to replace it, to restore the little family that should have been. She would coax Philip into making love to her multiple times a day, if possible, just to try and conceive. He relented and would try to make love to her at least once or two a day, but after a few months of trying, Josie was still getting her period. It was a little more sporadic than it used to be, but it always indicated that her womb was still barren.  
One night before bed, Josie began kissing her fiance and was about to run her hand down his chest to his crotch when Philip gently halted her hand.  
“Honey, we need to talk,” he said softly.  
Josie felt uneasy and knew that something serious was coming.  
“Less talking, more fucking,” Josie said playfully as she went to kiss Philip again.  
He held a hand out in front of himself and carefully pushed her away.  
“We can’t keep doing this,” he said plainly.  
“Doing what?” she said feigning naivete.  
“Stop it, Josie. I know what you’re doing. I get it. You want a baby, but this isn’t the right time for us,” he said, trying to make her understand.  
Josie looked down and fiddled with the hem of her thin nightie.  
“It wasn’t the right time before, but we were going to do it anyway,” Josie said quietly.  
“Yes, but that was because it just kind of _happened_. This is different. We should wait until after we’re settled, until after we have everything in place that we need,” Philip continued.  
“All of that will fall into place, Phil. Don’t you understand? I need this,” she said sadly.  
“Josie, you think you do, but you don’t, not really,” Phil said cupping her cheek.  
“I’m tired of being alone,” Josie admitted with a break in her throat.  
“You’re not alone. You have me,” he smiled at her meekly.  
“It’s not the same,” she shook her head.

Josie could almost see Philip's heart breaking.  
“Josie, I don’t want to have a kid right now. Honestly, I don’t know that I ever really want to,” he admitted.  
“Are you fucking kidding with me right now, Philip?” Josie sat up in shock.  
The thought of a successful pregnancy colored her mind, and she thought about raising their child with Philip as more of an unwilling spectator in the background than an actual father.  
“Babe, don’t be mad. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” he tried to explain.  
“So you were just going to let me have a kid even though you really didn’t want it. What did you think was gonna happen, Phil?” Josie asked, running her hands through her flaming locks.  
“I don’t know what I thought, but I wasn’t about to make you get rid of it. That would be barbaric, and you were getting so excited about it…” he said sadly.  
That night, they didn’t make love, they didn’t spoon like they normally did. In fact, there was a wide trench that had been dug between them in their bed that night, and it stuck around for several nights to follow.  
That night was the beginning of the end.  
They called off the wedding. Luckily, it happened before they’d sent out invitations, so they were both spared the humiliation of letting most people know how close they had gotten to being wed. Unluckily, it happened after Josie had requested the time off from work for pre-wedding prep and a decent length honeymoon. She really didn’t feel like giving anyone at work any explanations, so she just didn’t cancel the scheduled vacation.  
After much deliberation, Philip was ultimately the one who decided to move out. They spoke over the phone every week or so just to check in on each other, but they both knew that their relationship was over. It was increasingly difficult for Josie to maintain a friendship with someone she had once been so close to, and though it hurt horribly, she kindly asked him to stop calling.  
_Like a_ _band-aid_ , she thought, _It hurts like a bitch all at once, but after a while, it doesn’t sting as bad._  
After their breakup, Josie reset herself like a default and reestablished a routine to put _herself_ first. She ate regularly, would take herself out on dates to the movies, or comedy clubs downtown, and slowly she began to feel like her own person again. She contemplated moving out of the apartment that Phil had chosen for himself because it never really felt like Josie’s, and she thought about uprooting and moving somewhere new altogether, but never seemed ready to make such a massive choice.  
When her scheduled vacation time came around, Josie chose to go to Los Angeles at random because she had never been there before and treated the whole trip like a sabbatical. There she would hope to decide which direction in which to go.  
*************************************************************************************************  
**1979**  
_**Present**_

Josie didn’t think she could handle another heartbreak, and yet she had opened herself up to loving Castiel and Dean so easily. It was very cavalier of her to just fall in with them without a thought or consideration for any consequences.  
It was the beginning of October, and thoughts of blue and green eyes and sand and sea salt followed her like a ghost as well as that goddamned nausea that refused to let her sleep in every morning. Like clockwork, she would be up at 5am and in the bathroom.  
_Food poisoning doesn’t last a month and a half_ , she told herself anxiously.  
She’d put off going to the doctor as long as possible. She was about to dial Dr. Marv’s office, but couldn’t help but remember how callous he was when she’d miscarried.  _Asshole._ Instead, she decided to anonymously go to the local women’s clinic on one of her weekend days off.

Dr. Pam, a boisterous and sassy brunette, confirmed that Josie was in fact with child.  
“I’d say, from your symptoms and estimated conception dates, you’re about two months along,” the doctor told her neutrally.  
Josie must’ve looked shocked or terrified because suddenly the doctor was asking, “Sweetheart, are you okay? There are _options_ , you know?”  
“Yeah. Yes, I do,” Josie was silent for a moment and took a deep breath.  
“You don’t have to decide right now,” the doctor took her hand to reassure her.  
“I want it,” Josie said through tears, “I just don’t want to kill this baby too.”  
Josie began openly sobbing.  
Dr. Pam embraced her and waited for her to calm down a bit before prying for more info.  
“Have you had an abortion before? I won’t judge you if you have,” the brunette looked her square in the eye.  
“Miscarriage,” Josie replied in a whisper.  
“Oh, darlin’. I’m really sorry to hear that. Was it with the same partner you have now?”  
Josie shook her head.  
“Look, it can be really hard to go through that, but these things happen, and it’s nobody’s fault. Most of the time we don’t know why it happens. Sometimes there is a problem with the woman’s biology, or there’s a blood incompatibility between the mother and the father, and other times it’s just shitty luck,” Pam squeezed Josie’s hand, “But if you want to keep this little guy or gal in there, I can help you do your best to see this through. We can run some tests to make sure that everything is going okay in there. How’s that sound?”  
Josie nodded, “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome, my dear,” the doctor began scribbling on a pad, “Here, I’m gonna recommend some prenatal vitamins for you. Do you like coffee?”  
“Love it,” Josie smiled.  
“Well, that’s too bad, because for the next few months you’re gonna have to say bye bye to the caffeine dragon.”  
“Okay,” Josie agreed with mirth that she hadn’t felt in far too long, “Oh, there is one thing. I’ve been having really bad nausea for over a month, and I’m having trouble eating much.”  
“We can’t have that. This is the time for you to get as fat as you can,” Pam winked at her, “I’ll write you up a prescription to help with that. Use as needed, but just know that it can make you a little drowsy. We need you to eat as much as you can.”  
“Yes, it’s really frustrating to be hungry and nauseous at the same time. I swear it’s like she just wants me to know she’s in there and is sick of me ignoring that she exists,” Josie ran a tentative hand over flat stomach.  
“ _She_?” the doctor asked.  
“Hmm. Don’t know why I just said that,” Josie said curiously.  
“Mother’s intuition,” Pam patted her hand, “Since you have a history of miscarriage, I’d like you to come every two weeks just to make sure everything is going okay. Give me a call here at the clinic or call the ER right away if you start to have cramping or spotting, but I hope you won’t have to.”  
Josie grabbed her prescription from Pam and felt revitalized and hopeful.  
The woman was nearly giddy with delight as she caught the L train home until she started thinking about whether or not she should try to contact Castiel and Dean to let them know.  
_Of course, you should let them know. One of them is the father….but which one?_  
It really didn’t matter to Josie, but she wondered if they even _wanted_ something like this and what their reaction might be. She didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Phil, and she certainly didn’t want to cause any problems in the men’s relationship.  
_I’ve got time_ , she thought with an exhale and decided to wait to call them until she had had time to acclimate herself to the idea.  
She was finally going to have what she’d been wanting all her life, a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Please note, I've never been to Chicago before.  
> -Chicago History/Ghost Stories  
> *Second City/Fire - Second City is a nickname for Chicago because the original city was burned down in a massive fire and was rebuilt.  
> *Capsized Boats - There was at least one tourist boat that capsized in the early 1900s on the Chicago River.  
> *Mob Murder - During the 1930s Prohibition, Chicago was a hotbed of crime and racketeering, and many gangsters would kill to eliminate the competition.  
> *Violence in Low Income Communities - At the time this story takes place (and even today), violence in low income communities is prevalent.  
> -Diaphragm - Not so commonly used form of birth control now, but is a method that serves as a barrier to keep semen OUT.  
> -Birth Control Pill - Still commonly used today. Helps prevent pregnancy.  
> -Josie's mentions of "energies" - In my headcanon, I believe that Josie is a bit "sensitive" to spiritual energies and ghosts, etc.  
> -Bitch!Naomi - Fun fact: her character is based on woman who have worked in supervisory positions over me in the past who were exactly like this (and worse).  
> -Personal to me -A lot of the grief processes and relationship conversations taking place in this chapter are based on things that actually happened to me with the exception of the pregnancy/miscarriage and breakup. *Knocks on wood*
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Previously mentioned minor character deaths.  
> -Grief  
> -Irrational behavior caused by grief  
> -Loneliness  
> -Brief appearance by Doctor!Metatron aka Marv.  
> -Pregnancy  
> -Miscarriage (NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic mentions)  
> -Nausea/Mentions of Vomiting (NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic)  
> -Vaginal Sex - Josie/Philip  
> -Discussions about Abortion as an option (NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic mentions).  
> -Mentions about birth control options.  
> -Discussions about what can cause a miscarriage (NON-Explicit/NON-Graphic mentions)  
> Additional:  
> In my headcanon, Philip is not a bad guy. In fact, he tries really hard to be supportive of Josie despite the fact that they both want different things. They did genuinely love each other, but things just didn't work out between them.  
> If I left anything out that you feel should be tagged, let me know, and I will do so.  
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments.
> 
> The next chapter is in the works, and I hope I can post it in the next few days.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Dean visits Sam, Cas can't sleep, and Josie makes some plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hello, Darkness, my old friend."  
> Joyous first day of SPN Season 11!  
> In honor of the end of this year's hellatus, I am posting another chapter!   
> *Throws Confetti*  
> So, this chapter has multiple POVs, and stuff happens!   
> Special thanks to my TWO betas this week the AstridBeau & KayCorson!  
> The next chapter is nearly completed, but not reading for posting just yet. I MIGHT post it this weekend. We shall see.  
> As always, thanks for reading, commenting, and kudosing (is that even a word? :-/)  
> References and Tags at the end.  
> Enjoy!

Dean sat on his brother’s couch as his niece bounced from one cushion to another in her blue homemade fairy costume.  
With his broad back turned toward Dean, Sam’s hair looked even longer than the last time his elder brother had seen him. Dean also cringed to see that the man had grown mutton chops, which he hoped would die out with bicentennial commemorative coins and bell bottoms.  
_Ought to cut it while he’s sleeping_ , Dean nodded to himself.  
Sam plugged one ear with his finger to block out the sound of his three year old rattling on to her bleary-eyed uncle about being the Queen of the Fairies.  
“Yes, he’s here,” the chocolate haired man spoke into the beige receiver of the phone in the hall near the living room, “Do you want to talk to him?”  
Sam turned to his brother and was ready to hand him the phone.  
Dean shook his head anxiously, and Sam threw him a grimace- _a bitch face_ -is what Dean affectionately called it.  
“Okay, yeah. I’ll keep an eye on ‘im. Yup. Yeah, I know. Me too. Take care,” Sam nodded.  
He unwound the tangled spiral cord attached to the receiver before hanging it up.  
“Daddy! Make me fly!” Little Mary demanded as she stood on the couch’s armrest and bounded toward her father who caught her just before she jumped off.  
“Oof,” Sam let out a heavy breath as his kid kneed him in the stomach.  
Her untamable curly, light-brown hair flailed in every direction as he let the little fairy crawl up toward his shoulders and swing from his arm.  
It was amazing to Dean how easy and comfortable his baby brother looked as the monkey of a child used the moose of a man like a jungle gym.  
“That was Cas,” Sam said, and Dean wasn’t the least bit surprised.  
Dean leant forward with his forearms on his knees and his head hanging over his clasped hands. The road weary man was ready to brush off the fact that his husband had just called his brother to keep tabs on him after that _ugly_ fight they had, but he knew Sam wasn’t about to let it go. They were gonna _talk_.  
_Fuck me._  
“What’s goin’ on, Dean?” Sam asked, setting Mary down on the carpet.  
She immediately ran toward Dean and used his shoulders to leverage herself to bounce up and down on the cushion directly behind her uncle.  
“Nothin’, Sammy. Everything’s fine,” Dean scoffed and turned around to grab Mary.  
He loved playing with his niece and didn’t get to see her nearly as often as he would have liked. The little girl was squirming and giggling as Dean tickled her.  
Sam sat across from Dean and exhaled a sigh as he ran a hand through his Roberto VO5 commercial quality mane.  
“Don’t BS me, Dean. Why didn’t Cas know you were coming early? Heck, why didn’t you call to let _me_ know you were coming early?” Sam asked, leaning forward.  
“BS BS BS. No BS, Dee,” Mary repeated playfully.  
“Uh. Baby, don’t say that. That’s a grown up term,” Sam told his daughter, “She’s at that age where she picks up on everything we say,” he explained to Dean who smiled at the little girl.  
“Sorry, Daddy,” she told Sam then turned to Dean to whisper, “No bees, Dee. No bees.”  
“No bees, sweetheart,” Dean shook his head and smiled at the big hazel eyes that looked up at him.  
“Love you, Unca Dee,” she said simply and placed a kiss on his cheek.  
“Love you too, sweetheart,” he gathered the hurricane of a child into his arms and kissed the top of her whirlwind hair.  
Dean loved his niece and marveled at the fact that she was a new addition to their little broken family, but _god_ if he didn’t want a kid of his own.  
“Talk to me,” Sam said plainly.  
“Talk, Dee. Talk,” Mary repeated.  
Dean’s smile fell, and he chose his words carefully.  
“We had a fight.”  
“What about?” Sam was going into lawyer mode.  
_Crap._  
“I, uh. I’ve been on the juice again,” he admitted with a solemn look.  
“Dean,” Sam hung his head and ran a hand through his hair, fighting the urge to cuss in front of his kid.  
“I like juice. Daddy, can I have juice?” Mary asked, bouncing over to her father.  
“Not right now, love. Maybe after dinner,” Sam said, cradling his daughter in one arm, “How bad?”  
“The last few weeks, off and on, but he didn’t let me explain. I stopped last night, but he was pissed- _mad_ -he was mad that I didn’t come home until this morning,” Dean replied.  
“Jeez, Dean,” Sam gritted his teeth, “Yeah, I know. He called me last night. We had just put Mary down for the night. It took forever to get her back to sleep again afterwards. He was frantic, Dean. You scared the cra-hell- _heck_ -you scared the _heck_ out of him.”  
Mary was mumbling to herself and watched her hands as she made odd shapes with her fingers.  
“Dee, where’s Unca Cas?” Mary said without looking up.  
Dean found it both heartwarming and heartbreaking that his niece associated his annual visit with both of her uncles.  
“He’s at work, sweetheart,” Dean replied.  
“At the hospital?” she asked.  
“Yes, sweetheart. Uncle Cas works at the hospital just like your mommy,” Dean replied.  
He prefered to speak to his little niece over talking about the crap he was stowing any day of the week.  
“Mommy helps people. Does Unca Cas help people?” she continued curiously.  
“Yes, love bug, he does. Helps lots of people,” he nodded with a smile.  
“I love Unca Cas, Dee. He shoulda come with you,” she said matter-of-factly.  
“I know, sweetheart. Next time. I promise,” he said and nodded to himself.  
“Dean, what’s going on?” his brother asked sternly.  
“Nothin’. Just fell off the wagon. It happens,” Dean shrugged.  
“Did you get an ouchie?” Mary asked Dean.  
“I did. Right here,” Dean put his hand over his heart.  
“Did Unca Cas fix it?” Mary asked with concern.  
“He tried, but it still hurts,” Dean pursed his lips.  
“I make it better,” Mary ran toward her uncle and placed a kiss over his heart, “There. Mommy and Daddy kiss my ouchies when I fall. You’ll be better now, Unca Dee.”  
“I feel better already, Miss Mary. Thank you,” Dean kissed her forehead in thanks.  
“Baby, why don’t you go play in your room for a bit,” Sam suggested.  
“Okay, Daddy,” Mary said before running off into her room at the far end of the hall.  
“ _Talk_ ,” Sam demanded once his daughter was outside of earshot.  
Dean hesitated and bounced his knee nervously.  
“Are the dreams back?” Sam asked carefully.  
“No. That hasn’t been a problem in a long time…”  
“Did you talk to dad again?” Sam asked with a huff.  
Dean scoffed and let out an unamused laugh as he shook his head.  
“Okay, then what triggered you?” Sam asked with an attentive look.  
“It’s hard to explain...to you,” Dean worried his lip.  
“ _Try_. Dean, whatever it is, I’m not gonna judge you. You’re my brother. I love you, and I want to help. Just tell me,” Sam searched Dean’s eyes.  
No matter how tall Sam got or how long his _goddamned_ hair grew, Dean could never not think of the Sasquatch of a man as his _baby_ brother. And that pleading puppy dog look just _fucked him up_. Suddenly, Sam wasn’t a thirty-something, successful lawyer with a mortgage, a wife, and a kid, he was that little runt of a kid who would hold his hand as they crossed the street or the one who would ask Dean to sing him a song so he could sleep.  
Dean swallowed hard and nodded, “Okay, but remember what you just said.”  
“I mean it, Dean. Nothing you could tell me would make me think any differently about you,” Sam reassured.  
“Okay,” Dean took a deep breath, “There was this...woman.”  
“Wait, did you cheat on Cas?” Sam asked, genuinely shocked.  
“No, man. I would never cheat on Cas,” Dean replied quickly.  
“Okay, sorry. You were saying…”  
“Yeah, so, uh, her name’s Josie. Well, uh, me and uh Cas, we met her over the summer. She was staying in the bungalow next to ours. You know the little bungalows that Cas’ family has next to the beach in the Palisades?” Dean said slowly, hardly meeting his brother’s eyes.  
“Yeah, I know,” Sam nodded for Dean to continue.  
“Well, long story short, we um, we fell in love with her,” Dean cleared his throat.  
“What?” Sam raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, we had a fling with her over the summer,” Dean admitted.  
“Holy shit, Dean,” Sam ran a hand over his face.  
“You said you we’re going to judge!”  
“I’m not judging. I’m just- _shit_ , dude, didn’t know you and Cas were so _adventurous_ ,” Sam laughed to himself.  
“Yeah, yuck it up, Samsquatch,” Dean scowled.  
“I’m sorry. Sorry,” Sam took a deep breath and cleared his throat to stop his laughter, “So, okay, you guys met a girl, you had fun, so what’s the problem?”  
“Didn’t you hear me? We _fell in love_ with her, and she left,” Dean nearly whispered.  
“Oh,” Sam paused to take that in, “Fuck. Wait, what do you mean she left? What happened?”  
“She went home,” Dean shrugged.  
“Oh, she’s not from L.A.?”  
“No. She lives in Chicago. She was just here for the summer,” Dean’s heart clenched.  
”Have you tried contacting her?” Sam asked.  
“No. Why would I? _She’s_ the one who left,” Dean replied petulantly.  
“Well, did either of you guys, I don’t know, actually _ask_ her to stay?” Sam raised an eyebrow.  
“That’s not the point, Sam. We-,” Dean stopped himself, remembering Cas’ accusation from earlier that morning.  
_It_ is _our fault. We should have talked to her. Why didn’t we talk to her?_  
“Think about it. She probably doesn’t know anyone in L.A. besides you and Cas. She’s got no job, no home...and who knows what else she’s got going on in Chi Town.”  
Dean squared his jaw.  
“You know I’m right,” Sam said without gloating, “Or _did_ you guys talk to her about staying?”  
“No. No, we didn’t...which is why I’ve been feeling like shit and _drinkin’ my feelings_ ,” Dean said, quoting Miss Missouri’s words.  
“Well, I’m sorry that you’re hurting, but I mean, this is kind of a self-made issue,” Sam exhaled, “But I get why you’d be feeling the way you are. How’s Cas taking it?” Sam wondered.  
“As expected. I hit the bottle, he drowns himself in work,” Dean laughed humorlessly, “We’re quite the pair aren’t we?”  
Sam took in a deep breath, “Look, Dean. I don’t really know what the best answer is here, but it sounds like you and Cas are doing the same shit you both do when you have issues. You _avoid_. So my suggestion would be to stick around here for a bit and dry out, then call Missouri. But when you head back home, talk to Cas, and if you’re up for it, call up the girl. Just find out if she’s still interested or just call to say hi, but obviously her being gone is affecting you and Cas. You guys need to do something about it. Do something for your sake and his.”  
The mechanic and his doctor were on shaky ground, and Dean knew his brother was right.  
“When did you get so smart, huh?” Dean grinned warmly at his brother.  
“Always been this smart. You should know, you raised me,” Sam smiled at his big brother.  
Suddenly, Dean remembered why he always missed his brother so much. He was always there to give him a firm kick in the ass when he needed it, and an accepting hug when Dean tried to avoid.  
“Daddy!” Mary yelled from her room.  
“I’m not gonna yell across the house, Mary!” Sam shouted.  
The little girl ran into the living room.  
“But you _were_ yelling, Daddy,” she said shifting her weight from one foot to the other.  
“She’s got ya there, Sammy,” Dean laughed.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “What did you need, baby?”  
“Juice!” Mary jumped with the exclamation.  
“Not until after dinner,” Sam crossed his arms over his chest authoritatively.  
“Okay, then...I want dinner!” Mary sing-songed, tugging on her father’s arms until she was hanging from one of his forearms.  
“Alright, monkey,” Sam agreed, picking up Mary and putting her over his shoulders.  
“She reminds me of you when you were a kid,” Dean smiled at his brother.  
“Then you have all my sympathy,” Sam began walking toward the kitchen, “Stick around for dinner at least. Jess should be off her shift in a bit.”  
Jess was a registered nurse at the local hospital. When she and Cas would get together, they’d tune everyone out and go into “medical speak” conversations for hours at a time. They bonded over ER horror stories, or they’d discuss new revolutionary medical procedures that they were both itching to try.  
“Sure. Is it okay if I stay as long as usual?” Dean asked tentatively.  
“Yeah, that’s fine, man. Just no drinking, and if you could help out with Mary a little, that would be great too,” Sam said.  
“Of course,” Dean nodded and headed into the kitchen to help make dinner, “Hey, Mary, want me to teach you how to make mac ‘n cheese?”  
The little girl grinned at Dean with a wide gummy smile and nodded emphatically.  
Dean ruffled her hair and proceeded to shuffle around his brother’s kitchen to occupy his hands, and by proxy, his mind on something other than Cas, or Josie, or how much he wanted to numb himself.  
**************************************************************************************************  
Cas was still livid when he had arrived at the Downtown L.A. V.A. for his long 12 hour shift. Six hours in, he already had to take two breaks to take a pair of timed micro naps on the springy couch in his office.  
The doctor had worked longer shifts on less sleep before, but never after having been so distraught. He felt utterly depleted, and Cas felt guilty that he wouldn’t be giving his patients the quality of attention that they deserved from him.  
His mind kept going back to Dean. It was clear his partner had relapsed, and thinking about starting the recovery process all over again exhausted him even more. The doctor had been genuinely worried, and his mind traveled to the murky places he wished to avoid as much as possible. In the eight years they had been together, Dean had never _not_ come home, even when he was out on a bender. So, of course, Cas would tumble down the mental slippery slope that his troubled husband had been in an accident and died. The doctor shuddered at the thought and tried to push it out of his consciousness. Despite the current issues he and Dean had been encountering recently, Castiel could not truly picture his life without his partner.  
_It would be like living without a limb_ , he thought as he drifted off into his second short nap.  
Perhaps it was the lack of sleep and too much worry, but when Cas awoke, he was disoriented. For a split second, he could have sworn he was in his own bed at home with Dean and Josie beside him. He could almost smell the scent of coconut mixed with Old Spice and motor oil.  
His heart lurched as he cleared the sleep from his eyes and forced himself to stand up, though he really needed to sleep a lot longer.  
For a moment, Castiel wondered if anything would change if he just contacted Josie. Perhaps it was the not knowing that was disrupting him and Dean so much. If he called her, and she had no plans of coming back or didn’t want to speak to them ever again, it would be settled. Nothing would be up in the air any more. They’re wouldn’t be a “what if”.  
Steeling himself, Cas unlocked the bottom drawer of his desk and retrieved the now familiar letter that was hidden there. He opened the envelope for the millionth time. The creases in the paper were well worn after having been reread so many times, but he was determined to call her and _get it over with_.  
He knew it wasn’t Josie’s responsibility to fix what was wrong with him and Dean. In fact, if she did want to re-establish a friendship with them at least, Cas hoped that he and Dean would be on firmer ground for themselves and for _her_.  
_Here goes nothing._  
Cas picked up the multi line phone on his desk and dialed the number at the bottom of the lined paper quickly to keep himself from stopping.  
_Ring. Ring._  
Castiel could feel himself perspiring nervously and was thankful that Josie wouldn’t be able to see or smell him over the phone.  
Ring. Ring.  
“Doctor Novak to ICU. Doctor Novak to ICU,” a voice paged him over the speaker in the hallway.  
“Shit,” Cas said and slammed down the phone right before rushing out the door.  
He practically sprinted down the hallways and took the stairs to the intensive care unit on the second floor to try and wake up. When he approached the nurses station, a bright eyed Nurse Masters smirked at him devilishly.  
“How’s it hangin’, Clarence?” she asked, tying her wavy brown hair into a tight ponytail.  
“Is everything alright? Which room?” the doctor asked, trying to figure out which patient needed him.  
“You look like shit, Novak,” she shook her head at him.  
Nurse Masters was the registered nurse overseeing the intensive care unit. She and Dr. Novak had known each other for many years. They’d bonded when he first started out as an intern, and she was a nursing student.  
“Meg, which room?” he asked impatiently.  
“Your bedroom,” she winked at him.  
“Meg,” he said sternly.  
_I don’t have time for this shit._  
“I mean it. You’re scaring the interns. Go home,” she told him dryly.  
“I still have,” Cas looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was only 7pm, “I still have six hours left on this shift.”  
“No, you don’t. I was able to get a couple of the doctors to look over your patients for the day. You seriously look like you’re about to fall asleep where you stand,” she shook her head.  
“Meg, I’m fine, really,” he exhaled.  
The pint sized woman laughed, “That’s hilarious, Doc. Tell me another.”  
Cas scowled at her.  
“Go home. This place isn’t gonna fall down if you aren’t here for a day,” she reassured.  
Castiel huffed out a frustrated breath and began to walk away.  
“You’re welcome!” Nurse Masters called out behind him sarcastically.  
The doctor made it home, but he vaguely remembered the drive. He did notice that the Impala wasn’t in the driveway, and he hoped that Dean was at the Singers’ and not at a bar or a liquor store.  
“Dean!” he called out as he walked into the house, and immediately remembered the man wasn’t home.  
_Sleep deprivation is a helluva drug._  
Castiel was having illicit fantasies about the naughty things he was going to do to his pillow and bed sheets when he got into their bedroom. When he fell face first onto the mattress, still fully dressed and smelling of antiseptic solution and sanitary gauze, Castiel couldn’t actually sleep.  
Like the night before, his mind was conjuring up nightmares about what may have happened to his beloved husband.  
_Dammit, Dean._  
The tired man pushed himself up and trudged over to the phone in the living room. He sat in one of the easy chairs and called Bobby, but he and Ellen confirmed they hadn’t seen or heard from Dean all day. They even offered to help go out and look for him this time, but Cas declined, and let them know he’d keep them posted.  
He was exhausted thinking that he would have to reprise the entirety of the the horror that was the previous night of calling morgues and hospitals.  
Thankfully, when he called Sam, his brother-in-law confirmed that Dean had indeed driven up to Palo Alto.  
_He probably broke a couple of speed laws to get up there so quickly._  
Relieved, Cas didn’t quite feel ready to speak to Dean, but he was glad that Sam was able to reassure him that he’d keep an eye on him. Visits with his brother always did Dean good.  
Floating off into a dream, Cas felt a little guilty about having been so harsh with Dean. All he wanted to do was hold him and love him, but he knew that Dean needed to understand how much it hurt Cas to see his husband like that. The last thought he had before he was completely unconscious, was that he needed to try and call Josie again.  
_Tomorrow_ , he thought and involuntarily fell asleep in the cushioned chair.  
************************************************************************************************  
Josie wasn’t sure if her morning sickness was finally subsiding or if the meds Dr. Pam gave her were what was helping minimize the nausea.  
_Maybe it’s both._  
Subconsciously, she couldn’t help but compare this pregnancy to her first. With the morning sickness so aggressive early on, exhaustion, and her new-found voracious hunger and very _specific_ cravings, Josie knew that this kid was going to be a force to be reckoned with.  
The anti-nausea meds made Josie sleepy at her desk throughout the day, but she preferred that to being locked in the employee bathroom all day. On the other side of that coin, she was putting away huge meals during her lunch break and snacked throughout the day.  
Mr. Adler would make fun of her for chewing on her homemade pb &j sandwiches at her desk, and Naomi would remind her "not to make a habit” of leaving crumbs on the reports and purchase orders Josie worked on.  
The young woman could not believe how much weight she had already gained, and most of it accumulated in her stomach, making her look as cartoonish as if she had swallowed a small volleyball. Fortunately, the weather was cooling down, so Josie could hide her growing belly with loose sweaters and cardigans.  
With her new addition on the way, Josie had decided to move into a smaller apartment. She had already been struggling to cover the rent on the place she lived in, and with the added expense of a new baby, and not being able to work for a while when said baby was set to arrive, money was going to be more than tight. She had yet to find a place to move into, but she had begun boxing up her household items, and kept a lookout for a reasonably priced place not too far from the city.  
Though all the tests Dr. Pam had run told her that the she was healthy and everything was moving along as it should, Josie was still nervous. She kept herself from doing little things like crocheting or buying baby clothes.  
_At least until after the fourth month_ , she reassured herself.  
Every day, she would talk herself into dialing the operator and calling Castiel and Dean.  
_They need to know_ , she argued with herself.  
Josie got far enough to where she had acquired their number, but when the operator asked if she’d like to be connected, Josie hesitated and said she’d call them later.  
Though she’d feel lonely when she went to bed at night, Josie felt as if the presence of her lovers was with her when she’d find herself sitting at a booth of a local diner. She would proceed to consume an entire double cheeseburger with pickles and onions- _but I hate onions_ -french fries, and pie a la mode. The redhead knew it was the baby craving all the food, and she was happy to appease the hunger.  
_If they could see me now, they’d be laughing at what a little piggy this kid is turning me into_ , Josie smiled and felt a fluttering like butterflies in her stomach, _I guess she likes it when I think about her daddies...I really need to call them._  
By late-October, Josie wasn’t as worried about losing the baby as she had been when she first found out that she was expecting, and she also found a friend in Dr. Pam.  
“Hey, gorgeous! What’s the haps, kid?” Pam greeted her warmly.  
“Hi, Pam. I’m out of the anti-nausea meds,” she told the brunette.  
“You still having morning sickness?” she asked with a concern.  
“Not so much anymore, but I want to keep it on hand just in case,” Josie told her.  
“Yeah, sure, sweetheart. How’s everything else?”  
“Good actually. Not as paranoid as I was when you met me,” Josie smiled.  
“That’s great. Have you told the daddy yet? Or is he not around?” Pam pried.  
“I haven’t told him, but I’ve been meaning to. He lives in California,” Josie replied. 

 _They both the daddies do._  
“Well, if you do want him involved-not that you need a man-you should probably tell him before this little gal pops out,” Pam winked at her.  
Josie just nodded.  
In addition to the 45 hours a week she worked at Adler Steel, Josie was taking on more proofreading and editing work. She had also signed up with a couple of temp agencies to try and transition out of the toxic environment at her current job. She knew that the moment they found out she was expecting, that would be it for her, and she wanted to be as ready as possible.  
Time was running out on multiple fronts for Josie, but regardless of the stress it caused her, she was feeling optimistic. She just wished things would fall into place in the way she’d planned sooner than later.  
************************************************************************************************  
Dean had a good stay with his brother and his family. He enjoyed spending time with his niece who was growing up way too fast. It was also entertaining to see his beautiful sister-in-law give his baby bro a hard time.  
It felt horrible to have to start the sobriety clock back to zero, but Dean knew it was better than the alternative of drinking himself into numbness. The day after arriving at Sam and Jess’, Dean called Miss Missouri and spoke to her about what had been going on with him. He even told her about Josie.  
Essentially, she told him the same thing that his brother had, “Stop running. Go back home. Talk to that husband of yours, and decide what you both want to do. Whether or not both of you choose to welcome this woman back into your life or whether or not _she_ wants to come back into your lives, _you_ need to decide that this isn’t a way for you to live.”  
“It isn’t,” Dean had admitted.  
“That’s great, Dean,” she praised, “It’s great that you decided to stop on your own, but you need to replace this method of coping with something healthier. I also think that if you contact her and get a clear idea of where that scenario is headed, it will be a huge help, and it will remove that situation as a trigger for you.”  
“You’re right,” he nodded.  
He loved speaking to Missouri. The older woman was a true sage and had a way of making everything sound so much simpler, clearer, than he made it out to be.  
“Of course, I’m right,” she replied playfully, “Now, when you head back home, give me a call, and we’ll schedule to have a proper session. I think it’s time we talked about how to deal with identifying triggers that don’t involve your previous traumas and how to handle them in a healthy way.”  
“Yes, ma’am,” he nodded as if she could see him through the phone.  
“And Dean, I’m glad you reached out for help. I’m proud of you,” she said warmly.  
“Thank you, Miss Missouri,” Dean replied with a slight catch in his throat.  
Dean felt invigorated, like he could take on the world, and was more than ready to set things right. Still, he didn’t want to get into a heavy discussion with his husband over the phone; he wanted to wait until they were in the same room together and could have _awesome make-up sex_ afterwards. If they got on the phone, they’d slide into a conversation about everything they hadn’t hash out yet, and he really didn’t want to make things worse.  
Dean couldn’t wait to kiss Castiel’s eternally chapped lips and run his hands through his husband’s perpetually disheveled hair.  
Sam was kind enough to give Cas a call on his behalf to let him know that Dean was heading back home. Dean was dying to hear his husband’s voice and be close to him. In less than a day, Dean would be back home, and he and Cas would talk, and everything would be back to how it was before Josie...except for the fact that they couldn’t just go back to _before_ Josie.  
He hugged his brother goodbye, and gave Jess and a Mary a kiss on the cheek each. It hurt to leave, and before Dean could go into the well-worn tirade about why his brother and his family should move down to L.A. or Sam could retort that he and Cas should move up North, Dean hopped into the Impala and waved at the lovely little family on the curb.  
As Dean headed toward the main highway, he thumbed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited at a stop light and stared at the green signs in front of him.  
“South” meant he would see Cas that night, and they’d be able to talk about everything, and get back to normal.  
_What the fuck is normal any way?_  
“North” could tie him into a highway that went East...East meant the Midwest...the Midwest meant Chicago, and Chicago meant Josie. It would take a few days to get there, but if he was able to track her down, they could talk, and the source of his trigger and the issues he and Cas were having would be confronted.  
_Just gotta confront my issues._  
Thinking it over a moment longer, when the light turned green, Dean turned left to head North. He was going to fix _all of it_ once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Bicentennial Coins - Refer to collectible coins that celebrated the USA's 200th b-day in 1975.  
> -Mutton Chops - Are those things that Sam was growing where his sideburns were trying to take over his cheeks and were fairly popular in the 1970s.  
> -Bell Bottoms - These were pants that were fitted except for the very bottom opening where they flared into what looked like a "bell".  
> -FYI - Most of the hospital stuff is completely based on ish I've seen from medical shows and convenience.  
> -Spiral Cords - A long time ago, telephones were attached to cords that would tangle and annoy.   
> -Also, I am not a medical nor psychological professional. Missouri's advice is ish I am mostly making up.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -References to previous alcohol usage and alcohol as a coping mechanism.  
> -Fluff  
> -Angst
> 
> Any others that you feel should be tagged, let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Cas and Dean get their heads out of their asses, and Josie goes walkabout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, My Lovelies!   
> I hope all of you are having a great weekend!   
> And I know, TWICE in one week (don't get used to it).  
> Just a heads up, another chapter or two, and Autumn Breeze will be closing, but don't be sad! It will pave the way for the next part of the story, Winter Breeze!  
> Stay tuned.   
> Thank you to my wonderful betas AstridBeau and Kay Corson for their help on this one!  
> Also, extra special thanks to sirensofsaturn for the awesome playlist she created for Summer Breeze:  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1lwCuqamQSE9iZ1WnsmRxw/playlists?view_as=subscriber 
> 
> It's a great list, and I totally endorse it. Most of the songs are ones that I mentioned in Summer Breeze.   
> As usual, tags are at the end.  
> Thanks for reading!

Dean had left Sam and Jess’ fairly early that morning. The sun wasn’t quite up when he had made the knee jerk decision to drive to Chicago, but something about the way the darkness was lifting away from the sky made Dean renewed. He was looking November 2nd in the rearview, and for once, it didn’t hurt as bad as it had in years past. Perhaps it was because of the odd sense of a new kind of _hope_ he was feeling for the first time.  
It was the middle of Autumn, and even under pain of death, he would never admit that he actually had to turn the heater on when he drove through Northern Nevada and into Utah. Even in Palo Alto, the chilly air had begun to bleed through his thinning skin.  
_Thanks, SoCal_ , he pondered that all the years of living in sunny Southern California had significantly weakened his tolerance for icier climates.  
His leather jacket wasn’t warm enough to handle the biting cold, but he didn’t really have time to stop and pick up a decent coat anywhere. Had Cas been riding with him, he would have forced Dean’s stubborn ass to stop at the nearest thrift shop and acquire one before continuing on into colder states.  
When he stopped in Salt Lake City, it occurred to Dean that he should call someone to let them know he wasn’t going straight home. The last thing he needed was his family getting in an uproar because he was M.I.A. _again_. Dean still didn’t want to call Cas directly, so he called his brother instead.  
“Miss me already?” Sam laughed on the other line.  
“I always miss you, Bitch,” Dean smiled to himself as he spoke into the black payphone.  
“Jerk,” his brother replied, “Did you get home okay? Did you talk to Cas already?”  
“That’s the thing, Sammy. I, uh...I didn’t head straight home,” Dean said, toying with the coin return slot.  
“Dean,” his brother scolded with a sigh.  
“I’ve gotta take care of something first,” Dean said, looking at the low hanging sun over the peaks of a distant mountain.  
“Please, tell me you’re not going on another bender,” his brother huffed.  
“No, Sammy. I’m dried out. Thanks to you and Jess and Mary...but if Cas calls, just let him know I’m gonna be a few days,” Dean replied cryptically.  
“Dean, c’mon, man. What’s going on?”  
“I can’t say just yet, but everything is alright. I’ll call you in a couple of days. Just please, let Cas know. I’m gonna go back home, but I just need to do this one thing first, and I don’t want him to worry,” with his thumb, Dean twisted the silver band on his left hand so that it twirled on his finger and thought of his husband. He reminded himself of the oaths they had taken and their promises to love and commit to each other whole heartedly.  
_I’m doing this for you, Cas...for us_ , Dean thought.  
“Just call him yourself, Dean,” Sam replied.  
“No can do, Sammy. I gotta go. Please, just do this for me...Bye, Sam,” Dean hung up before his brother could get another word in.  
After a brief stop and a hearty meal at a Biggerson’s Restaurant , Dean sped out of Utah and proceeded to drive through Wyoming and Nebraska. As the cloudless day bled into darkness again, he was reminded of how bright the stars were when they were unobstructed by the light pollution of a metropolitan city. The twinkling overhead reminded Dean of lying out in the backyard with Sammy on muggy summer nights and trying to play connect the dots with all the visible constellations. They’d compete to see who could come up with the most unique and outlandish shapes.  
“That one looks like a unicorn riding a tractor,” Little Sammy pointed up, but Little Dean just couldn’t see it.  
“Well, that one over there looks like a three-legged monster with five heads and gummy worms for teeth,” the older brother said smugly.  
Remembering little moments like that with his brother warmed Dean’s heart, and it made him appreciate rather than fear the long hours he was enduring alone on the long road to Josie. The radio was a welcome companion. But when he was driving through empty stretches of road in rural parts of states, the signal would cut in and out or just crackle over the music. During those parts of the journey, Dean would turn the radio off and just hum or sing to himself to keep his mind from wandering to unhappy or disdainful places.  
He was anxious and eager to get into Illinois, but after driving for nearly 24 hours with only a small handful of pit stops along the way, he knew he needed _some_ sleep. Dean wanted to be somewhat lucid when he got to Chicago. Once there, it wouldn’t be too hard to find Josie’s address in the white pages.  
When he parked the Impala in a run down motel in Lincoln, Nebraska, Dean briefly considered taking a short detour down the I-29 into Lawrence.  
_Hell no_ , he told himself.  
There was no way he was in any state to deal with his father. Josie had left, but he didn’t hold the same malice for her that he associated with his father. With her, he felt hurt and abandoned, and he needed answers. With his father, he had deep-seated resentment and a desire to be accepted.  
At least if _Josie_ rejected him, he was ready to head back home alone to Cas and lick his wounds. If he saw his dad, and John decided that he wanted to perform an encore of the bullshit he’d pulled last time Dean saw him, he wasn’t sure he could handle _that_ rejection all over again.  
In the interim, Dean slept with his clothes on over the motel sheets. He didn’t want to waste time to get ready in the morning other than to wash his face and brush his teeth. As he fluffed up the pillows beneath his head, Dean imagined that his bed wasn’t empty and that his lovers weren’t as far as they really were.  
**************************************************************************************************  
The baby in Josie’s belly was not happy with her.  
Since the wee hours of the morning, Josie had tossed and turned as her stomach lurched. She had debated about taking her anti-nausea meds because she needed to be as lucid as possible for the monthly sales meeting that would be taking place at work that morning. She would typically run back and forth making sure that everyone had donuts, coffee, and cigarettes.  
_Gotta make sure the ashtrays in the conference room are clean_ , she reminded herself, _Fuck_ , she thought as a new swell of queasiness hit her.  
The clock on her dresser read “4am”.  
_I should be okay if I take half of one._  
She had broken out in a cold sweat and caught a chill when she threw her blankets off to head to the kitchen. Josie split the tiny pill as close to half as possible and swallowed it down with a full glass of water. She found relief almost a half hour later and passed out for another few short hours.  
After accidentally sleeping through her first alarm, Josie woke up with a jolt 20 minutes later than she had intended to. She skipped her shower and rushed to get dressed in the loosest clothes she owned. The bulbous figure in the full length mirror staring back at her was nearly unrecognizable. At first, it frightened her to look so _different_ , but then she felt giddy when she thought about what had taken place in the sand over the summer to fill her belly in such a way. She rubbed her growing bump and talked to her child.  
“Are you gonna be good for me today, sweetheart? Just a little bit longer and we can leave that hell hole behind, okay?” Josie cooed and felt the baby _move_  for the first time.  
She yelped with excitement at the novelty and truly felt like she wasn’t alone any more.  
“Alright. Atta, girl. Be good for mommy, please,” she pleaded with her child.  
Josie practically sprinted, as much as someone with a nomadic center of gravity could, to try and get through the door on time, and she was _still_ five minutes late. The flustered woman would have been on time if she hadn’t had to stop by the donut shop to pick up that pink box that all the sales reps showed up for. She knew she would not hear the end of it from Naomi on top of all the other little criticisms she’d already been receiving about how her work performance had become “spotty” over the past few weeks.  
Josie knew that the work she was submitting was sub-par, but with so many other things on her mind, she didn’t even will herself to care. She was nearly falling asleep at her desk most days, and her ability to give a damn about reports and stacks of paperwork was dwindling quickly. Josie was distracted thinking of ways she was going to tell Cas and Dean that she was having their baby.  
_Need to call them_ , she nagged at herself.  
She knew that it was her insecurity keeping her from reaching out to them. Josie was afraid that she would tell them, and they’d either think that she had gotten pregnant on purpose or was somehow trying to sabotage their relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Because she was afraid the news would also cause a rift between her two former lovers, she didn’t want to call them.  
Regardless of what their reaction might be, Josie needed to tell them. They had a right to know that they had fathered a child.  
_If I were a man, I’d want to know if there was a woman out there carrying my kid._  
She had to tell them.  
_The sooner, the better._  
The longer that Josie waited, the more opportunity for resentment and questions about paternity to spring up would occur.  
_What if they don’t believe it’s theirs?_ Josie worried.  
Instead of thinking of the baby as either Castiel’s or Dean’s, Josie thought of the child as _their_ child, which was a bit odd, but it felt _right_ to her.  
She was nearly running out of time. Josie was four months pregnant and starting to show. Soon, the clothes she owned wouldn’t be loose enough to cover it up, and because she wasn’t gaining weight evenly, it was becoming very obvious that she was pregnant.  
That morning, her makeup was a bit slap dashed, and her hair had several flyaways on her loose and messy red bun. Josie was also sure that her clothes were wrinkled and rumpled from the train ride and subsequent power walk she’d endured just to arrive at the office late again.  
“It appears that this is becoming a habit, Ms. Sands,” Naomi crossed her arms sternly as she approached Josie.  
Josie was shuffling to get her purse into the drawer in her desk and rushed to get her coat off and straighten herself out. She loathed hearing her name come out of Naomi’s mouth in that contemptuous tone, and really wished she could reach out and scratch the other woman’s condescending eyes out.  
“Sorry. The train was late,” Josie lied as she tried to catch her breath.  
_“Limited lung capacity is an additional symptom of carrying around a new life inside you,”_ Josie recalled Pam’s warning in that rare “doctor” tone the boisterous woman rarely used.  
Naomi rolled her eyes, “No time to get settled. Mr. Adler is in the conference room already, and the regional sales reps are waiting for their coffee, which _I_ took the liberty of preparing, since I was unsure of whether or not you would grace us with your presence today.”  
_Eat shit and die, bitch._  
Josie pursed her lips, “I’ll get right to it. Thank you.”  
The woman’s feet were already hurting from practically jogging in her medium-heeled Mary Jane’s, and she was not looking forward to hovering and _standing_ in the conference room for the next two hours because the “seats are for the sales reps”.  
_It’s not like I take sales calls or anything_ , Josie thought sarcastically.  
When the reps inside the office were busy- _or too caught up discussing sports and other non-work related subjects_ -Josie would give customers quotes and actually _sell_ steel. If she was officially a rep and actually earned commission on those sales, she wouldn’t have to move out of her apartment. In fact, she would be able to purchase a house of her own. But what did she know about customer service and sales? She was just a “gal Friday” who had stuck around five years too long.  
At the small coffee service station inside the smoky conference room, Josie poured the cups for the black coffees first and distributed them to the appropriate sales reps. None of them thanked her or even acknowledged her as she placed the mugs in front of them other than her friend Henry.  
Her boss, a pudgy, balding man, rolled his eyes at her with a look of fed up accusation as he prepped the spindle on the slide machine. A hush fell over all the chatty reps as Mr. Adler began to speak and was about to turn off the lights for the slideshow presentation that had the latest sales stats and charts.  
Josie rushed as quickly as she could to finish prepping the mugs that took _cream, cream and two sugars, sugar only, or saccharine_ before the complaints could begin. After so many years of attending those boring and really uninformative sales meetings, Josie knew exactly how everyone took their coffee. _Heaven forbid_ , she made a single cup incorrectly otherwise the passive aggressive jokes about her incompetence would begin circling among the reps and would not cease for the following several days.  
By the time the lights were out and the mugs were distributed, Josie stood in the back of the room in her painful heels leaning against the counter. Aside from her blooming belly, her feet had also begun to swell, making her shoes cut into her aching feet.  
_I get where the term “barefoot and pregnant” comes from now._  
In a way, she was grateful for the shoes digging into her feet because they were the only thing keeping her awake. Peeking into the pink donut box, she saw that there was one powdered donut left in the box. When she had set it down on the small counter, the reps had descended upon it like vultures. Normally, donuts were “only for sales reps”, _but the baby wants what the baby wants_.  
Having to run out of her apartment so quickly, Josie skipped breakfast, and she was beyond starving, but also queasy. She figured it wouldn’t hurt to take the last donut this one time and take another half a pill to settle her stomach.  
She resisted for nearly two hours before, covertly, Josie wrapped the last donut in a napkin and held it behind her back and broke off small pieces to eat while the meeting took place. The powder made it taste entirely too sweet, and she suddenly remembered why she never ate that donut variety.  
_Crap. The baby wants real food._  
Josie’s stomach turned, and she knew she needed to take a pill asap.  
When Mr. Adler was looking away, facing the projection screen and clicking the button that louldy shifted the next slide on the spindle at the back of the room, Josie snuck out of the conference room and rushed to her desk. She still had a bit of donut left and set it down on her desk.  
Josie grabbed the little life saving bottle with tiny white pills from her purse. She tried to do so quickly and quietly, but she wasn’t quick enough.  
“Josephine, what are you doing?” Naomi asked with an accusation waiting at the tip of her tongue, “Is the meeting over?”  
“Not quite. I just forgot to take my vitamin,” Josie said.  
In her rush to put the pill bottle away, she dropped it in front of her desk sending the little pills flying all over the floor and the orange container rolling on the industrial carpet.  
Naomi bent down to pick up the small canister to hand it to Josie as the younger woman struggled to gather the little white pills from the brown carpet.  
“‘Chicago Hope Women’s Clinic. Take as needed for nausea or vomiting,’” Naomi narrated to Josie, “Ms. Sands, are you ill?”  
“I just haven’t been feeling well,” Josie said slowly.  
“Should I call your emergency contact?” Naomi raised an eyebrow, “Philip, is it?”  
Josie could tell that the other woman was aching as she held back a grin.  
“That won’t be necessary. I’m fine. Really,” Josie shoved the little pills into the bottle and was about to put them in her purse.  
“I’ll have him come pick you up. You look _peakish_ ,” Naomi went off toward her office.  
The prudish red head’s office was across from where Josie’s desk lay, and she kept the blinds that lined her glass wall open to keep an eye on everyone in the sales office. With unrushed, but effective steps, the older woman rounded her desk to sit with perfect posture in her swivel chair.  
Through the woman’s glass wall, Josie could see her picking up the phone and pluck a manila folder from her drawers which Josie surmised was the personnel file drawer.  
_Fuck._  
Josie straightened out her skirt and sweater top. She was heading toward the conference room when Naomi hung up the phone.  
“Ms. Sands,” she called sternly, walking out from her office’s doorway.  
“Yes, Ms. Adler? I was heading back into the meeting. I’m sure they need me,” Josie said nervously.  
“I just got off the phone with Philip. He was concerned about you, and he said he hasn’t spoken to you in over a year….,” the cold woman crossed her arms over her chest.  
“Oh,” Josie uttered ineloquently.  
“Oh? You have been lying to this company since before you left for-whatever that _‘vacation’_ was, you’ve been sleeping and eating at your desk, and your appearance has been suffering just as much as the quality of your work. Is there something you want to tell me, Ms. Sands?” Naomi interrogated.  
“Such as?” Josie braced herself for what was about to come.  
“Such as, why do you have a prescription from what is clearly a ‘women’s clinic’ for nausea when you are obviously not married? I can also tell that you’ve been gaining weight in one _specific_ area…,” Naomi drew closer to Josie.  
“Just say what you’re getting at, Naomi,” Josie pursed her lips.  
“You know that you cannot work here if you are in a _family way_ , especially out of wedlock. Adler Steel frowns upon scandal, and you, my dear, are wrapped up in nothing but trouble,” Naomi huffed with a smirk.  
Josie held her breath and braced herself for what she knew was coming.  
“Ms. Sands, clear out your desk. You’re fired,” the older woman appeared to relish in the curt tone of her own words.  
A bit shaky, but without a word, Josie quickly pulled out the few items she had inside and on top of her desk. All her trinkets and personal affects barely filled half a bankers box. Naomi had always complained that having too many things on her desk was a distraction, so Josie kept it fairly sparse.  
Naomi stood by Josie’s desk with arms crossed the whole time and waited until Josie had gathered everything as she escorted the younger woman toward the door.  
Though she knew it would happen eventually, if she didn’t quit first, Josie was still in disbelief that this was actually happening. Her mind was blank, and her movements were nothing but instinctual as she trudged toward the door with Naomi trailing behind her.  
“I hope for that child’s sake, that you do it a favor and give it up for adoption so it actually has a chance at life,” Naomi said with faux concern.  
Josie had been determined to leave without a word and be done with it, but Naomi just couldn’t be the bigger person.  
“Fuck you,” Josie said automatically, and the dormant lion within her growled aggressively, “Don’t you dare talk about my kid that way, you hateful, self-righteous bitch,” the infuriated redhead practically spat, “I hope that karma pays you and this shit show of a company a visit and runs _it_ and _you_ right into the fucking ground, so you can understand even a minuscule amount of what it feels like to be thrown out on your ass,” Josie bit out angrily, “You don’t know a _goddamned_ thing about me or my life and especially not about what I’m willing to do for my kid, so you can just fuck off and live your pathetic, lonely ass, bitter life and shove your opinions about mine up your ass!”  
If she weren’t busy fisting her hands into the banker’s box in her hands, Josie would have punched the other woman in her slackened face.  
“Josephine, there is no need to-,” Naomi tried to argue.  
“I don’t work for you any more, bitch. It’s a free country. I can say what I want. Good riddance,” Josie said and walked out the door.  
**************************************************************************************************  
“Hello. Dean?” Cas answered the phone, hoping it was his husband letting him know why he was so delayed.  
“Hey, Cas,” his brother-in-law greeted.  
“Sam? Is everything okay?” Cas asked quizzically.  
“Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to give you a heads up. Dean called me,” Sam said tentatively.  
Castiel grew worried, “Where is he? He should’ve been home hours ago.”  
“That’s the thing. He told me to let you know-if you called-, but I didn’t want you to worry, so _I’m_ calling _you_. He’s taking a detour. He didn’t tell me where he’s going, but, um, Cas, he told me about the woman you guys were seeing,” Sam coughed.  
Castiel blushed. He really did not want to be having this conversation with Sam.  
“Look, Sam-,” Cas tried to explain.  
“Cas, it’s fine. Really, I don’t care. I’m really-I don’t need to know what you and my brother get up to. Whatever floats your boat, but uh, I think he might be on his way to Chicago…,” Sam shared his conjecture.  
“Shit,” Cas muttered.  
“Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, when he left this morning, he was in a good mood. He looked _hopeful_ , but just wanted to give you a heads up that he won’t be home for a few days.”  
“Thank you for calling, Sam. You’ll let me know if he calls you again. If I’m at the hospital, you can leave a message for me with the call coordinator,” Cas requested.  
“Of course, Cas. Dean told me he’d call in a day or two. Just please, try not to be too hard on him. I know he loves you, but he does stupid shit sometimes,” Sam laughed.  
“Thanks, Sam,” Cas hung up the phone.  
Quickly, he conjured up the number he had memorized earlier, Josie’s number.  
He dialed it in, but once more the phone just rang and rang without an answer.  
“Fuck,” he muttered.  
He really needed to talk to Josie. If anything, he needed to give her a heads up. Cas took Sam’s word that Dean was doing well, but even a clean and sober Dean could be a bit overbearing, and he didn’t want Josie to feel pressured into making a hasty decision about anything.  
In a way, Castiel was a bit jealous that Dean was almost certainly on his way to see their flame haired goddess again. His less prudent side hoped that Dean would somehow convince her to come home with him.  
After worrying his bottom lip for several minutes, Cas picked up the receiver again and dialed.  
“Singer Salvage.”  
“Bobby?” Cas asked.  
“Well, it ain’t the Queen of England,” the man replied.  
“It’s Castiel. Why are you answering the phone?” Cas inquired.  
“Well, since Dean’s on vacation, it’s all hands on deck right now. We’re taking turns answering the phone. What’s goin’ on, son?” Bobby cut the conversation to the point.  
“I hate to ask this...I know you don’t really do this any more, but...do you think you can help me find someone? I need an address.” Castiel asked tentatively.  
“You’re right, I don’t do _that_ any more, but I can get in touch with someone who does. My old buddy Rufus can help if I ask him, but it’ll cost you a bottle of Johnnie Walker. The good kind,” Bobby said.  
“Consider it done, but I need it as soon as possible,” Cas said insistently.  
“Might take a day or two, but he’ll do it for you. Do I even want to ask?”  
“I promise, I’ll let you know what’s going on if everything goes the way I hope it does,” Cas replied, giving no further details.  
“Well, whatever it is, good luck, son.”  
“Thank you, Bobby.”  
Cas grabbed his coat and keys to go out and procure the bottle for the man he hoped would be able to help him. He was nervous, but hopeful. There was a small window of time for him to do what he needed, but he knew that he had to do this.  
**************************************************************************************************  
While hauling her box of office crap along with her as she schlepped to the L train and walked the few short blocks home, Josie was mentally cursing up a storm. She bypassed her building to try and walk off her fury. The term _livid_ did not begin to describe how angry she was. She wasn't the type to wish bad things upon people or things, but she was feeling down right wrathful towards both of the Adlers. Zachariah Adler was a creepy perv with no true sense of boundaries that she was glad she’d no longer have to put up with. Naomi finally got what she’d wanted since the day Josie started working there. The two had always clashed. Naomi was stuffy and old fashioned, and Josie tried to fit into the little box the woman wanted her to fit, but the younger woman had a very hard time putting up with the unrealistic expectations that were thrust upon her.  
On the plus side, maybe this was the push Josie had needed. Now she could move on. Of course, there was no way that she would be getting a letter of recommendation, but that didn’t matter much. Josie didn’t want to return to the steel industry. She wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do, but she knew she had to do something different, something where she wasn’t so damn subservient and ignored, unless it was to be groped or asked, “Why aren’t you married?”  
_Fuck all of that._  
It was just past lunch time when Josie stopped by a local Italian deli and picked up a meatball sub to satisfy the hunger in her belly. She bit into the sandwich as she walked along a sidewalk that ran parallel to the river. There, she thought of the lives of people who had been cut short in its icy waters. Josie wondered what those people were like when they were alive.  
_What kinds of dreams or aspirations did they have? Where they happy before they died?_  
She had no way of knowing, but she knew that _she_ didn’t want to continue to live in regret and stagnation.  
Though her feet were still hurting- _I’m gonna burn these fucking shoes_ \- Josie wandered around the city for a bit and sat down on a park bench to try and calm herself. When she felt that now familiar fluttery feeling in her belly, she somehow knew it was the baby’s way of comforting her. Josie finished her sandwich a few minutes before she found solace on a park bench that sat on a patch of green with a lovely view of the Chicago skyline. She pulled a pen and a pad of paper with a random truck carrier’s logo on it, and doodled to let out a bit of the frustration that was still present in her tired muscles. She rubbed her small belly and thought about what Castiel and Dean must be up to.  
_It was the middle of the week, so Dean was probably working with Bobby and Castiel was most likely working a long shift at the V.A._

Josie smiled thinking of the two men and fantasized that they would both be home in a few hours and would help each other prepare a simple dinner from scratch.  
_Maybe spaghetti and a salad because Cas is always trying to force Dean to eat his greens._  
Thinking of the mechanic and the doctor and their old couple bickering warmed Josie’s heart, and she longed for them both. It was too bad they couldn’t see their relationship lasting longer than the summer.  
Startled, Josie felt the baby move more aggressively.  
“Jeez, kid,” she smoothed a hand over her belly as she scolded the baby.  
The sensation of having another human being inside of her was not something that Josie had gotten used to yet, and she wasn’t sure that she ever would. But when the little girl moved, Josie was reminded again that there was someone else around.  
_Why do I keep thinking you’re a girl, huh?_  
Josie ran over the list of baby names in her head again.  
_What are we gonna call you, chickadee?_  
The woman pulled out the bobby pins that had been holding her hair too tight, and let the red curtains of her hair fall into thick curls onto her shoulders. With her head a bit alleviated, Josie went over the tentative list of names she’d been throwing back and forth. She thought of variations on her grandmother and grandfather’s name, but none of them felt right.  
Her mother’s name continually popped into her head when she tried to come up with new names, and it actually seemed to fit, but just in case the baby turned out to be a boy, Josie wanted to think of a unisex name.  
_What’s unisex for Charlotte?_ she thought.  
“How about _Charlie_?” she looked down at her baby bump.  
Josie instantly felt an excited flutter which the woman took to mean that the child approved.  
“Alright, kiddo. Charlie it is,” she smiled to herself, and suddenly everything was looking up.  
With renewed hope, Josie did her best to see the whole situation as a positive as she trotted into the diner a few blocks from her building to have a celebration dinner by herself later that afternoon.  
With little effort, Josie comfortably put away a double cheeseburger, fries, milkshake, and a slice of pie. If she hadn’t stopped herself, she probably would’ve added another item to the laundry list of food, but Josie decided if she was still hungry later, she could order food or go out and get something.  
_Just following doctor’s orders_ , Josie laughed to herself when she stared at the stack of plates on her little table.  
Though she was indulging in lots of food, Pam had also told Josie that she needed to get out and walk to stay healthy. She’d been walking all day, but on her way home, she stopped at a few stores to window shop for a bit. Autumn was in full swing with falling leaves littering the streets, and the window displays still hadn’t changed over from Halloween cats, pumpkins, and witches to Thanksgiving cornucopias yet.  
Even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to buy anything new for the baby now, Josie wandered the aisles of her local Woolworth’s until she found the baby section. There were miniature clothes in yellows, pinks and blues, bottles, and rattles in various colors and designs. She tried to imagine how she could use items she already had at home to make a few things for her baby once she was born.  
Suddenly, Josie felt like a horrible mother. Being fired so abruptly threw all her plans out the window. She’d spent the majority of her savings- _foolishly_ \- on her trip to L.A., and the money that she received from proofreading and editing would only just cover rent on a new shoe box-sized apartment on the _not so nice_ side of town. Quickly, she made her way back to her apartment building. Panic was beginning to rise in her throat.  
_I never thought I’d be doing this alone and with no job. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Charlie._  
Tears began to sting her eyes, and she was thankful that darkness was descending on the city much earlier in the late afternoon because she really didn’t want anyone to ask her why she was crying. She didn’t want to talk to anyone...except maybe Cas or Dean, but then that would prompt a whole other huge conversation that she was still unready for.  
Slowly, she climbed the steps up to her one-bedroom with the box she’d been hauling around all day. As she stepped into the apartment, she set the box down on the kitchen table and tried to make a mental to-do list for herself to keep from getting too down.  
After ridding herself of her torturous heels and divesting herself of her wrinkled clothes, Josie proceeded to lie back on her couch with the tv on in the background as she looked over the want ads in the newspaper she’d acquired on the way home and circled a few apartments and jobs that looked _sufficient_.  
To motivate herself to find a new place to live, Josie had given her landlord notice along with her rent check at the end of the previous month so that he could start looking for new tenants. Most of her small belongings were already packaged up and ready to go. All that she needed was a place to move it all to, and when the time came, a moving company to help haul it all away.  
Josie was so exhausted by her long and emotional day that she dozed off on the couch with the _Three’s Company_ theme song swirling in the background.  
_I’ll sort everything out tomorrow_ , she thought before sleep overtook her.  
**************************************************************************************************  
It was a long time since Dean had been to Chicago.  
The last time he remembered going, he was a young teen. His father had taken them to see a big city for the first time, but what was supposed to be a family vacation, quickly turned into nearly a week of him and his brother having to entertain themselves while their father toured the bars along the Chicago River.  
Dean stowed his _lovely_ childhood memories to actually appreciate the way the tall steel buildings scrapped at the darkened sky. He felt comfortable in the darkness. At his first opportunity, Dean stopped at a payphone to call his brother and to look up Josie’s address.  
“Has Cas called?” Dean asked his brother as the name “Sands, Josephine” was laid out before him.  
He was nervous and anxious and more giddy than angry as he tore the page out of the book.  
“Yeah, I talked to him, Dean. We both know what you’re doing,” Sam sighed.  
“Oh, yeah. What is it you _think_ I’m doing, huh, Sammy?” Dean said, shoving the tissue-thin paper into his jacket pocket, nestling next to Josie’s letter and the photo booth filmstrip.  
“Dean, I know I told you to contact her and confront your issues, but-,” Sam began.  
“Look, Sam. I’m gonna handle this. I just wanted to call to check in and let you know I’m doing okay. In fact, I’m better than okay,” Dean replied.  
“I just don’t want you setting yourself up for a fall, Dean,” Sam admitted sadly.  
“I’m a big boy, Sammy. I can deal with whatever comes,” Dean said, trying not to think further than that.  
For the last two days, even the music he’d been blasting and singing along to couldn’t stave off the thoughts of Josie shutting the door in his face or just rejecting him in one way or another. He was really apprehensive about it, but he had not driven nearly across the country just to drive back without knowing where he and Cas stood with Josie.  
“Dean, just promise me if things go south that you’ll call me before you do anything rash?” Sam practically begged.  
“Okay, Sammy. Will do. Either way, I’ll call you before I’m headed back home,” Dean reassured his brother.  
“Take care of yourself, Dean.”  
The man hung up and felt a little more at ease after checking in with Sam.  
Dean had driven as many hours as he could without stopping, not even for food. He stopped once for gas and to use the facilities, but suddenly the bag of chips and crappy quickie mart hot dog were not holding up too well.  
He drove a few blocks before coming across an Italian chain restaurant famous for it’s deep dish pizza. Dean was hungry, and he really didn’t want to show up empty handed once he got to Josie’s.  
_I hope she’s home,_ he thought, worrying his lip.  
The sweet Italian American woman behind the cash register was kind enough to help him determine the best route to get to Josie’s address. Apparently, it was an apartment building.  
It was closer than he realized, and when he found a secure spot for Baby, Dean wormed his way into the building with the heavy pizza box in his hand. He was a bit winded when he finally made it up the third flight of stairs.  
_Need to start jogging again_ , Dean thought, catching his breath.  
The man was all nerves as he thought about what he was going to say if Josie actually was home. He paced the end of the hall for a few minutes to get up his nerve.  
_C’mon, Winchester, be a man_ , he told himself as he walked down the hall. Dean turned back toward the staircase for a moment, taking one last deep breath and running a palm against his hair to comb it flat.  
He froze mid step when he saw a very familiar khaki trench-coated figure standing in front of the wooden door in the middle of the hall.  
“ _Cas_!?”  
*************************************************************************************************  
_Best $40 I’ve ever spent_ , thought Castiel as his checkered cab dropped him off in front of a brick building.  
Once Cas handed over the bottle, Rufus had worked quickly. It didn’t take a full day for him to find Josie on behalf of Cas, and the old curmudgeon didn’t ask any questions.  
The next day, Cas took the first available flight to Chicago. He didn’t have much sick or vacation time left, and he was going to owe a few people a couple of favors at both his hospitals, but it was worth it to be able to see Josie again and to hopefully resolve this situation once and for all.  
After years of skipping the elevators at County General, Castiel easily clamored up the three flights of stairs up to the apartment in which Josie lived.  
From the airport, he stopped at the first bakery he’d seen to pick up an apple pie and a small bouquet of flowers so that he wouldn’t be showing up empty handed. He estimated that Dean was probably still on the road. Cas hoped he’d have a minute to talk to the woman before his husband arrived just to prep her before he reacted _however_ it was that Dean was going to react.  
Castiel stood in front of the door and straightened his coat out just before he was about to knock when he heard a deep, velvety, beautiful and familiar voice calling out his name, “ _Cas_!?”  
***************************************************************************************************  
Under any other circumstances, Dean would be in hysterics at the way Castiel’s big, blue eyes bugged out of his eyes.  
“ _Dean_!? What are you-?” Cas began.  
“What am _I_ -? What are _you_ -? Wait, how did you-?” Dean began to ask.  
“Bobby,” Cas explained without having to elaborate.  
“Rufus?” Dean asked.  
“Yes,” Cas nodded.  
“Right,” Dean worried his lip.  
“Deep dish?” Cas asked, gesturing toward the box in Dean’s hands.  
“Yeah,” Dean replied, moving closer to him.  
Dean had an urge to wrap a free arm around Cas and bury his face in the other man’s neck, but he stopped himself when he remembered their last hurtful interaction.  
They shared an uneasy silence for several moments, neither wanting to be the first to speak….until Cas finally relented.  
“Dean,” Cas sighed, then he spoke softly, “I-I don’t like how we left things….”  
Dean looked down and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.  
“Me either,” he said, hardly looking up at the other man.  
“Dee,” Cas shoved the bouquet under his arm to stretch out a hand and cup Dean’s cheek, “I meant what I said, but I shouldn’t have been such an asshole about it, and I just worry about you- _dammit_ -.”  
Dean moved into the touch and sighed contently.  
“Babe, I fucking missed you. I was trying to tell you I had stopped-I _have_ stopped. I called Missouri, and I’m gonna see her when I get back , and-” Dean rambled on.  
“Shh,” Cas moved closer to his forlorn husband, “It’s okay. It’s just good to see you. We can talk about all that calmly later, but...I missed you...I missed my... _good boy_.”  
Dean pulled Castiel close and kissed him hard, like he’d been thinking about doing all week. Castiel fisted his hand into Dean’s hair and pushed their faces together harder.  
As he kissed his partner, Dean could vaguely hear the muffled studio audience from a tv set on the other side of the door.  
_She has to be home_ , he hoped, but didn’t pay that thought much mind because Cas was actually _here_ and kissing him.  
A door began to open near by, but Cas and Dean were too wrapped up in their kiss to hear it.  
“What’s all the ruckus abou-? Oh, _wow_ , didn’t mean to interrupt, fellas,” the familiar, but groggy voice of a woman joked, “ _Wait_ …”  
The two enamored men slowly parted and turned to peer toward the opened door, and their flame haired goddess stared at them with wide eyes.  
It took Josie several moments to stop gaping like a fish due to her utter shock, but soon she exclaimed, “ _Cas_!? _Dean_!?”  
“Hi, Josie,” they both said in unison with sheepish smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Mentions of pregnancy symptoms are guesstimations based on people I've known who have been preggers as well as a tiny bit of research I've done online. *I am not a medical professional.*  
> -Dean's road trip - I used Google Maps to plot the course and choose his stops. I've never been to those parts of the country (other than Northern California), so all my impressions are based on things I've seen on tv or online. Ditto for Chicago.  
> -Biggerson's- a Denny's type restaurant straight out of canon.  
> -Office Stuff - People used to smoke indoor, misogyny was rampant, and yes, you could get fired for being pregnant especially if you were single. Also, some of the stuff that goes on in the office is ish I actually went through in previous jobs I've held.  
> -White Pages - Before the internet was thing, people could call information or look in the White Pages to look people's phone numbers and addresses.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Angst  
> -Nostalgia  
> -Loneliness  
> -Impulsive!Dean  
> -Solo Road Trip  
> -BAMF!Josie  
> -MommaBear!Josie  
> -Mentions of nausea  
> -Mentions of yummy foods that might make you hungry (I'm sorry)  
> -Walking to rival that of a Hobbit  
> -Impulsive!Castiel
> 
> Next chapter is mostly complete, but needs tweaking. Thanks again for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, our heroes enjoy a long awaited reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello My Lovelies,  
> I'm so sorry about the delay. I would have posted sooner, but I've been having AO3 issues.  
> That being said, thank YOU for sticking around! There will be one or two chapters of Autumn Breeze, and then I will begin Winter Breeze.  
> All the thanks to my betas AstridBeau and KayCorson!!!!  
> Tags at the end.  
> Enjoy! :-* <3

“Cas!? Dean!?” Josie asked, gaping in complete and utter shock behind the partially opened door.  
“H-Hey, Jos,” Dean grinned shyly.  
“Hello, Josephine,” Castiel sighed happily.  
“What are you guys doing here?” she asked, covering her mouth with her palm. _  
_

The two men shifted away from each other minutely.

“Uh, special delivery for Josie Sands!” Dean said loudly with a happy smirk, holding out the box in his hands.  
“Special delivery?” she mumbled to herself with a toothy grin as if she wasn’t sure if this was a dream.  
It took Josie a moment to creep out from behind the door and open it fully. Dean was endeared by the look on her face; he’d become familiar with that groggy look the redhead would get when she would nap late into the afternoon during the summer.  
Her crimson hair cascaded around her rosey cheeks, which looked a little fuller than the last time he’d seen her. In a way, noting that her face looked a little less angular made Dean happy that she was eating enough.  
_She looks healthy._  
He was a bit worried though when he saw that her makeup was a smeared, and she had puffiness under her tired, blue-green eyes from what looked like traces of mascara and tears. Other than her eyes, she looked okay and comfortable in a thick, oversized, mustard colored, cable-knit sweater that fell over her hips and she wore a pair of skintight, white leggings.  
After driving nearly 30 hours straight, he couldn’t believe that he was standing on his woman’s doorstep with Cas by his side no less. It took everything inside Dean not to drop the pizza pie and wrap his arms around the flabbergasted deity in front of him. It had been a few months since he’d last seen her, and he really couldn’t be sure where they stood, so he decided he would have to move slowly.  
He could also tell that Cas was itching just hold her too, but the strung out looking doctor was also showing restraint until Josie indicated what would be appropriate.  
They weren’t in the bungalow any more. They weren’t in California. Neither he nor Cas had any way of knowing how far their relationship with her had moved away from those casual and comfortable, slightly possessive touches and kisses.  
She practically rammed into Dean first and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing the life out of him.  
And _god_ , it felt good.  
Josie stepped back for a moment, then embraced Cas in a similar way.  
Dean saw the aborted kiss she was about to give the dark-haired man, and it made Dean sad that she was holding back, but hopeful that she still wanted them too.  
“Thought you might be hungry,” he gestured toward the aroma of sausage and tomato sauce wafting from the cardboard box in his hand, “Just call me the pizza man.”  
“This is so...unexpected...but good,” Josie radiated joy and unbridled excitement when she looked at him and Cas.  
“I also brought you these,” Cas held out the store bought flowers that had seen better days and a box of pie.  
She looked like she was about to cry, “I don’t know what to say.”  
Cas stretched out an arm and held her in a one armed hug.  
For a moment, Dean thought about how lonely she must have been without anyone to hold her and show her affection. It warmed him to see Cas falling right back into his role as caregiver to her. Fighting off the lump in his throat, Dean coughed to get their attention.  
“Hey, is it okay if we take this party indoors?” Dean asked.  
“Yes-yeah, please,” she pulled away from Cas then held out her arm to show them inside.  
Dean set the box down on the counter near the stove and turned to appraise her properly. Cas placed the pie next to the pizza while Josie looked for a vase to put the flowers in. Dean could tell that she had put on a little bit of weight and he appreciated the slight thickness in her hips.  
“So how’ve you been?” he asked.  
“Been...okay, I suppose, but Dean- _wow_ -I can’t believe you guys are actually here. What’s going on? How have you guys been? ...Is everything...please tell me everything is okay with you two…,” she pleaded sadly.  
Cas pressed his lips into a contemplative line, shooting Dean a look, trying to decide how much to share.  
“Cas and I are...we’ve had better days, but it’s nothing we can’t work through,” Dean decided to just be forthcoming for once, “Actually, that’s sorta why I’m here-why _we’re_ here.”  
Josie waited for him to continue, but he quickly deflected.  
“You know what, I haven’t eaten all day. How about we dig into this masterpiece, and we’ll talk afterward?” he suggested.  
“Okay, sure,” Josie went to grab plates from the cupboard.  
“I got it, sweetheart. I can find my way around any kitchen in America. Why don’t you go find us something to watch on the tv? Unless, you don’t want us to eat in the living room,” Dean asked.  
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Josie nodded and headed back to the couch.  
**************************************************************************************************  
Alone in the kitchen with Dean, Castiel wanted to talk about everything and clear up some things before they spoke to Josie. He was hesitant, but he and Dean needed to talk.  
“Dean,” Cas began quietly.  
“I don’t know if this is the best time to get into it, Cas,” Dean spoke in hushed tones while pulling plates from the cupboard.  
“I know, things aren’t back to normal with us, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page,” Cas said with a deep, tired gravel as he helped Dean plate the thick casserole-like pizza slices.  
“Look, I know we didn’t talk about it before I headed out here, but I just needed to fix this, Cas. Whatever Josie decides....we just need to know,” Dean said without looking up at Cas.  
“Dee,” Castiel said sadly, leaning toward his husband, “That’s why I’m here too. Sam told me you were probably coming here, and I-I didn’t want you to have to deal with this on your own. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, but I know how vulnerable you are right now…”  
Dean clenched his teeth and that nervous little muscle in his jaw shifted in a way that Castiel was more than familiar with.  
“That doesn’t mean that you can’t handle whatever it is she’ll say, but...Dee,” Cas cupped the other man’s scruffy chin to make their eyes meet, “Dean, you’re my partner-my husband, and we need to support each other. If we’re going to invite another person into our lives permanently, we should do so as a united front. And,” he sighed, “If this isn’t something she wants, we will be here for each other.”  
Dean nodded quietly, “Okay.”  
“Okay,” Cas agreed and shared a tender kiss with his partner, “I love you,” he whispered against his lips.  
“Me too, babe.”  
“C’mon, Dee. Let’s get some food. You look a little haggard,” Cas teased as they walked out of the kitchen.  
“You’re not looking so sunshine fresh yourself, princess,” Dean quipped back.  
“Do I have to separate you two?” Josie jested as she yelled at them from the living room.  
The way she fell into step with them so naturally and effortlessly gave Castiel hope, but he was nervous about what they needed to tell her.  
As they walked toward the living room, Cas and Dean saw a legal box on the kitchen table. They shared a look then glanced around the apartment to see that there were cardboard boxes laying around, but they decided to address them later...if they got that far.  
They both plopped down on either side of Josie with a couple of plates and a fork for each of them.  
The woman was all crimson curls and spun wool as she melted into the sofa with her plate under her chin.  
“Mmm,” Josie moaned as she bit into the forkful of savory pie.  
“Oh my god. This is amazing,” Dean agreed, throwing his head back theatrically as he ate his own slice to Josie’s left.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a pizza that tasted like this before. Mmmm,” Cas groaned throatily.  
“I didn’t realize how hungry I was. I haven’t had pizza in like a month,” Josie said, devouring everything on her plate quickly.  
“Gotta love pizza,“ Dean said, still working through the hearty piece.  
“I do, but I’ve been on a cheeseburger and pie kick for the last couple of weeks,” she replied, wiping the sauce from the corners of her mouth.  
_That must be why she looks a little thicker around the waist_ , Cas considered.  
“A woman after my own heart,” Deans swooned, making Josie smile.  
“Burgers are my weakness as well,” Cas said, savoring each forkful slowly.  
A variety show, which may or may not have been _The Sonny and Cher Show,_  played upon the set, but no one was really watching it. They were all just too wrapped up in each other and so happy to be together again that everything else fell to the wayside. Sly smiles and longing looks kept passing between the three of them, until finally, Josie nudged Dean again.  
***************************************************************************************************  
“Okay, so what’s the deal? I don’t hear from you guys since I came back home, and out of the blue, you show up on my doorstep with a pizza and pie. What’s going on, fellas?” Josie got right to the point.  
Dean sat hunched with his forearms over his thighs, and one of his legs bounced nervously, “Wow, sweetheart, don’t pull any punches now.”  
She leveled him with a look as she propped her elbow on the backrest of the couch and rested her head on her hand.  
“Dean,” she prodded.  
Dean shared a look with the blue-eyed man, and Cas nodded at Dean to continue.  
He sighed, “Okay. Here it goes,” he took a deep breath, “Well, the long and the short of it is, _we fucked up_.”  
Castiel worried his lip but didn’t attempt to correct or interrupt Dean.  
“We, uh, we wanted you to stay, but we couldn’t find the right time to tell you-to _ask_ you if that was what you wanted too, and one morning, you were just... _gone_ ,” Dean said, unable to look up at Josie’s eyes.  
She inhaled heavily, but sat quietly and listened.  
“We had both talked about it for a couple of weeks after we had struck up a relationship with you, but we were both too...cowardly to address it-to ask you what you thought. I think we were both too afraid that you would say no, so the opportunity never seemed to present itself,” Cas added.  
Josie took that moment to stand up and pace with one hand braced behind her back the way pregnant women did.  
Dean was a bit taken aback by the manuerism that seemed novel to him. He’d never seen Josie do that before. She kept her back to both men, and her silence created a palpable tension in the room.  
“So...why are you here? Why _now_? You guys flew all the way out here for...what?” she asked slowly with frustration creeping into her voice.  
Both men sat on edge as they listened to their lover speak to them in a cold and foreign tone.  
Dean’s heart dropped to his toes.  
“I actually drove. I don’t do planes,” he tried to joke.  
“I did fly out,” Castiel replied absentmindedly.  
“You mean, you guys didn’t come out here together?” Josie asked with concern.  
“No, uh, it wasn’t planned per se…” Cas scratch the back of his head.  
“Okay, what the hell is going on, guys?” the worry in Josie’s voice was evident.  
“Look, _fuck_ , this is not how I wanted this to go. Jos, I was visiting my brother Sam, and just decided to come out here to you because I needed,” Dean swallowed hard, “ _We_ need to know….we know this is a lot to ask, and it might be too little too late, but even if it doesn’t seem like it right this sec, Cas and I are on the same page about this,” Dean looked to Cas, and his husband nodded, “We need to know if you still want us.”  
“In any capacity…,” Castiel clarified, “We both think you’re an amazing and unique person, and we both...love you, and please believe me when I say, we’ve been suffering in your absence, but if you say you want nothing to do with either of us, then,” Cas gulped, “We’ll respect your wishes.”  
“You _love_ me?” she mocked.  
Josie kept her back to both of them and brought her hands up to her face.  
She let out what sounded like a bitter laugh at first to Dean, but it soon turned into cries that she was trying to muffle with her palms.  
Instinctually, both Cas and Dean were up and out of their seats at once and walked over to her, but kept a slight distance.  
“You love me?” she asked louder, “What am I supposed to do with that!?”  
“Josie, baby, please,” Dean pleaded as he watched her eyes well up with tears that she refused to let fall.  
Cas wrapped his arms around her shoulders and tucked her face into his shoulder, “Yes, Josephine, we love you.”  
“Not fair,” Dean heard her say faintly, “This isn’t fucking fair,” she said louder and pulled back from them both with accusation in her eyes.  
“Sweetheart-” Dean tried to interject.  
She inhaled a shuddered breath, “Do you have any idea how goddamned hard it was to leave you? _Do you_?”  
She turned from Cas and then to Dean with angry tears raining down her cheeks.  
“Jos-” Cas began as she stepped further back from the couple.  
“Do you have any idea the shit I’ve been going through since I got back? How fucking horrible I felt thinking that you two didn’t really want me? I tried to tell myself that it was fine that we had a good time, but that was all,” she wiped at her face with her sleeve and smeared black residue on the golden wool.  
“Please, Josephine,” Cas tried to approach her to try and soothe her.  
“I swear to god, Castiel, if you tell me to calm down-,” Josie warned.  
It hurt Dean to see Josie so upset, but he knew that the fault of this whole mess didn’t lie solely upon him and Cas.  
“Well then, why didn’t _you_ say something? You could’ve told us you wanted to stick around too,” Dean shot back, feeling frustrated.  
“How, Dean?” Josie looked up at him with red eyes and spoke in a hoarse voice, “You guys have been together for what? Eight years? How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? I don’t _want_ to compete with that. It would have been foolish and masochistic for me to somehow just assume that you guys would be okay with me staying in L.A. for you. And who does that any way? Who stays in a town to moon over a person, or persons, who haven’t asked them to stay in the first place? I might love you both, but I do have some pride!” Josie shouted.  
“You’re right,” Cas replied, “Like Dean said, _‘We fucked up'_ , but we’re here now. We want to make this right. We need to know. Josephine, if we asked you to come with us-to come back to us, would you? Is that something you wanted? Something you _want now_?”  
She paused for a seemingly endless moment with her arms crossed over her chest as if to hug herself.  
“If you wouldn’t want to live with us, we could make arrangements for you to stay somewhere close by, perhaps with the Singers or in one of our guest bedrooms if you just didn’t want to share a bed with us full time,” Castiel suggested, “Not that we want you to come with us for purely sexual reasons. In fact, if you didn’t want to do that at all, we’d be okay with that too. We just want you near.”  
_That's not entirely true,_ Dean didn’t want to think about having Josie living under their roof or living a few short blocks away without being able to touch her. In a way, that might be worse than not being near her at all.  
“And we could help you look for a job. Actually, we’re hiring at the garage if you don’t mind being around a bunch of grease monkies all the time or anything else you want, we just-we’re just asking for a chance here, Jos,” Dean said, approaching her slowly.  
She worried her lip and licked the tears that crept toward the corners of her mouth.  
“You guys are serious?” she asked in a broken voice.  
They shared a hopeful glance and replied in unison, “Yes.”  
Dean looked around the room again as Josie stood deep in thought with her hand moving up to her cheek, and he noticed the mostly bare walls and sparse furniture.  
Carefully, Cas moved toward Josie and pulled her arm away from her chest to twine his fingers in hers. The woman shuddered a broken breath as she finally allowed Castiel to inch closer to her face. Gently, he cupped her cheek and whispered, “Your home is with us, Josephine. Please…,”  
Dean stepped a little closer while he watched Cas lick salty tears from the corners of her mouth until their lips pressed against each other. The sight sent Dean’s heart soaring, and soon he found himself kissing Josie too.  
“Missed you so much, baby girl,” he whispered against her cheek and ear.  
His lips tingled as they pressed against her heated skin.  
Both he and Cas showered her with kisses, and Josie tugged both of them closer as if she was afraid she would lose them again.  
She exhaled hard when Dean moved a bow leg between her thighs.  
“Mmm, fuck,” she whispered breathlessly.  
Josie found Dean’s lips and kissed him passionately, but when Cas tried to slip his hand beneath the front of her sweater, she froze.  
_Something’s not right_ , Dean could feel it in his gut.  
Cas stilled, and he and Dean stood back a bit to give Josie some room.  
“Wait, there’s something I need to tell you guys…” Josie said, straightening her blouse and smoothing out her unruly hair.  
“Were you goin’ somewhere, Jos?” Dean inquired, assuming that her revelation was related to the boxes sitting throughout the room.  
“Huh? Oh, I _was_ actually planning on moving,” she replied quickly.  
“Where were you moving to?” Castiel asked with a raised eyebrow.  
“Not sure yet, but I’ve been looking for a place,” she said, holding something back.  
Dean got the distinct feeling that she was lying by omission.  
“Do you guys really mean what you’re saying?” Josie asked with hope.  
“Yes,” they both replied once more, hoping she would finally answer them.  
“Why? Why do you want me to move to L.A.? I need to know,” Josie asked softly.  
“Like we’ve been sayin’, it’s been hell being without you. I’m a fucking mess, and Cas had been working himself to death. Look we know we’re not perfect, and we don’t expect you to fix either of us or the issues we have in our own relationship, but,” Dean took a deep breath and took one of Josie’s hands, “we...love you, Josie.”  
Cas took her other hand and squeezed it tight, “It’s true. We love you, and we want you in our lives. Nothing more, nothing less, and we’d prefer if you were closer than further away, but if you have a strong desire to stay in Chicago, we’ll take your friendship in any capacity we can get it.”  
Josie started crying all over again.  
This time, she let Cas and Dean move close to her and take turns placing soft kisses on her lips and cheeks again.  
“Please, Jos, please,” Dean mumbled against her moist skin.  
“Please, tell us what you’re thinking, my love,” Cas whispered, stroking loose strands out of her face.  
“I lost my job today, so if you guys mean it, I mean I don’t have much money. I have just enough for a small deposit on a room, but-fuck,” Josie shuddered.  
“If you want to come with us, we can find a way,” Cas replied.  
“I just want to make it clear that if I go, it’s not because I want you guys to take care of me financially. If we live together…” Josie began.  
A chill ran down Dean’s spine at the prospect of it, of not having to be away from both his lovers ever again.  
“Of course, yeah. I mean, you better believe we’ll spoil the fuck out of you though, but we get it, you’re an independent woman, a feminist. You don’t want to depend on a man. That’s cool with me. That cool with you, Cas?” Dean asked without turning away from Josie’s face.  
“So cool,” Cas replied dryly with a smile for Josie, “We don’t want you to change who you are, Josephine. By all means, take over the world, but just be with us.”  
“I really want to say yes, but there’s something I _really_ need to tell you guys first,” Josie hesitated.  
“Okay,” Dean shared a nervous glance with Cas and held his breath.  
“So, like I said, I lost my job today. More specifically, I was fired,” Josie explained.  
“Shit. That sucks,” Dean leaned in and nuzzled her cheek in consolation.  
“I’m sorry, darling. I can’t imagine anyone firing you,” Cas wrapped an arm around her back, pressing her breasts to his chest.  
“They were assholes,” Josie sighed.  
Dean laughed which made both Cas and Josie smile.  
“So, yeah, after more than five years of loyal service, I was unceremoniously escorted out,” Josie said.  
“That’s horrible. It sounds like you’ve had a difficult day,” Cas stroked a patch of her exposed skin on her neck with the back of his curled fingers.  
Josie closed her eyes and appeared to relish in the affection that Cas was showing.  
_Just like old times_ , Dean smiled internally.  
“Yeah, it’s been kind of a rough day, but what I’m getting at is, there’s really nothing holding me here any more. No job, no friends really other than Dr. Pam, and my lease is up at the end of the month...,” Josie rattled on softly.  
“Dr. Pam?” Cas asked with great concern.  
“Is everything okay?” Dean asked, crowding in closer to Josie and Cas.  
“Well, that’s what I’m getting at. I’ve been meaning to contact you both, but I hadn’t found the right time to tell you…” Josie pulled back just enough to get a good look at both Cas and Dean.  
“Tell us what?” Castiel held his breath.  
Dean looked at him with worry in his eyes. A colorful variety of horrible possibilities were running through Dean’s head.  
Josie took in a deep gulp of air.  
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted.  
Time seemed to stop for Dean, and Cas’ pupils shrunk to the size of pins in the oceans of his blue irises.  
“What?” both men asked at once.  
Josie stepped back a bit and slowly lifted her sweater up just enough to show them her little round belly.  
Dean was surprised he didn’t faint right then and there.  
**************************************************************************************************  
_Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit_ , Josie was panicking internally, _I’ve really fucked this up now_.  
She felt frantic as both Cas and Dean wordlessly moved over to the couch and dropped down with matching pale looks on their faces.  
“Please, say something,” she pleaded.  
“Is it?” Dean croaked, “ _Ours_?”  
“Well, um, there’s really no way of knowing really whether it’s your’s or Cas’ until she’s born, but I haven’t been with anyone else other than you two...if that’s what you’re asking...,” Josie trailed off.  
Cas sat stock still without speaking for a long moment.  
Josie began nervously pacing again with her hand braced on her lower back, and she felt two sets of eyes following her steps.  
“When were you planning on telling us?” Cas finally uttered, and he sounded more wounded than upset.  
“I was waiting for the right time,” Josie replied.  
“Like when the kid’s graduating from high school?” Dean asked sarcastically.  
“Shit, Dean, that’s not fair,” Josie shot back.  
“ _Fair_? You’re having our kid, and you weren’t gonna fucking tell us!” Dean stood up.  
“ _Dean_ ,” Cas warned.  
“Look, I know I shouldn’t’ve waited so long, but I wanted to be _sure_ …,” Josie tried to explain.  
“You mean you weren’t _sure_ …?” Dean began.  
“Not that. I was sure I wanted to keep her, but,” Josie paused, “I wanted to be sure that she _stuck_. What was I supposed to do? Call you and Cas up and say, ‘Guess what fellas? I’m carrying your bastard child, and oh, by they way, my body may or may not kill it like the last one!’”  
Josie took in a sharp breath, realizing she had said too much.  
“Fuck, Jos,” Dean felt like a complete and utter dick.  
He moved closer to Josie and held her as a new batch of tears rolled down her cheeks.  
“Shhh. It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay,” Dean stroked her hair.  
“Shit,” Cas hung his head between his cupped hands as he continued to sit on the couch.  
“That’s why you came to L.A.,” Dean realized out loud.  
“Yeah….we were gonna get married, and he-he left me. Couldn’t handle how I couldn’t just get over it,” she added.  
“That prick,” Dean spat.

Josie figured this wasn't the best time to point out that Philip really wasn't an asshole. He just couldn't deal with the way she was coping with the loss.  
“I’m so sorry, Josie,” Cas said sympathetically and paused for a moment before wondering aloud, “I know we should have discussed this before having relations with you, but weren’t you on any prophylactic when you were with us?”  
“Honestly, I didn’t think I could get pregnant. After the miscarriage...we tried for a while and _nothing_ …,” Josie trailed off.  
“How far along are you?” Dr. Novak asked.  
“Just over four months is what my doctor estimates,” Josie replied.  
“I’ve known women I’ve treated in the past at the clinic to wait to let their families know until after the third month. I suppose it’s understandable, especially if you were pregnant before…,” Castiel relayed carefully.  
“Yeah, almost two years before I met you guys. I lost that baby at the fourth month, and I really didn’t want to-,” Josie was overcome with tears again.  
Cas was up and by her side again and holding her with Dean wrapping his arms around her back.  
“I don’t want anything to happen to Charlie,” she cried and sniffled, “Uh, fucking hormones!”  
All three laughed at that.  
“Charlie?” Cas asked.  
“I think it’s a girl. I was thinking Charlotte after my mother, but I call her Charlie for short,” Josie said, letting both men envelope her in a tight hug.  
“So you really want this kid?” Dean asked as he placed kisses on her neck and ear.  
“Yes. I love her, and she’s a part of you two, so it makes me want her more. She seems to love you guys too. She wiggles around when I think about either of you or when I talk to her about you guys. She’s a feisty little thing,” Josie giggled, wiping a tear from her eye.  
“I would hope so, I mean she is _our_ kid,” Dean said, holding Josie tighter.  
“Please say this is okay,” Josie whispered.  
“It’s okay,” Dean reassured her.  
“It’s more than okay,” Cas kissed Josie softly, “This is something that Dean and I have been wanting for several years now,” Cas said, holding back his emotions, “We never thought it would happen.”  
“Well, this is happening. Oof! Shit, Charlie,” Josie huffed as she felt the baby moving around.  
Dean laughed, “What’d she do?”  
“I think she’s excited. Like I said, she’s a frickin wiggle worm right now. Feels like she’s doing a samba in there. I think she can tell her daddies are here,” she smiled and pulled Dean and Castiel’s hands to place them on her belly.  
“Holy fuck!” Dean took his hand back quickly after feeling movement against his hand.  
He giggled nervously before putting his hand on Josie’s belly again.  
“Is this okay?” he asked.  
“Yeah, it’s fine. I just hope she goes to sleep when I do tonight. It’s still a little weird for me to try and rest when I can feel her swimmin’ around in there,” Josie smiled at Dean.  
Cas grinned at her warmly as he fought off tears, “Yes, babies at this stage can be fairly active though they are pretty small.”  
“This is so insane. Cas, can you believe it? We’re gonna have a baby,” Dean smiled and grabbed Cas by the lapel to share a happy kiss with him.  
Both men laughed happily in their disbelief with tears brightening their eyes.  
“Well, actually _I’m_ the one having the baby,” Josie looked away playfully.  
“Yes, yes you are. You have no idea how happy this makes us,” Cas kissed Josie chastely before holding her tighter and deepening the kiss.  
She turned her head to find Dean’s lips as well, and felt more supported than she had in way too long.  
“So, this means you’re coming with us, right?” Castiel asked Josie.  
“I’ll come, but I just wanted to make sure that you guys wanted me for me not just because I’m about to have your baby or any other reason. I don’t want either of you to feel obligated, and I don’t want you guys to change your mind after I’ve moved in,” Josie said, implying that that’s what had happened last time.  
“Well, we obviously didn’t know about the baby until now, but yes, we want you and her,” Cas replied.  
“Yeah, and there’s no way, we’re changing our minds,” Dean added.  
“Then, okay. I’ll come with you guys,” Josie smiled happily.  
Dean turned her around so that he could grab her and spin her around.  
All three began giggling uncontrollably and shared hugs and kisses.  
“Hey, we almost forgot about the pie!” Josie said, rushing toward the kitchen.  
“I’ll have some in a minute, I’m still pretty full,” Dean said, patting his stomach.  
"Quitter," Josie stuck her tongue out at him.  
“Yes, me too,” Castiel agreed.  
“I feel like a bottomless pit lately,” Josie said, cutting a quarter of the pie plate for herself, “I guess that’s what eating for two will do to you.”  
“I hope you like apple pie,” Cas said, watching as Josie heaved the massive chunk of the pastry onto a dinner plate.  
“Love it,” Josie said, wasting no time bringing a forkful of the pastry to her mouth, “Mmm.”  
Cas and Dean laughed at her.  
“I’m assuming it’s okay if Cas and I spend the night?” Dean asked tentatively.  
“It’s all I’ve been wishing for since I left,” Josie batted her eyes at Dean, “You don’t know how hard it’s been trying to get used to sleeping alone again.”  
"It's been extremely difficult for us not to leave a space between the two of us when we sleep too," Cas admitted.  
“Well, now you don’t have to,” Dean said, placing a kiss on Josie’s nose.  
“Good thing we’re staying too. I didn’t even bother looking for a hotel room before coming here,” Cas said.  
" _Really_ , Cas?"Dean raised his eyebrow at his husband.  
"I was too eager to get here once I had her address," Cas told Dean.  
"I'm more than happy to share my apartment...and my bed...if that's what you both want...," Josie said, swallowing another forkful slowly.  
Castiel looked at Dean, and they both nodded.  
"If that's okay with you, Josephine," Cas said, wiping a stray drop of cinnamon apple filling from Josie's bottom lip with his thumb.  
"Yeah, yes," she whispered.  
"Good," Cas kissed her seductively, but softly.  
“Mind if I use your shower? I’ve been on the road a few days and need to freshen up,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Ditto,” Cas added.  
“Sure. Of course,” Josie rubbed her neck, “I call first shower though.”  
With that, Josie stretched as she stood up to pop into the shower.  
A few minutes later, the guys bussed the plates and flatware and put away the food as Josie washed the stress of the day away. Dean took a moment to run to the Impala and grab his duffle bag. To everyone’s surprise, Cas didn’t even bring an overnight bag, but Dean had no problem loaning him an extra pair of sweatpants.  
When Josie stepped out of the shower, she wrapped herself up in her soft cotton robe and walked into the livingroom.  
"All yours, fellas," Josie announced as she towel dried her hair.  
"Do you mind if I go first?" Dean asked Cas, rubbing the back of his neck.  
"Go ahead, Dee," Cas told Dean.  
"Be out in a bit," Dean said, leaning toward Josie to place a kiss on her lips as he went into the bedroom with his duffle.  
As Josie took a seat next to Castiel on the sofa, she considered that they had never really had a moment alone. Come to think of it, she had never had a moment alone with Dean either. If she was about to enter into a real relationship with both men, she was going to have to get a feel for what it would be like to be alone with one whenever the other was away.  
Josie looked around and noted that the plates had been cleared away from the coffee table.  
"Oh, you guys didn't have to clean up," she said, holding her towel around the back of her neck.  
Cas rubbed his tired eyes, "It's the least we could do."  
"Castiel," she said quietly, "What's really been going on since I've been away?"  
He pursed his lips, and Josie could see the familiar scruff of stubble around his lips.  
"We've had some...challenges. Dean, he doesn't do this often, it's only happened once before, but he uses alcohol as a crutch. Typically, he doesn't drink much unless he's triggered. Let's just say, he hasn't been taking this well, but I have faith in him. I believe he's stopped now, and when we get back home, he'll be meeting with his therapist to help work through this," he said quietly.  
Josie's heart ached to think that Dean was so broken up about everything that he'd needed to self medicate to deal with it-or rather _not_ deal with it.  
"What about you, huh, Cas?" she asked lacing her fingers with his.  
"Uh, uh," he let out a breath that became a humorless laugh, "I've been pretty fucked up too."  
Josie leaned closer to the dour looking man and wrapped her arms around him.  
"I'm better now though. I think we both are," Cas whispered against her cheek, and his stubble prickled deliciously against her warm skin.  
"I hope so," she uttered like a prayer before pressing her lips to his, "You should go wash up. I'm sure Dee will be out soon."  
She sat back, and Cas nodded before standing up and heading toward the bedroom.  
***************************************************************************************************  
Dean was still in the shower, but Cas proceeded to take his wrinkled suit off piece by piece and lay it out on the bed next to Dean's blue jeans and balled up shirt.  
He must've been cold. Stubborn bastard, Cas thought as he ran his hands over the threadbare tee Dean had discarded.  
The scene in the bedroom was achingly domestic. As he undressed, Josie sat at her vanity and rubbed lotion onto her long legs and fluffed her hair to let it air dry.  
Dean normally didn't take so long in the shower, so Cas decided to peek in and check on him. In his white, cotton boxers, the dark haired man carefully opened the door and was enveloped by steam wafting around him.  
"Mmmm, uh uh. Mmmm," Cas heard breathy moans emanating from the other side of the vinyl curtain.  
"Dean?" Cas asked softly.  
"Mmm, Cas. Please. _Need_ you," Dean murmured.  
The sound of his debauched husband stirred want in Cas' belly and awakened his dormant cock.  
The good doctor dropped his boxers on the bath mat before slowly pulling back the curtain and stepping into the small stall.  
"I'm right here, Dee," he reassured in a near purr.  
Cas' breath caught in his throat when he saw that Dean had one leg propped up against the edge of the tub and was working three fingers into himself with his head thrown back and his cock looked angrily hard against his tight belly.  
" _Fuck_ , Dee," Cas exhaled, "So beautiful. My good boy."  
He moved close to kiss him passionately underneath the hot shower spray.  
"Need you," Dean ecked out in a small, vulnerable voice, all the while continuing to finger himself.  
"I'll take care of you, my _sweet_ Dean," Cas placed reverent kisses on his partner's eyes and cheeks, "Help me wash up, and then I'll give you what you need."  
"Yes, Sir," he replied with an exhale.  
Dean took a washcloth and rubbed a bar of soap against it to get a good lather before using it to scour Castiel's skin, slowly and sensually. When Dean reached Cas' groin, he used his hands and fingers to rub carefully and thoroughly, making the other man's breath hitch.  
The shower spray washed away the soap, and Dean slowly got on his knees to lave at Castiel's length while his fingers trailed along his perineum until a soapy finger was circling his hole.  
"Shit, Dean. That's it," Cas widened his stance to let Dean's fingers breach his tight ring of muscle gently.  
Cas leaned back against the tile wall and ran his fingers through Dean's hair as he eagerly began taking more of Cas' length into his mouth and slipped his finger further into the dark haired man's loosening hole.  
"Mmm. Taste so good, Cas. Missed you. Uhh," Dean said, stroking Castiel's cock.  
"Missed you too, Dee. Nnngh. Mmm. Doing such a good job, my good boy," Cas panted, arching his pelvis toward his lover.  
Dean took Cas' pulsing length down to the root until the doctor could feel his husband's nostrils exhaling against the trimmed thatch of dark hair at the base of his cock, and he felt the welcome stretch of another finger slipping in next to the one that Dean had been working into him.  
"Shit, Dee. Love how you suck my cock," fighting the splash of water against his lashes, Cas chanced a glance at Dean and groaned, "God, Dean. Your lips look so beautiful stretched around my cock. So _pretty._  Mmm."  
Dean continued to vigorously suck and stroke Castiel's thick manhood until Cas started tugging on his hair harder.  
"Dean, don't want to come like this. Slow down, good boy," Cas croaked in a guttural voice, "C'mere."  
Castiel cupped Dean's jaw with his hand to bring him up to standing for a soft and tender kiss. He could taste his precum on Dean's lips as their tongues pressed against each others with shared moans and groans. Dean pulled closer to Castiel and began rutting his own neglected length in slow circles against the doctor's pointy hip. It took Cas a few moments to get with the program and adjusted himself so that his cock was lined up with Dean's and began stroking both girthy cocks together.  
It was then that he heard the bathroom door creak and what sounded like someone pressing their weight against the door’s frame.  
Castiel opened his eyes while keeping his lips on Dean's to see Josie, ever the voyeur, observing them with her head thrown back against the door jam, loosening the belt on her robe to run a hand over her flushed chest.  
Cas nudged Dean's cheek to make him turn back and lock eyes with Josie.  
“You should join us,” Cas groaned, continuing to work his hand over his and Dean's joined cocks.  
“I’d love to, but we don’t all fit in the stall. Tell you what, you guys get washed up and have fun with each other for a bit, then I’ll finish you off in the bedroom,” she replied in a throaty voice.  
“As you wish,” Cas replied, kissing Dean more thoroughly.  
Both men threw themselves into their movements more theatrically now that they were aware that they had an audience. Their moans grew louder and their strokes harder and faster.  
"Mmmm," Cas heard a high pitched feminine voice moan.  
Josie lingered in the doorway with her robe tied loosely. Dean left the vinyl shower curtain pulled just so that the water wouldn’t drench the floor, but open enough that he and Cas could steal glances at Josie while they didn't even pretend to wash anymore.  
Josie's robe fell open enough that her firming nipples were visible as she ran a hand down her breast and let her fingers work down toward her thighs. She locked eyes with Cas as she began to finger herself.  
"Are you gonna fuck him, Cas?" Josie asked in a voice that was deeper than her usual speaking voice.  
Cas smirked at the debauched woman.  
"Dunno. Do _you_ think I should fuck him?" Cas challenged.  
Josie bit her lip in anticipation, "Y-yes. I think you should. Dee, what do you think? Do you want Cas to _fuck_ you?"  
Dean turned his gaze to the woman and couldn't help but smile, "Fuck, Jos. _Yeah_. Yeah, I think Cas should fuck me."  
Josie smiled lasciviously and moved quickly to pull a small bottle of Astroglide from a drawer beneath the sink and handed it to Cas.  
_I wonder if she's been using it to fuck herself with toys_ , Cas pondered with a grin, and a chill ran down his spine.  
"Fuck, him, but don't let him cum. Save that for me," Josie requested, leaning in to share a wet kiss with Cas and another with Dean before pulling away to let her lovers continue.  
"Of course, my love," Cas obliged.  
Before Cas turned back to face him, Dean was already prone against the tile wall with his legs spread wide. Cas knew that his husband had already been working himself earlier, but Cas wanted to make sure he was loose and slick enough to take him.  
Cas poured copious amounts of the viscous fluid onto his fingers and teased Dean's puckered hole for a few moments before gently sliding a pair of fingers in slowly.  
"Mmmm. _YesYesYes CasCasCas. Fuck._ Uh uh uh," Dean panted with his breath hot against the moist tile.  
Castiel kissed the crook of his neck and shoulder as he stretched him wider and carefully scissored his fingers into his lover and placed kisses on his temple as Dean murmured against the shower wall.  
After several minutes, Cas added a third finger and slowly tortured Dean with just enough pressure, but not enough to get him off. Dean thrusted his hips into thin air seeking out anything to relieve his need.  
"Cas, please. _Please_ , Sir," Dean begged with an emotional plea.  
"Just a little more, good boy. I don't want to hurt you," Cas whispered against Dean's ear as he slid a fourth finger in.  
Cas nuzzled his nose and cheek against the short moist hair on the back of Dean’s head and continued his ministrations and praise. The man against the wall whimpered and begged, fucking himself back on Castiel’s long and nimble fingers.  
“So good, Dee. I think you’re ready,” Cas said, pulling his hand from Dean’s eager hole to slick himself up with lube.  
“Please, _please_ ,” Dean whimpered mournfully.  
“It’s okay, good boy. I’ve got you,” Cas said firmly pressing his fingers into Dean’s hip to hold him steady.  
Pausing briefly, Cas looked over his shoulder and saw Josie was leaning against the sink’s counter with one hand moving slowly between the part in her half open robe and the other cupping her own breast as if to brace herself.  
Her blue-green eyes were practically onyx as she quirked her lips into a lustfilled grin and nodded at Cas to continue.  
Feeling a bit cheeky and confident, Castiel winked at her before returning his gaze down to see that Dean had moved his hands to hold his cheeks open for Cas.  
“ _Gods_ , Dee,” Cas whispered, watching the thick, glistening head of his cock stretch Dean open slowly.  
With his scruffy cheek pressed into the tile, Dean panted and whined his approval as Cas rubbed a hand down the dip in his lower back.  
“Oh, Dee. You’re doing so good. So hot and tight. _Fuck_. So eager and open for me, my love, my _good boy_ ,” Castiel encouraged as he pressed in inch by inch until he felt Dean’s muscular and plump cheeks flush against his pelvis.  
It had been a couple of weeks since he and Dean had made love in such away. They had been having too many issues as individuals and as a couple to truly connect in so intimately.  
But having Dean’s tight heat surrounding him like a hand in glove, Castiel felt at home, and he felt loved and wanted to show _his_ love for his husband too. He did so by wrapping his arm around the front of Dean’s chest and gripping his hand onto Dean’s shoulder all the while stroking his hair and leaving a trail of kisses along his neck and shoulder.  
“Yes, Cas. Fill me up. Miss you so much. Please, Sir. _Love_ you. Please. Fuck,” Dean rambled incoherently while Cas slowly shifted his hips into a dirty figure eight.  
On previous occasions when they had interacted in front of Josie, Cas and Dean had moved in such a way that they were putting on a show for her.  
This time was different.  
Castiel could tell that Dean wasn’t exaggerating his behavior in any way nor was he trying to perform really. His husband was truly debauched and lost in a fog of _need_ and _want_ , and Castiel was only too eager to oblige and give Dean what he needed-what they _both_ needed. This was a way for them both to reconnect after what felt like an eternity of distance and insecurity. It warmed Castiel with the molten heat of love to have Josie bare witness to he and Dean making love without any pretext, but in such a way that would still let her wringe pleasure from watching them.  
Castiel continued to press his chest into Dean’s back with the arm he kept securely around his pecks, and moved his hand from his husband’s hair down to his firm abs along his skant happy trail until he took a hold of his aching cock.  
“Uh uh uh,” Dean moaned in sharp and short little breaths as he threw his head back against Cas’ shoulder.  
Cas kissed the expanse of Dean’s bared neck and stroked him slowly as he thrusted his hips against his cheeks. They stayed that way, with their hips meeting each other thrust for thrust until the shower’s spray turned cold on their hot skin.  
A chill ran down Cas’ spine, and he didn’t want to stop, but he realized they’d used up all the hot water and had to get out of the shower.  
“Goddammit,” Cas cursed the tiny water heater as he stilled his hips, “C’mon, Dee. Let’s dry off and move the party elsewhere.”  
Dean whimpered as Cas pulled out of him.  
“I know, my love,” Cas kissed his pouty lips.  
Looking flushed and pink, Josie brought them a towel each and helped Cas dry off. On her knees, Josie positioned herself between Cas and Dean on the moist bath mat and took both their lengths in hand. Her red nails looks shiny against the purpling girth of Dean’s cock and shone over Cas’ slicked up length. She smiled up at her lovers with hooded eyes and bit her lip before placing a soft kiss to Dean then Cas’ cockhead.  
Both men wrapped an arm around each other’s sides as they shuddered at her touch. They stood a bit closer together so that Josie could line up the tips of their lengths to lap at the precum emanating from each of their slits.  
“Mmm,” Cas purred and ran a hand through Josie’s wet hair.  
“Uh, Jos. Fuck, baby. I’m so goddamn close to coming right now,” Dean admitted, burying his face into Cas’ shoulder.  
“Not yet, Dee. We still need to fuck Josie,” Cas practically growled as he looked down at the woman teasing both their cocks with her tongue and thick lips.  
Josie gripped the base of Dean’s cock like a tight ring, “Not yet, Dee. Please. I want you to fuck me and cum in my pussy.”  
“Shit. Okay-Okay, then we need to get this show on the road. I’m not sure how much longer I can last,” Dean said.  
“C’mon, Josie,” Cas held out a hand to help his woman stand up.  
As she stood, Cas pulled her close to kiss her and work his tongue into her mouth.  
“Mmmm,” she moaned into his mouth.  
Dean took ahold of Josie and Cas’ hands to lead them into the bedroom. He spun Josie playfully as if they were dancing and pulled her in so he too could claim her mouth with a searing and overwhelming kiss.  
“Baby, miss you so much,” Dean whispered desperately, slipping his hands into Josie’s robe to rub his hands along her lower back.  
Her robe finally fell open, and Dean ran the smooth head of his leaking cock against her hot nether lips making Josie take in a sharp breath.  
“Fuck, Dee. Mmm,” she mewled against his lips and rutted up against his engorged length.  
Cas watched them for a moment before gently pulling them both toward the bed.  
In a jumble of limbs, the merry little group moved toward the bed until Josie was laid out with her robe finally gone and Dean kissing his way up her thighs and slowly pulling them apart to lap at her clit and moist lips.  
While Dean lied on his stomach near the edge of the bed with his face happily buried in Josie’s pussy, Cas re-entered his husband. He held his cheeks open and slowly pressed in again.  
“That’s it, my love. Let me in. Open up for me. Doing so good,” Cas groaned as Dean’s breath hitched against Josie’s pelvis.  
Dean lapped at Josie’s entrance as if it was the most delicious nectar he’d ever hand on his tongue and sucked at her clit with moans and groans as Cas fucked him gently, but deeply.  
“That’s it, good boy. Eat her pussy out. Show her how much we missed her,” Cas said, draping himself over Dean’s back and stroking his neck and back while he worked his mouth over Josie’s dripping cunt.  
Dean wrapped an arm around one of Josie’s hips and lazily rested his head against the inside of her thigh to work firm and complex shapes onto her sensitive nub and part her pink lips open with a set of thick fingers.  
“Uh uh uh, Dee. Cas. Mmm,” Josie moaned as Dean fucked her with his tongue and fingers, “Feels good, but I want you in me _now_.”  
Dean moaned around her tiny engorged clit to extract just one more high pitched moan from Josie before kissing his way up her hip and placing slow careful kisses on her tiny belly.  
“Fuck, so beautiful, Josie...carrying our baby,” Dean murmured with his lips hovering over her skin.  
Cas pulled back a bit to let Dean reposition himself so that he was between Josie’s legs.  
Once Dean was rubbing the head of his cock over Josie’s opening, Cas pushed back into him with little warning causing Dean to push into Josie’s wet slit too.  
“Ahhh! Mmmm, Dean!” Josie exhaled with a bit of a shock, but also relief as if Dean was scratching an itch she’d had.  
His thick, muscular arms flexed as he kept himself upright enough that he wasn’t squishing Josie, but low enough that his hot, pulsing cock would stretch her pussy wide open. Each time Cas thrust sharply into Dean, it caused a loud slapping sound of his flat pelvis hitting Dean’s ass which caused Dean’s hips to further push Josie’s thighs apart.  
Josie fisted her hands into Dean’s hair and shifted her hips up to meet he and Cas thrust for thrust.  
Dean scratched up her neck with his two-day old stubble as he mouthed at her skin and whimpered short hot breaths in tandem with Castiel’s pistoning in and out of him.  
“Fuck, Jos. Cas. Mmm. Feels amazing,” he brought his lips to her ear, “I feel like I’m gonna hurt you though. You wanna get on top?”  
Josie caught her breath, “Yeah, sure,” she nodded.  
“Babe, let’s get Josie on top,” Dean said breathlessly to Cas.  
“Alright,” Cas took in a gulp of air and ran a hand down his half-wet, half-drying hair.  
In moments, they had arranged themselves so that Castiel sat with his back against the headboard with Dean sinking down on his cock and Josie situating herself between them with her back to against Cas’ chest and Dean’s straining cock stretching her wide.  
Dean placed his hands on the edge of the headboard to brace himself so he could rut up into Josie’s sweet, tight heat and fuck himself down onto his husband’s lengthy cock.  
“Yes! Keep doing that. Fuck, Dee!” Cas moaned loudly with one hand pulling Dean’s hip closer to him and the other cupping Josie’s breast.  
Cas sucked marks into the crook of her neck and left tender nips along her ear and shoulder. Conversely, Josie claimed Dean’s mouth with her tongue and bit his pink lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders to rock her hips down with each of his upward thrusts.  
Dean moaned and murmured incoherent pleasured sounds and praise against her lips with prayers of love and promises of future commitments.  
“Always want to be like this. Want to with us, baby. Gonna take care of you and Cas,” he nearly cried.  
Over Josie’s shoulder, Cas stole deep kisses from Dean and continued to groan out his praises for his lovers.  
“So good, Dean. Love you, my sweet boy. My handsome man. Not gonna last much longer,” Cas panted against the back of Josie’s shoulder.  
“Feel so full, love having you in me. Please, Dee. Make me cum. Want you both to cum with me,” Josie pleaded wantonly.  
“Getting close. Feels so good. You’re pussy’s so tight around my cock. Love how you stretch me open, Cas-Sir. _Pleeeeasee_ ,” Dean begged chasing his orgasm between both his lovers.  
“Cum, my love. Both of you, please. Fuck. Uh uh uh. I’m cumming too!” Cas said, thrusting up as much as he could with the welcome weight of both his lovers on his hips.  
Josie tightened her arms around Dean and bounced harder and squeezed her inner walls tighter to help Dean along.  
“Keep going. Don’t stop Don’t stop! Fuck! Fuck! UHHHHH!!!” Josie’s voice went into a high pitched squeal as a very powerful orgasm swept over her entire body.  
“Shit! Jos! Uh Uh Ah Ah AHHH!” Dean said with white knuckles gripping the edge of the headboard as he released all the pent up need and love he’d been holding onto into Josie’s pulsing chasm at the exact same moment that Cas filled his fluttering hole with warm, moist heat.  
The lovers braced themselves as they crested their collective orgasm together until each one of them began coming back down to earth.  
Slowly and lazily, they slipped apart one by one and flopped onto the bed.  
The trio had had a rough couple of days. Hell, they’d had a rough couple of months, so no one argued when they all lied in bed and cuddled underneath Josie’s thick quilt with the men framing her on either side.  
Dean molded himself to her back and protectively laid his arm over her belly. He placed kisses into her hair and whispered loving promises into her ear until he dropped off into sleep.  
Her bump pressed into the lithe curve of Castiel’s back. It felt different to be near her lovers with clothes on for once, but it was still familiar and welcome.  
She wanted to be cautious, but to Josie, they felt like a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Any pregancy/baby related stuff is mostly asssumption and some fudging NOT medical advice.  
> -Three's Company- an awesome 1970s sitcom about a guy pretending to be gay while living with two female roommates in L.A. I highly recommend it.  
> -The Sonny and Cher Show - 1970s weekly variety show staring Cher and her first husband, Sonny Bono.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Angst  
> -Mentions of alcohol as a coping mechanism  
> -Arguing  
> -Feels  
> -Vulnerable!Everyone  
> -Bottom!Dean  
> -Top!Cas  
> -Bottoming from the top  
> -Woman on top  
> -Anal Fingering  
> -Vaginal Fingering  
> -Blowjobs  
> -Frottage  
> -Shower sex  
> -Anal Intercourse  
> -Vaginal Intercourse  
> -Emotional!Sex  
> -Dirty Talk  
> -Cuddling


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, big decisions are followed through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feliz Dia De Los Muertos! Happy Day of the Dead!  
> I hope you all had a great All Hallow's Eve!  
> I meant to post this chapter over the weekend, but I didn't have a chance. This is a short and mostly transitional but fluffy chapter. The next chapter will be twice as long.  
> Thanks to Kay Corson and AstridBeau for their amazing beta skills on this chapter.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Enjoy!

The next morning, Josie awoke with a warm chest pillowing her head and a pair of arms wrapped lazily around her shoulders. The scent of frying bacon and the sound of Dean joyfully whistling a familiar tune she couldn’t quite place swirled in through the bedroom door that had been left ajar presumably by Dean himself.  
Castiel’s voice rumbled in his chest, _like oncoming thunder before lightning strikes_ , as Josie shifted in his grasp. When she tried to get up, he flexed his firm biceps and forearms to hold onto her tighter as if he was afraid he was going to lose her again.  
“Hey, Cas,” she whispered, lifting her chin up to kiss his jaw then pressing her lips to his ear, “I’m not going far. I just need to use the bathroom, and I need to eat a little something before Charlie starts getting cranky.”  
“Charlie?” Cas asked sleepily with a grumble.  
“The baby. She’s not a big fan of mornings,” Josie said, turning Cas’ face to hers so she could kiss his dry lips.  
“The baby?” Cas asked in a sleep rough voice, still out of sorts.  
Josie just giggled.  
“C’mon, Cas. I need to get up,” she said softly, gently removing the slumbering man’s arms from her shoulders.  
“Mmm,” he whined like a cat.  
Josie just laughed as he pulled the blankets over his head as she walked over to the bathroom.  
***************************************************************************************************  
Dean was too busy playing short order cook to hear Josie walk into the kitchen behind him until her little belly was pressing into his back and her lips were on his neck.  
“Hey, sweetheart. How’s the mother of my child doing?” Dean asked, turning his head back slightly.  
Josie blushed as she kissed Dean hard.  
She wound her arms around her lover’s waist just above where his sweat pants slunk down low on his hips.  
I still can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad, Dean’s heart beat happily, melting into Josie’s embrace.  
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, scrambling eggs on a pan while she stayed glued to his back.  
“I haven’t slept that soundly in months,” she replied, peppering his neck and shoulder with kisses.  
“Yeah, me neither,” Dean agreed.  
He felt a warmth and comfort in his chest that he hadn’t felt in years, but he recognized it as the blooming hope of something new and pure.  
Josie stuck her hand out toward a plate piled high with bacon and plucked a strip for herself and began gnawing on it behind Dean’s back.  
“Charlie’s hungry,” Josie said when Dean turned around to give her a scolding look.  
“You sure it’s Charlie and not _Josie_?” Dean smiled.  
Josie stuck her tongue out at him, and tightened her terry cotton robe around the top part of her belly.  
Dean warmed as he stared at the little bump below her robe’s belt.  
“Cas still asleep?” Dean asked while shuffling fluffy eggs onto three separate plates.  
“Um hmm,” Josie nodded, chewing on her strip of bacon.  
“I hope you don’t mind us taking over your place like this,” Dean told Josie, moving around the kitchen like he’d been living there for years.  
“Not at all. I’m just glad you’re here,” Josie pecked him on the mouth with her greasy lips.  
“Me too, sweetheart,” he smiled at her, “Why don’t you go wake up sleeping beauty, so we can eat?”  
Dean made room on the kitchen table, which had a couple of boxes on it, to lay the plates out for his lovers.  
A few moments later, Josie returned with a grumpy looking Cas and his epic case of bedhead covering his squinty eyes. Their fingers were intertwined together, and Cas kept nuzzling his face into Josie’s hair to keep the morning light out of his eyes.  
“Good morning,” Dean laughed at his sleepy husband and moved closer to give him a peck on the lips.  
“Hmmm,” Cas grumbled as he plopped down unceremoniously in the chair across the table from Dean.  
Josie sat between them at the to other side of the small square table.  
“So, I’ve been thinkin’,” Dean began as he handed Castiel a mug of hot coffee and Josie a glass of orange juice.  
Two sets of dark blue eyes looked up at him. Dean pondered how Josie’s looked almost gray that early in the morning, so much so that he couldn’t tell if their true color was blue or green.  
He cleared his throat to keep from getting lost in the sea of emotion that he’d happily submerged himself in the previous night.  
“Well, not sure if either of you’s been thinkin’ about this already, but we really should start makin’ plans to head back to L.A.,” Dean said, taking a forkful of eggs into his mouth.  
Josie nodded as she chewed on another strip of bacon.  
“Yes, good point, Dean,” Cas agreed with an extra raspy voice, “How did you want to go about this Josie?”  
“Well,” she took a sip of juice, “Most of my small stuff is packed. Only thing I need to take care of is my clothes and toiletries, but I figure everything should fit in a U-Haul trailer. Most of the furniture belongs to the apartment. Everything except the rocking chair and a few other pieces, but they should fit in a small trailer. Are you fellas sure that you have room for all this, for me, in your home?”  
“Of course we do,” Cas replied firmly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it in reassurance.  
“Yeah, sweetheart, it’s really not a big deal to move stuff around to make sure you’re comfortable,” Dean added.  
“Thanks,” she smiled, leaning in to kiss Dean on the cheek.  
“Okay, so we’ll head down to the rental office later and pick up a trailer,” Dean said, drinking his coffee.  
“You know, I really do want to go back, but if you guys aren’t in a rush, I’d like to show you around the city, at least just for today,” Josie suggested.  
“That’s a great idea, Josephine. I’ve never been to Chicago before,” Cas agreed.  
“Great. It’s only fair I pay you guys back for showing me around your city,” she sighed happily.  
“Oh, just one thing, I need to let both of you know,” Cas said, and it warmed Dean to feel as if they were all truly in a relationship together, “I was only able to secure a couple of days off, so I won’t be able to join you on the trip back. I’ll have to fly out to Los Angeles soon.”  
Dean and Josie both frowned.  
“Unless you want me to travel back with you, but that will mean I won’t be able to take as much time off during the holidays,” Cas stated unhappily.  
“I hate the idea of you flying back in a metal death trap, but I’d rather have you around during the holidays than being stuck working a funky midnight shift or somethin’,” Dean said.  
“Yeah. It’s going to be a little lonelier without you on the trip back, but I’d rather have more time with you later,” Josie rubbed a circle into the back of Cas’ hand with her thumb.  
Cas nodded solemnly.  
“Okay. I’ll be flying out in a day or two, but I’ll be there to help you unload when you both come home,” Cas stated.  
Dean was still too excited trying to wrap his head around the fact that Josie was actually going home with them to let his disappointment about Cas leaving get him down.  
************************************************************************************************  
After much consideration, Josie decided it would be best to pick up the trailer and begin loading it for most of the day then go out sightseeing in the late afternoon.  
When they’d gone to the U-Haul office, Dean had insisted on paying the rental fee. Josie had argued with him saying it was too much, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.  
“Just let me do this. Please, Jos,” Dean said, gently rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip as he cupped her chin with his hand.  
“Okay, but I don’t want you guys paying for all of my things. It makes me feel as if I _owe_ you something,” Josie admitted, crossing her arms under her breasts.  
“You don’t owe us anything, my love. We are...a _partnership_ now. What we have is yours, so please let us share it with you,” Cas insisted.  
“Alright, but pregnant or not, I still intend on pulling my weight around in this relationship,” she added.  
“Absolutely, but just let us help you get settled. I mean, we’re the ones asking you to come with us. If we didn’t live so damn far away, you wouldn’t have to do any of this,” Dean explained.  
“Dean’s right. Think of it as...an incentive, a perk of coming to live with us,” Cas grinned.  
Josie quirked an eyebrow at that comment. She didn’t really believe Castiel, but she knew that they both meant well.  
Because of her condition, Castiel and Dean refused to let Josie help them move any large items out of the apartment, not even a box that Josie insisted was not that heavy.  
“Why don’t you just box up all your small stuff? Let us handle all the big things, babe,” Dean said as he and Cas proceeded to haul a few boxes out.  
“Fine!” Josie had grumbled and sat on the floor, wrapping fragile items in newspaper.  
With Castiel and Dean’s help, it didn’t take as long as she thought it would to pack most of her items into the trailer. Everything happened very quickly, but Josie tried not to think about it much as they broke for a late lunch of leftover pizza pie.  
Other than a couple of pieces for her to change into over the next few days, Josie had packed all her clothes.  
After lunch, they put a few more boxes and large furniture pieces into the truck. Anything additional like clothes would be tucked into the Impala.  
Late into the afternoon, Josie decided that the best place to start was to take her lovers to the Riverwalk. She threw on a loose pair of jeans and well worn sneakers with a thick sweater that just barely buttoned up over her burgeoning belly. As she looked in the mirror after getting dressed, she felt so much more at ease at no longer having to hide her baby bump.  
When they finally made it to the Chicago River, Josie smiled as they all walked hand in hand with Cas and Dean flanking her on either side. The weather was turning colder, and it made her glad to have both men at either side to help keep her warm as they walked and looked at the tall buildings and compared them to the buildings in Downtown L.A. They marveled at the bridges along that river that split in half and lift up to let larger boats and barges float through.  
Walking leisurely, they came across an Italian bakery and picked up a bag of Italian wedding cakes which were just tiny, crumbly pastries with nuts that were covered in powdered sugar.  
“Many cultures have a variation on these,” Castiel stated, taking a sip from his paper cup of coffee.  
“Yeah?” Josie asked, wiping sugar from her lips.  
“Yes, there are Russian and Mexican variations as far as I know, and they are all fairly similar. Some people just call them tea cakes, but they are made for special occasions. Parties of all kinds, not just weddings,” Cas said, grabbing another tiny, round cookie from the white bag in Josie’s hand.  
“Well, whatever they’re called, they taste good,” Dean said, popping an entire cookie into his mouth making him look like a squirrel as he chewed.  
Even though Dr. Pam hadn’t really mentioned it, Castiel had insisted that coffee wasn’t good for pregnant women and suggested that she drink hot cider with her cookies instead of the yummy caffeine filled _juice of the gods_ she was used to.  
The wind picked up additional coolness from the river, and the trio could only tolerate strolling beside it until their bag of wedding cakes was empty.  
They popped into a nearby museum to try and warm up a bit.  
Security guards kept shooting them dirty looks as they had discussions about the artwork they were observing. At one point, Josie burst out in hysterical laughter at a painting where two men had to be bodily held apart because they looked like they were about to kill each other. The woman couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was so funny about it, but she laughed so hard that tears were streaming down her rosy cheeks. When Dean walked over to her, he started laughing too. It took Cas a moment to get it, but he also joined them with a hearty chuckle that grew into roaring laughter.  
Their cacophonous amusement rung out and reverberated throughout the marble halls of the museum causing many patrons to throw them perturbed and judgemental glances.  
They caused such a raucous, that one of the lovely security guards walked over to them and asked them to leave.  
**************************************************************************************************  
“I’ve never been kicked out of a museum before,” Cas turned pink as he laughed.  
The sky had grown dark and the wind was cooler, making Dean shiver with his hands buried in the pockets of his leather jacket. It was curious to see Cas in Dean’s worn out Led Zeppelin tee and jeans beneath the tan trench coat that the doctor refused to upgrade. The coat was doing a good job of keeping the wind at bay, but Cas couldn’t help but notice Dean’s discomfort.  
However, it was Josie who asked, “Dean, are you cold?”  
“I’m fine,” he said with a shiver as a gust of wind blew against his upturned lapels.  
“Infamous last words,” Josie smirked at him, “You know, it’s okay to be cold. We won’t think less of you.”  
“Stop being stubborn for once, Dean. If you’re cold, we should get you a proper coat or thicker long sleeve shirts,” Cas said, snaking a warm hand under Dean’s jacket to pull him in by the waist.  
Dean refused to spend too much on a coat he claimed he might not ever need to use again, so Josie led them toward a thrift store not too far from the river.  
There, to Dean’s annoyance, Cas and Josie went through the racks and tried on different articles of clothing like two kids playing dress up. It took all of two minutes for Dean to choose a decent coat and a couple henleys and over an hour of waiting for his lovers to run around and wreak havoc in the store.  
Josie did end up picking up a few pieces that were both stylish and functional. She complained to both men that Charlie was making her fat, and none of her clothes fit her properly any longer.  
“I hate maternity clothes. I don’t get why a woman needs to be relegated to a mumu just because she’s carrying a child,” Josie groused as she paid the cashier for the pieces she’d chosen.  
Among her items, there wasn’t a mumu in sight. Only large, flowy blouses and thermal long sleeves left over from a bygone era and lots of leggings and skirts.  
“I need to fix myself a few pairs of jeans when we get home,” Josie said casually.  
Dean flushed at the thought of Josie referring to the craftsman house in California as her home too. He was so overjoyed, he could have wept at her offhanded comment.  
“...I’m actually not a huge fan of skirts unless it’s really warm out, but it’s hard to squeeze into a decent pair of pants with this potbelly in the way,” she complained, rubbing her abdomen affectionately.  
“Well, I for one think that you look glorious. Motherhood suits you,” Cas kissed Josie’s cheek.  
“That makes two of us,” Dean pulled Josie’s chin toward him to place a kiss on her wind-chilled lips, “Honestly, I still can’t get over the fact that there’s a kid in there-the fact that it’s _ours_.”  
Josie smiled at Dean affectionately as if he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.  
“I appreciate it, fellas. I’m happy that I’m having your kid and all, but it is a little challenging to get used to the idea that there’s another human being in there. But I’m really not complaining about that though. I just can’t wait to get settled and set up Momma Colette’s sewing machine and get some elastic on these puppies,” Josie said, tugging at the little slack on her jeans.  
Dean and Cas had carried the heavy wrought iron sewing machine on it’s wooden platform down three flights of _fucking_ stairs to get it into the U-Haul, so he was happy that Josie was actually planning on using it.  
After their purchases were complete, Josie and the boys headed back to her apartment to drop off their bags and get ready for dinner.  
They decided to keep it low key and went to the diner around the corner that Josie had frequented often since initially moving into her building.  
Cas and Dean sat slack-jawed as they watched the still-gangly woman put away an entire double cheeseburger and fries, with room for a milkshake and a slice of pie.  
“Boy, you weren’t kidding about that appetite, were you, Jos?” Dean joked with wide, green eyes.  
“My stomach is a black hole,” she replied drily, sucking on the straw for her milkshake.  
Castiel just smiled warmly as he dipped a fry in her ketchup.  
After dinner, Josie convinced them to go out and watch a local improv theater troupe called Second City. Dean was a bit skeptical at first, but once she told him that it was the place where many of Saturday Night Live’s actors got their start, he was sold.  
The show started late in the evening, but the house was packed, and the performers were on point with their comedic satire and childish antics.  
Dean laughed so hard at some of the skits that he actually had tears in his eyes, and drool running down the corners of his mouth, making Josie and Cas laugh unbearably hard as well. All in all, they had a great date, and fell happily into their old dynamic of slotting together like puzzle pieces that were uniquely fitted for each other.  
After the show, they headed back to the apartment. With all the packing and moving and their excursions on the town, the lovers were beyond exhausted. They changed into their sleep clothes and nestled closely together in the sparsely decorated room beneath Josie’s thick quilt.  
Josie had told her lovers that the colorful and well-loved blanket had laid at the foot of her grandparents’ bed for many years, and since becoming pregnant, it had rarely left her own bed at night. It reassured her, and she was glad to share it with both Cas and Dean.  
************************************************************************************************  
The following morning, the trio awoke before the sun rose. Even though they were achy from moving boxes and furniture the day before, all three were bouncy like children who wake up extra early to open gifts on Christmas day.  
Other than Josie’s suitcase, Dean’s duffle bag, and a few scant items that they were going to carry with them in the Impala, there wasn’t much left in the apartment to pack up.  
They all pitched in to sweep, dust and clean up the one-bedroom flat as much as they could.  
Josie felt a little bit melancholy as she looked around the empty space that she had lived in for so many years before she shut the door for the last time. With the turning of the key, it was as if she was shuttering away one chapter of her life and moving on to another.  
On the first floor, Josie handed her keys over to the landlord and shook his hand after he handed her an envelope with her cash security deposit back. It had actually been the deposit Philip had put down on the space when he had initially moved in on his own, but it was her’s now.  
Dean must have noticed the pensive look on her face as they walked out onto the chilly sidewalk. He pulled Josie close and kissed her lips tenderly as if to reassure her that she was making the right choice.  
Cas had to perform some skillful acrobatics to try and find a spot for himself in the full backseat of the Impala because of all the boxes and loose items that didn’t fit into the hitch. Josie carried a few boxes under her feet in the front seat, and when the car pulled away from the curb, she exhaled a sigh of relief.  
Dean drove the car with the U-Haul in the back toward the airport. Cas had to work a late shift that night to start paying back the favors he’d committed himself to in order to spend a few short days with Dean and Josie in Chicago. He had insisted that Josie join him on the trip back so that she could have some time to settle into the new living space by herself, but she didn’t want Dean traveling across the country by himself, again.  
Once Cas exited the Impala, the lovers took some time to rearrange boxes from the front seat into the backseat. Josie noted that Dean was having severe separation anxiety; he didn’t want to let go of the lapels to Castiel’s coat and kept bringing him close for whispered words she couldn’t hear and desperate kisses.  
In turn, Castiel kept rubbing Dean’s sides and cheeks to reassure him that everything would be okay.  
“Just call the hospital when you both get to your first stop,” Cas locked onto Dean’s worried green orbs, “I’ll ask them to page me when you call. I’ll be fine, beloved. You just take care of yourself and Josie.”  
Dean nodded and begrudgingly pulled away.  
“As for you,” Cas smirked at Josie before kissing her plump, cool lips then hugged her tightly, “Please take care of him, and come back to me safely.”  
“You don’t even have to ask, Cas,” Josie smiled.  
She really didn’t want to let go of the dark haired man either, but she knew that she needed to be the stronger one. Cas needed to get back to work, and she and Dean needed to hit the road.  
Castiel waved at them both as he walked toward the boarding queue.  
Josie rested her head on Dean’s shoulder as they watched him disappear into the corridor that would lead him onto an airplane.  
“I hate planes,” Dean muttered through gritted teeth with firmly crossed arms.  
Josie tugged at one of his forearms until he relaxed enough to hold her hand.  
“He’ll be fine,” she brought his fingers up to her lips and kissed them reverently, “C’mon. Let’s get some miles between us and here before I start getting hungry again.”  
Dean fought the smile on his face, but Josie caught the smirk that attempted to spread over his lips.  
“Alright. C’mon, sweetheart. We’ve got miles to go,” Dean said, wrapping an arm over Josie’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refernces:  
> Italian Wedding cookies- In Mexico, they're called "polvorones" which means "dusty ones" because of how crumbly and powdery they are.  
> Museum- Except for the getting kicked out part, my friends and I actually experienced something similar at a very popular local musem.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Schmoop  
> -Fluff  
> -Clothing Montage
> 
> Next chapter is halfway done! I hope I can post it before this weekend.


	10. On the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Dean and Josie go on a road trip to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Lovelies!  
> Sorry, I wasn't able to post this before last weekend.  
> I hope the length and stuff 'n things in this chapter make up for it.  
> Not sure if I'll be able to post this weekend as I'll be getting ready for PasCon :-D.  
> All the thanks to my beautiful betas @kaycorson and @astridbeau.  
> Mind the tags.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> P.S.  
> Bonus points for any one who can tell me the real world connection of the duo at the end and Jensen. ;-)

The trip back to California took longer than the journey Dean had undergone from the West Coast to Chicago.

Firstly, they had a trailer hitched to the back of Baby, and the Impala’s backseat was packed pretty tight. The added weight of all the items they were hauling forced Dean to drive a bit slower than his lead foot was used to.  
Secondly, he had a gorgeous woman with a shrinking bladder by his side. Playfully, Dean gave her a hard time about it, but he was grateful for Josie’s company nonetheless. He really didn’t mind stopping more often for her to use the facilities at nearly every other rest stop they came across. It was a small price to pay for having her along for the excursion.  
They ran into a little bit of traffic as they exited the city, but once they were well into Iowa, the road was fairly clear. It was a weekday, so there really weren’t too many other cars on the road. They stopped to get snacks at a gas station, but by the time they got into Omaha, on the border of Nebraska, Josie insisted that they stop for real food.  
It didn’t take them long to find a Biggerson’s. They stretched as they exited the car and hit a payphone before heading inside.  
Dean called Castiel at the V.A.. The call coordinator put the doctor through to his husband with little wait.  
“Did you decide to stop already?” Cas asked curiously.  
“Hey, babe. No, just gettin’ some grub. I swear with as much as Jos is eating, Charlie’s gonna come out the size of a linebacker,” Dean teased.  
Josie was standing close by and poked him with a faux angry scowl.  
“Just wanted to make sure you got home okay,” Dean smiled affectionately, hoping his husband could feel it on his end.  
“Yes, I had a good flight. It was quicker than it seemed. I was actually able to sleep for a bit, so hopeful I won’t be dozing off during my shift,” Castiel told him.  
“That’s good. You know how much I hate planes, “Dean tapped the coin return.  
“Yes, Dean, I know. It was perfectly safe. Not even any turbulence. It was very uneventful,” Cas reassured.  
“That’s a-that’s good,” Dean said, hiding his irrational worry.  
“How about you? How’s the road trip going?” Cas asked, crossing an arm over his chest and tucking his hand underneath his bicep.  
“Good. Can’t go too fast because of the hitch, but otherwise, we’re chuggin’ along. I can’t wait to be home already,” Dean admitted.  
“I know, beloved. I wish you and Josie were here already,” Cas sighed.  
“Yeah, me too,” Dean peered off into the distance, “You wanna talk to her?”  
“Yes, please. Call me again when you get to a hotel room,” Castiel requested.  
“Sure thing, babe,” Dean agreed and held out the black phone to Josie.  
“Castiel?” she asked with a smile.  
“Hello, Josephine. How are you feeling?” Castiel asked with a hint of concern.  
“I’m doing good. Just hungry and groggy. I’ve been sleeping a lot while Dean’s been driving,” Josie admitted.  
“That’s normal, and sleep is good for you. You should get as much rest as you need. Conversely, please make sure that if Dean looks like he’s getting too tired, you make him pull off the road,” Castiel asked firmly.  
“Yes, Sir,” Josie giggled.  
“Have you been doing the stretching exercises I suggested?” Cas asked.  
He had warned Josie about blood clots and how pregnant women were more susceptible to them especially when they didn’t move around for long periods of time.  
“Yes, I do them every hour I’m awake, and I move around a bunch whenever we get out of the car,” Josie nodded as if Cas could see her.  
“That’s good. Be sure to keep that up. I need to get back now, but please be sure to call me when you both settle for the evening. I’ll be working here until about 3am, so no matter how late it is where you are, you can call me,” Cas insisted.  
“We’ll be sure to do that, Cas. Don’t worry. Now go save some lives,” Josie demanded light-heartedly, and she could hear him grin on the other end of the line.  
“Safe journey, my love,” Cas said affectionately.  
“Thanks, Cas. We’ll be home before you know it,” Josie said and ended the call before it got harder to hang up.  
“Ready?” Dean asked, wrapping an arm over Josie’s shoulders after she hung up.  
“Yeah, I’m starving,” she said, playfully threading her fingers with Dean’s.  
Perhaps somehow Josie’s hormones had triggered something in Dean or maybe he was just missing Castiel that much, but Dean found that he was unable to keep his hands to himself. He convinced himself he wanted to reassure Josie with his touch, but really, he was feeling protective and vulnerable at the same time. When they were seated, Dean squeezed himself close to Josie on the same side of their booth. He worried that he might be smothering her, but she hadn’t complained yet. In fact, Josie also reached out and lauded him with gentle caresses and nuzzled her face against his hair or his neck at every opportunity she got.  
Even as they ate, they begrudgingly untangled their hands from each other, but still sat so that their thighs were glued to each other.  
After their late lunch/early dinner, Dean must have looked exhausted to Josie.  
“I know how to drive too, Dean,” she said, tilting her head and crossing her arms.  
If she wasn’t insisting on booting Dean to the passenger seat, he would have found her haughty incredulous smirk adorable.  
“I’m okay to drive, really,” Dean argued.  
Josie just huffed and rolled her eyes to the sky.  
“Look,” Dean put his hands on Josie’s upper arms, “I’ll tell ya what. I’ll drive for a few more hours, you sleep for a bit longer, and then if you’re up for it, you can take over. Deal?” Dean placated.  
“Fine,” Josie replied cooly, “So stubborn,” she murmured under her breath.  
“I heard that,” Dean pointed at her before hopping into the driver’s seat.  
Josie looked unamused as she fastened her seat belt, which prompted Dean to try appease her somehow.  
“Don’t look so glum, sweetheart. How about you pick some tunes for us to listen to?” Dean suggested.  
“ _Really_? Whatever happened to ‘ _driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole’_?” Josie mocked in a deep voice.  
“First of all, I do _not_ sound like that,” Dean said, raising a finger straight up in the air, “Secondly, that rule still applies, but I’m making an exception just this once under one condition.”  
“What’s that?” Josie challenged, crossing her arms under her breasts.  
“Don’t tell Cas. He’ll never let me hear the end of it,” Dean said, steering the car back onto the highway.  
Josie laughed at him, “Deal.”  
She bent forward to fiddle with the nobs on the radio until she found a station that was playing an Elton John song. Dean had heard it a few times, but not well enough to sing along to the lyrics about “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters”.  
Other than the radio playing a variety of songs, Dean and Josie rode in companionable silence.  
When the sun dipped lower into the sky and started to set, they were well into the heart of Nebraska, and the darkness made Josie shiver. She pulled the quilt from the backseat and draped it over her shoulder and torso. The way she was so attached to that cozy piece of fabric reminded Dean of Linus from the Peanuts comics.  
They carried on that way for a few hours. As the inky darkness fell over the road, an Eric Clapton song played softly on the radio. It had been spotty when they were traveling through the center of the state, and Dean had fumbled with the nobs to find a station that played any kind of music clearly enough to be heard.  
The soft, whiny guitar and steady drum beat, and the lyrics that would normally feel too cheesy on his lips, now made Dean’s heart flutter.  
_“I feel wonderful because I see The love light in your eyes…,”_ the song said softly.  
Dean peaked over at the bundle of scarlet locks and patchwork fabric that was Josie. He wished he could tell her things like that with a straight face because he truly felt them. He was head over heels for her, but he wasn’t a poet, and other than his snarky charm and flirtatious wit, he had a hard time expressing that openly, even with Cas.  
Dean felt flushed and it wasn’t just because of the heater he’d turned on without being asked. After he’d seen Josie shiver for the second time on their trip, he didn’t hesitate to make her feel as comfortable as possible. He knew that if she had opted to just take the plane trip with Cas, she wouldn’t be stuck in a not-too-comfortable car for the next two to three days. She’d be at home keeping their bed warm and keeping Cas company while Dean hauled all her things home. He was grateful she was close to him. Even if she was sleeping half the time, it felt good having someone else there.  
As the song ended, Josie awoke groggily with a yawn.  
“Where are we?” she asked, rubbing her eyes with a stretch.  
“Still in Nebraska, but I’m thinkin’ another hour or two and we’ll be crossing into Colorado,” Dean said, unable to hold back a yawn and watering eyes.  
“We should stop for the night soon,” Josie suggested in a sleep-hoarse voice.  
Dean nodded in agreement.  
“Yeah, but I’d like to get a few more hours of driving time in. We should be able to bed down in Denver,” he said, shifting in his seat, forcing his road-tired eyes open.  
“Dee,” Josie called to him softly and traced a pattern on his thighs pant leg, “Babe, you’ve been driving for a long while now,” she leant close to Dean and hovered her lips over his ear, “Why don’t you let me take over?”  
_Fuck._  
Dean wasn’t sure if he was more tired or horny, but he knew he’d do anything Josie wanted at that point.  
“Sure, sweetheart. Let me just find a spot to fuel up, and we’ll switch,” he said, clearing his throat.  
“Fair enough,” Josie replied in a throaty voice then pecked Dean on the cheek.  
*************************************************************************************************  
Nearly a half hour later, they stopped at a Gas ‘n Sip that was thankfully open. Dean fueled up Baby while Josie properly stretched out next to the sleek workhorse of a vehicle.  
Even though it was pitch black out, she was bright eyed and bushy tailed from all the napping she’d done on the trip so far. Her neck was a bit stiff from the awkward way she’d been curled up against the passenger side window, but she was just as eager to get to California as Dean was, so she wanted to keep moving.  
Dean was right to be reluctant to let her drive. It had been years since Josie had driven a car, but once she was behind the wheel of the Impala, it was just like riding a bike. Josie had at the helm for about an hour on the road before she was truly comfortable enough not to keep both hands at ten and two.  
Since Josie was only a few inches shorter than Dean, they didn’t need to adjust the bench seat for her to reach the peddles. The ansty woman was also thankful that the Impala was an automatic transmission vehicle and not a puzzle to drive like her grandfather’s only Chevy truck which operated with a manual stick shift.  
_That would make for an even longer trip than this already is_ , she thought.  
She turned the dial on the radio to find a station playing more upbeat songs, but kept the volume low to help lull Dean into sleep. As it was, he was too paranoid to sleep.  
It wasn’t as clear to Josie before as it was now that Dean always needed to be in control over things and take care of things and people. He had a hard time just letting someone else literally take the wheel and ease his burden. He sat rigidly next to her in the passenger seat as if he too was still driving.  
“Dee, baby, rest your eyes for a bit. I’ll be fine. Just get a little sleep,” she suggested gently.  
“I’m fine, Jos. Can’t sleep while the car’s moving,” he said, struggling to keep his eyes open.  
Josie pushed the quilt between them on the seat toward him, “Here. You can use it as a pillow.”  
“Jos, really, sweetheart. I’m-,” Dean tried to reiterate.  
“ _‘Fine.’_ Yeah, sure. Tell me one I haven’t heard before, Winchester,” she raised an eyebrow at him, “Just put your head down and try to relax. Everything is okay. I’ve got everything under control. Unless you don’t think I can handle driving a vehicle in a straight line for a few hours,” Josie goaded him.  
“What? No, that’s not it at all,” Dean argued.  
“Do you trust me?”  
“Yes.”  
“Do you think I’m a capable individual?” Josie asked.  
“Yeah, of course,” Dean said quickly.  
“Then let me drive, so you can get some shut eye,” Josie demanded.  
Dean grumbled to himself, but didn’t really argue.  
“You should really sleep while you can…,” Josie dropped her voice down an octave.  
“Oh?” Dean perked up curiously.  
“I’m pretty well rested, and I’m also really... _wet_. You don’t know how deprived I’ve been while I’ve been away from you and Cas. Do you know what it’s like to go to sleep every night in a cold bed feeling empty and unbearably desperate to be _filled_ and held? I even bought a new vibrator too, but...it’s not enough. You and Castiel have ruined me for anyone or anything else. Since being around the both of you again, all I can think about is making love to you...and the fact that we didn’t do anything last night, well, it’s left me even more _aroused_. What I’m getting at is, I’m gonna need some _help_ with that when we get to a hotel,” Josie smiled mischievously.  
Dean gulped, pressing his thighs together and balled up the quilt against the window before crossing his arms over his chest.  
“Goodnight,” he said quickly and shut his eyes.  
Josie tried hard not to laugh and kept driving.  
The woman kept her eyes on the road, but looked over to check on Dean periodically. At first, she could tell that he was feigning sleep; but after the first hour, his slack jaw, lax limbs, and the drool puddling on her quilt told Josie that Dean had finally, really fallen asleep.  
_Good. He needs to rest_ , she exhaled and kept driving.  
A cloud burst erupted out of nowhere and began drenching the car in heavy drops of rain. Josie had to slow down a bit because the road was getting slick, but thankfully the car was very well maintained by Dean, so she didn’t have to worry about lack of tread on the tires or worn out wipers.  
All the while, Dean slept soundly and snored softly into the fabric that pillowed his head. The rain caused the radio to get more staticky, so Josie turned it off after trying in vain to find a station with a strong enough signal for several minutes.  
Luckily, the sound of rain and far off thunder kept her sharp and awake. She hummed to herself and began mentally rearranging furniture in Cas and Dean’s spare bedroom.  
_Our spare bedroom_ , Josie chastised herself.  
Everything had happened so suddenly. She looked forward to living with her lovers, but she was nervous about how they were all going to integrate their lives and living spaces together. She had already decided to take the spare bedroom as a space for herself and the baby. Josie couldn’t see herself sleeping away from the doctor and their Adonis, but she would definitely need to have a designated area in the house for her things, like her clothes and her grandmother’s sewing machine.  
_That might not work there if we have a crib in that room though_ , Josie rearranged the spaces and pieces of furniture over and over.  
She knew that it would all have to be discussed with both men as well before anything got shuffled around, but either way, thinking about it was keeping her occupied while Dean slept and while the radio was silent.  
Once they got into Colorado, the rain let up, and Josie took her chances with the radio again. An Electric Light Orchestra song was right in the middle of a falsetto chorus singing about a “Telephone Line” begging for time, and it made her think of Cas. She couldn’t wait to settle into their imaginary hotel room and talk to their lover-their partner.  
Josie could almost see his giant blue orbs swimming in a pair of exhausted and droopy eyes beneath a mop of unruly, dark-brown hair. It hadn’t even been a full day, since she had seen the lithe and beautiful man, but Josie yearned for him. She drove a little faster hoping it would get her to him a little quicker.  
*************************************************************************************************

It was about ten o’clock when they finally arrived in Denver. They had made great time despite all their stops. The night was very clear and windy.  
If Josie had a better working knowledge of constellations, she’d be able to pick out quite a few from the twinkling patterns that dotted the inky sky. It was curious looking at the outline of tall skyscrapers with the scattering of stars overhead. It was very different from Chicago and much clearer than any night she’d ever seen in California. Even in Indiana, the only place to see the sky so clear was in the dead of winter in the rural areas like where she lived as a child. Still the clarity at this altitude couldn’t compare.  
As if on cue, Dean woke up, slowly rubbing a hand over his face and stretching his long limbs with a groan.  
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Josie smirked at Dean as she turned off of the highway and drove the car into the metropolitan part of the city.  
“How long was I out?” Dean asked.  
“Long enough for me to get us to our next stop,” Josie joked.  
“Man, I can’t believe I passed out like that for so long,” he yawned.  
“You needed it,” Josie told him.  
“Should get a room somewhere,” Dean muttered.  
Josie nodded.  
“I think I saw a motel from the road-” Josie began.  
“No,” Dean interjected, “No mother of my child is sleeping on a shitty motel mattress.”  
“Dean,” Josie began.  
“They’re horrible for your back, and if you’re planning on helping me drive, I want to make sure you at least sleep well,” Dean argued.  
“Fine,” Josie conceded.  
She was too tired from driving for four hours to argue with Dean.  
They found a mid-range hotel downtown that had a droopy-eyed receptionist at the front desk. Dean had grabbed his duffle and Josie’s suitcase out of the back of the Impala which he had dropped at his feet while he secured a room for them.  
“Hi, there... _Karen_ ,” Dean said, reading the woman’s name tag, “My wife and I would like a room for the night.”  
It didn’t take long for the older woman behind the counter to get a key for them.  
“Here you go, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. Enjoy your stay, and feel free to dial 0 on your room’s telephone if you need any further assistance,” Karen smiled at both of them warmly.  
Josie blushed and enjoyed the idea of once more pretending to be Dean’s wife. It got her thinking though how exactly she should refer to herself as in regards to her relationship with Castiel and Dean. As it was, there was no way for the two men to marry each other let alone for _both_ men to marry her.  
She was entirely too tired to try and figure it all out right then, so instead she followed Dean to the elevator that would take them to their room.  
Dean dropped the luggage in the closet area and proceeded to take off his coat and pull off his boots.  
“I feel pretty gross, I’m gonna take a shower,” Dean told her as he pulled his shirt off to reveal this broad chest and thick torso.  
“Mind if I join you?” Josie raised an eyebrow as she slipped off her shoes.  
“Sure,” Dean smirked, “Let me just give Cas a call first. Why don’t you get out of those clothes and hop in. I’ll be in there in a sec.”’  
“Okay,” Josie replied.  
She tied up her hair to keep it from getting wet and disappeared into the bathroom.  
************************************************************************************************  
Rapidly, Dean dialed the number to the hospital from muscle memory. It was well past normal business hours, so the hospital’s call coordinator picked up.  
After they paged Cas, a familiar woman’s voice came on the line.  
“Who’s lookin’ for Dr. Novak at this ungodly hour?” the woman asked with a pinch of snark.  
“Meg,” Dean greeted sharply.  
He knew that Cas got along pretty well with his colleague, to the point where someone might dare call them friends, but she and Dean had always been like oil and water from day one. Deep down, Dean had a feeling that Meg had been holding a candle for Cas for a long time, but Cas just couldn't see it.  
“Winchester,” Meg said coldly.  
_Ugh_ , Dean groused internally.  
“Is Cas around?” he asked, getting to the point and hoping that Meg would just hand the phone over to Cas.  
“Clarence’s busy. What do you want with ‘im anyway?” Meg asked, prying for information in the familiar way she always did.  
“Just callin’ to complain about one of his nurses,” Dean quipped.  
“Listen, sweet cheeks, don’t get snippy with me or I’ll-” Meg was about to threaten.  
There was a bit of a scuffle on the other end of the line before Dean heard the voice he’d been wanting to hear all night.  
“Dean?” Cas interjected.  
“Hey, Doc,” Dean sighed with relief, “Need to get your staff under control over there.”  
“Sorry about that. You know how she is,” Cas groaned, “Is everything alright?”  
“Peachy. Just callin’ to check in. We’re at a hotel in Denver,” Dean replied, twirling his commitment ring with his thumb on his finger.  
“Wow, you two got pretty far. Please don’t overextend yourselves. If you need to take an additional day-” Cas began.  
“No, babe. We’re still on schedule. Just got a little further than we planned. I’m thinkin’ we can stop in Vegas tomorrow night then head home the next morning,” Dean yawned.  
“Las Vegas? Is that a good idea with your recovery?” Cas asked.  
“Huh, hadn’t really thought of it. I was actually thinkin’ about $5 surf ‘n turf,” Dean replied.  
Cas laughed, “Always thinking with your stomach.”  
“You know it, babe,” Dean smiled.  
“If you think you won’t be overwhelmed with temptation if you stay there, then I don’t see a problem,” Cas said.  
“Honestly, I haven’t thought about it really. I’ve just been thinkin’ about getting Josie home,” Dean admitted quietly.  
“That’s great, Dean. Just stay mindful about it. Your relapse wasn’t that long ago, and I don’t want you to fall into a false sense of security,” Cas said with concern.  
“Babe, please. I’m not gonna-,” Dean tried to argue.  
“Dean, please. I don’t want to argue with you. I just want to make sure you stay aware of it,” Cas said.  
“Okay,” Dean conceded, “I’ll keep it at the back of my mind, and I’ll stay out of the casinos as much as I can.”  
“That’s all that I ask,” Cas sounded more relaxed.  
“Uh, there is one temptation I wanted to ask you about though…,” Dean started sheepishly.  
“What’s that, beloved?” Cas asked in a tone that let Dean know he could ask him anything.  
“Well, Josie’s been talking about being really, uh, _hot_ if you catch my drift. She’s actually in the shower right now,” Dean said quietly.  
Thinking about the woman soapy and wet and _naked_ was making his unbuttoned jeans tight and uncomfortable. He pressed the heel of his hand down on the base of his erection through his jeans to continue his question.  
“I was just thinkin’ about the fact that, well, it’s always been the three of us _together_ , and you and me never really talked about….,” Dean coughed.  
“You want to know if it’s okay with me if you and she...make love without me?” Cas asked for him.  
“I mean, I really want you here too, but you’re not here, and she is, and shit, I feel like such an asshole, but basically, yeah, that’s what I’m asking,” Dean held his breath.  
“Yes, of course,” Dean could hear Cas smile on the other line.  
“You’re sure?” Dean asked.  
“Dean,” Cas took a deep breath, “She’s going to be living with us. She’s going to have our child. Think of her as a partner. If you and I can interact without her participation, it’s only fair that we each be allowed to engage with her even when one of us isn’t there. Likewise, is that okay with _you_? If I were to….”  
“Make love to her when _I’m_ not there?” Dean asked.  
“Yes, that.”  
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Dean replied, and he realized that he was completely okay with both his lovers making love even when he wasn’t there.  
The only thing that Dean felt uneasy about was that he wouldn’t be able to watch them as they lost themselves in each other. In that sense, he was a bit jealous because he didn’t want to miss a moment of watching them and listening to the desperate sounds he knew they both made.  
_Then again, Cas is right,_ he pondered, _Josie hasn’t been there for like 90% of Cas and I being together, and there’s no way she would ever_ not _be okay with me and Cas making love without her. Right?_

“Okay, Cas,” Dean said.  
“Very well, my sweet boy, go on and be good for her for both of us,” Cas instructed.  
“Yes, _Sir_ ,” Dean replied, savoring his term of endearment for his husband.  
“You’re horrible. Do you know how difficult it is to do my rounds while I’m fighting off an erection?” the doctor asked.  
“Just want you to keep thinking of me until I get home,” Dean teased playfully.  
“Fuck, Dee. Get back soon and _safely_ ,” Cas replied quickly.  
“Will do, Doc. Don’t work yourself to death. We’ll be home soon,” Dean said.  
“G’night, Dean.”  
“G’night, Cas.”  
Dean stood up and stretched, letting his pants fall to the carpeted floor and kicked them over to closet before unceremoniously tugging off his socks and underwear.  
When he slipped into the bathroom, he was engulfed by steam and the welcome vision of Josie running a wash cloth over her breasts.  
“Fuck me,” he whispered.  
“Dee, you want to get my back?” Josie’s voice echoed as she smiled at him from the sliding, glass shower door.  
Dean nodded, and slid the door open to stand under the welcome spray of hot water. He took a moment to acclimate to the heat of the water loosening his muscles before he got with the program and grabbed the cloth from Josie and gently rubbed circles of soap into her back.  
“This okay?” he asked.  
“God, yes,” she replied in a breathy voice.  
Dean rubbed her lower back and hips as he moved the cloth down lower and moved closer to kiss Josie’s neck and shoulder.  
“Mmm,” Josie hummed happily, “What did Cas say? Is he alright?”  
“Yeah, baby, Cas is fine. Missing us,” he kissed the back of her ear, “He wants us both home already, but wants us to drive carefully. He worries a lot sometimes.”  
“I can’t wait to be home either,” she said, throwing her head back.  
“Just so you know, we talked for a bit, and he said it was fine, if we, uh, if you and me...if we wanted to... _do_ anything. He’s okay with it,” Dean whispered in her ear.  
“Oh. I can’t believe I didn’t think about it before. For some reason, I thought you both had discussed that already,” she said, spinning around in Dean’s arms to face him.  
“We didn’t before. Didn’t think about it really, but it’s okay. I told him, it’s okay with me too if I’m ever not around and you and him want to have sexy fun time,” Dean giggled.  
“‘Sexy fun time’?” Josie teased him.  
“Yeah, it’s, uh, a technical term,” Dean smiled then kissed her and wrapped his arms around her tightly.  
“Well, good, but for now, how about we wash up and get to bed. I’m tired, but I do really want to…,” Josie brought her lips to Dean’s ear, “...ride that...long... _thick_...cock before I go to sleep.”  
“Shit, Jos,” Dean said.  
He was standing close enough to her that he could feel the skin of her smooth and fleshy hip press against his hardening cock. Dean resisted rutting against her as much as he could, but began rushing to scrub them both up and get them washed up so that they could head to bed.  
After their shower, he helped Josie dry off before doing the same for himself and rushed to turn the heat up in the room.  
Josie was already laid out on the bed with her knees bent and her hand working at the tender, pleasure nub above her entrance. Lying with her back arching up off the bed, the woman’s little tummy was more prominent, and for some reason the thought that Dean had something to do with the fact that she was carrying a new life engorged the hell out of his ego.  
Dean dropped the towel that had been around his waist and dove onto the bed to lay out between Josie’s thighs. They were both tired, and neither really had the energy for teasing, so Dean began lapping and sucking at her nether lips and clit without preamble. He let his fingers slowly work into her tight crevice to make sure she would be wet enough to take him. Dean wasn’t disappointed.  
“Deee, please. Just fuck me already. I’ve been waiting all day, baby,” Josie moaned.  
“Okay, sweetheart,” Dean tenderly kissed her hip and nuzzled his face into the trim, auburn hairs along her public bone, “I just missed the taste of you so much.”  
“C’mon, Dee. I’m tired, but I need you in me like yesterday,” Josie said, tugging at Dean’s short cropped hair.  
Dean trailed his plush lips up the expanse of Josie’s skin, placing small kisses on her hips and belly as he went until he hovered over her. He held himself up on his forearms on either side of her head, and let his hips lie between Josie’s spread thighs. His pulsing cock lay heavily over Josie’s pussy, and he made tiny movements to tease at her clit and slickened lips.  
Murmuring praise and love over her lips, Dean didn’t hold back his affection as he caressed Josie’s cheeks tenderly with his hands as if he was inspecting her with a sense of wonder and marveled at how the moonlight from the cracked curtains caught in her darkened blue eyes.  
“So wet for you,” Josie huffed a heavy puff of breath against Dean’s parted lips, “So ready, Dee. _Please_ ,” she begged, shifting her hips up to press her moist nether lips against the length of Dean’s cock.  
“You have no idea how beautiful you are right now, baby,” Dean kissed her lips, then her jaw and neck, gently meeting her soft ruts with his own shallow thrusts.  
“Please, Dean. Please. I need you in me. I can’t wait any more. Need you _now_ ,” she begged, nearly crying.  
“Shh, shh. It’s okay, baby,” Dean stroked her cheek with his hand tenderly.  
He shifted his weight onto his right arm and moved his left down between both of them to help spread Josie’s lips open before grabbing the base of his cock and leading it between her parted and throbbing lips.  
The precum slickened head of his cock carefully pressed in slowly, and he held his breath as Josie’s soft, wet chasm invited him in and wrapped him tight.  
“Uh uh, mmm, ahhh, mmm,” Josie moaned with small, drawn out noises as she gripped her hands into Dean’s back.  
Dean felt the need to be extra careful with Josie especially since he knew how long and girthy his cock was. Playfully, he’d brag about it to his mechanic buddies, but when he was making love with another person, he wanted to be as gentle as possible. Dean always took great care when making love to Cas and now with Josie as well. He also felt the need to be even more tender with her now that she was carrying their child.  
When the coarse hairs above the base of his cock were finally pressing against Josie’s dripping and wide spread lips, Dean exhaled into his woman’s hair and groaned with relief.  
“That feel okay, sweetheart?” he asked, nuzzling his nose into her ear.  
“Dean, mmm, you make me feel so full. Fuck!” Josie whimpered desperately and dug her nails into Dean’s back to encourage him to move.  
“Ah! Fuck, Jos,” Dean exhaled hard and slowly began thrusting into Josie’s tight heat.  
“UUuuh, oh, Deee! Yes! Fuck, yes! That’s it, fuck me!” she growled like a woman possessed and moved her hands down to Dean’s bottom, grabbing handfuls of his meaty cheeks and pushed and pulled to make him move faster.  
“Harder, Dean. Fuck me like you mean it,” she demanded in a throaty voice.  
“Don’t want to hurt you, baby,” Dean argued, trying to keep a slow and steady pace.  
“Need you to fuck me faster, _harder_. C’mon, Dean, Fuck me!” Josie groaned.  
“Fuck, sweetheart,” Dean muttered against her lips and thrust harder, but still too tentatively for Josie’s taste apparently.  
With little discussion, Josie moved to flip Dean onto his back.  
_Fuck, she’s stronger than she looks_ , he thought.  
Josie straddled Dean and held his hands above his head as she made good on her promise in the shower to ride his cock. It was sloppy and uncoordinated, but the woman bounced up and down on his length fast and hard. Dean could feel the moisture dripping from her glorious cunt down his shaft until it pooled on his pelvis. Her soft, fleshy bottom slapped down against the top of his thighs, making it a bit hard for him to thrust up as hard as he wanted to.  
He adjusted so that the heels of his feet were planted on the bed and his legs were bent, and his cock met Josie’s hard thrusting pussy in kind.  
“Ahhh!” an unexpected, loud moan escaped Josie’s lips, and she pressed her hands into his harder into the mattress.  
“That hard enough for you, baby girl?” Dean asked with a lascivious smirk, “You like it when I fuck you hard, Josie? Here I am trying to be sweet, but you just want it rough, don’t you, baby?”  
“Yes, Dee! Fuck! _Fuck_ me! Harder!” she demanded.  
Dean dislodged his hands from Josie’s and moved them to her hips and grabbed on to make her move a little faster.  
“Shit, Dean! Fuck yes!” she groaned, “Harder!”  
He could tell that Josie was struggling to find something to hold onto, so he held her close as he shifted them both higher on the bed until they were close to the head board.  
Dean sat up and let Josie properly seat herself on his lap with her arms on either side of his head holding onto the headboard.  
He took the opportunity to tongue his way into her mouth and pull her hips close to his in a back and forth motion so that he could help her get him as deep into her sweet pussy as possible.  
“Oh my _god_ , Dean! Oh my god! Fuck! That feels so good! Keep doing that! Fuck! _Fuck_!” she said, white knuckling the headboard and letting her hips work with Dean’s hands to push him in deeper.  
Dean could hardly piece words together, so instead he sucked hard, violet marks into Josie’s neck and shoulders. He kept one hand wrapped around her waist to keep her moving in stride with him and used his free hand to cup one of her breasts and suck hard on her thick, pebbling nipples.  
Dean could swear he felt another wave of her pussy juices soaking his cock and he suckled on each of her breasts hungrily.  
“Dee, please, please. I’m getting close,” Josie cried in a high pitched whimper.  
“I got you, sweetheart. C’mon, baby, bathe my cock in your cum. Cum on my cock, baby girl. So wet for me. Fuck, Jos,” Dean said, sucking on Josie’s neck.  
“Deeeee,” Josie cried.  
“C’mon, Josie. Keep going, baby. I’m getting close too. Wanna fill you up. Make that pussy drip with my cum too,” he groaned in his lust addled rambling.  
Josie rocked her hips harder in his lap, making a louder, wet slapping sound and she thrust as hard as she could.  
“That’s it, baby. Fuck me! _Fuck yeah_! Ride that cock, sweetheart. That’s _your_ cock, baby girl. Shit, Jos! Jos, baby, I can’t-I’m gonna…!” Dean panted with gritted teeth against her shoulder.  
“Dean! Dean! Uuuuhhh! Shit! Oh god! _OhgodOhgodOhgod_! AHHHHhhhh!!!!” Josie nearly shouted as she drenched Dean’s cock with her deluge of pleasure.  
“Uuuuuhh, Oooh! Jos! Fuck!” Dean squeaked through a wide open mouth and froze as Josie’s clenched inner walls milked his orgasm out of him, and he emptied himself into her with wave after wave of pleasure.  
Josie rested her forehead on Dean’s shoulder, and they both giggled at how lost in lust they both were. She moved her lips to kiss his neck, and it made Dean’s skin sing with electric heat.  
_“I sing the body electric,”_ he thought of the old Ray Bradbury “Twilight Zone” teleplay.  
“Fhew,” Dean exhaled and wrapped both arms against Josie affectionately, “C’mon, baby. Let’s get cleaned up and get some shuteye.”  
Josie kissed his lips, and Dean helped her carefully lift off of his oversensitive penis. They both cleaned up and quickly burrowed beneath the blankets. Dean grabbed Josie’s quilt from his duffle and threw it over them for an added sense of security.  
Josie pressed her back toward Dean’s front, and he draped himself around her protectively.  
He could feel Josie’s hand reaching out toward the space in front of her which they both had instinctively accounted for. Dean could make out her hand beneath the quilt as it seemed to sleepily seek out something that wasn’t there.  
Dean held her closer and kissed her shoulder.  
“I miss Cas,” she uttered in a tight whisper laced with longing.  
“I know, baby,” Dean kissed her cheek and reached out for the hand that was searching for their absent lover, “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll see him soon.”  
Josie turned her head to kiss Dean and entwined their fingers together over her belly.  
“Sweet dreams, Dee,” she whispered.  
“Sweet dreams, Jos,” he replied, burrowing his face into her hair.  
**************************************************************************************************  
After a very hearty breakfast, Dean didn’t argue when Josie asked to drive for the first leg of the trip.  
The couple rode in companionable silence for most of the trip. For once, Dean was able to enjoy riding as a passenger and just watched as the snow topped Colorado Rockies gave way to open expanses of sand and cacti. As bossy and controlling as Cas enjoyed being in the bedroom, he prefered to have Dean drive, and Dean liked it better that way too.  
But with Josie at the helm, he felt unexpectedly at ease and found himself appreciating the way the autumn sun brought out the subtle hues of the earth that flanked the road.  
Even though they were pretty much in the middle of nowhere, the radio was still able to pick up some pretty strong signals.  
Dean looked over to see that after a few hours of driving, Josie leaned back comfortably and held the perforated leather covered driving wheel with her left hand. Her right hand sat between them on the bench seat, and she nodded her head to the music that played on the radio.  
As they moved further away from larger cities and into the vast Northern Nevada desert with the occasional large plateau in the distance, the only station the Impala’s radio was able to pick up clearly was a country station. The twangy music grated at Dean’s nerves, and it made him regret not having listened to his husband’s insistence that he install an 8-track player.  
_Sacrilege_ , Dean had said at the time.  
He couldn’t even consider altering his baby in such a monstrous way, but now that he and Josie had had to endure over two hours of “Stand By Your Man” and “Convoy” type songs he was sincerely reconsidering. He actually got a kick out of a couple of the sassier songs like “Harper Valley PTA”, but there was no way Dean would ever admit that to another living soul.  
When Johnny Cash’s “One Piece at a Time” came on, Dean not only nodded his head to the steady rockabilly guitar, but he actually started singing along to some of the lyrics about an automotive worker building a very unique car with stolen parts.  
Josie smiled at him.  
“I thought you didn’t like country, Dee?” she teased.  
“The Man in Black doesn’t count,” Dean argued.  
“Still country,” Josie raised an eyebrow above her sunglasses.  
“Okay, fine, but if I never hear another Tammy Wynette song in my life, it’ll be too soon,” he replied dramatically.  
“What about Dolly Parton?” Josie teased.  
“You shut up, Dolly is a national treasure,” Dean argued vehemently.  
“Yeah, I love Dolly too,” Josie nudged Dean.  
They drove on for several more miles with the country station playing low on the radio and only stopped once in a two horse town to get gas and prepacked snacks. They knew they wouldn’t be encountering too much more civilization until they got a lot closer to Las Vegas.  
After their pit stop, Dean took over driving again, and Josie bundled up under the quilt as they drove through windier portions of the cold desert.  
About an hour later, the signal for the country station finally gave out, and Dean encouraged Josie to look for another station. She settled on a station playing a soft Gordon Lightfoot song.  
“ _Really_?” Dean rolled his eyes and shot her a look.  
“I like this song,” she smiled, trying to convince him.  
“Fine,” Dean threw his hands up.  
_“If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell….a movie queen to play the scene of bringing all the good things out in me,”_ the lyrics of the sappy ass song were making Dean feel squishy inside and made him look over at Josie longingly.  
_“...if you read between the lines, you’ll know that I’m just trying to understand the feeling that you left…,”_ the song continued, and that’s where the lyrics and Dean’s emotions parted.  
It was a song about a lover who leaves from the point of view of the guy who’s been left behind.  
If he’d heard the song a week prior, he probably would have sobbed as he took a pull from a cheap bottle of Popov, but now with Josie by his side, the feeling of loss described by the song felt incongruent with the relief and joy that Dean was trying to allow himself to get used to. Dean physically shifted in the driverseat to rid himself of those nagging thoughts and feelings.  
“You know, I don’t get it,” Josie said, biting her curled finger as she stared out at the endless sky and landscape outside the window.  
“Huh?” Dean grunted more than asked.  
“Why are there so many songs about people breaking up because of a third person?” Josie asked.  
Dean deduced that she must’ve been thinking about it because the reason Gordon Lightfoot’s lover had left him in the song the story sang about was because she had gone off with another man.  
“...like in Jim Croce’s ‘Operator’,” Josie continued, “His woman leaves him for his supposed best friend. I find that sad. I mean, why can’t people just accept that they can be in love with more than one person at a time?” Josie wondered.  
“People are too jealous, I guess,” Dean shrugged, “To be honest, Jos, I really think we’re the exception to the rule. Not gonna lie, Cas and I can be pretty possessive, but it’s not because we’re insecure about our relationship or anything. It’s just maybe a different way of trying to protect each other from stuff or maybe we don’t want anyone else to take away anything from us.”  
“Did you ever worry that I would take Cas away from you or vice versa?” Josie asked, and Dean couldn’t really read what she was fishing for.  
“Uh, well, um, before we got to know you better, and Cas wouldn’t shut up about you, yeah. I was a little worried. I really didn’t think he would leave me, not after how long we’ve been together and all the shit we’ve been through, but I dunno, I was a little _intimidated_ by you at first,” Dean confessed, keeping his eyes glued to the road.  
“I would never do that,” Josie said in a serious tone, “Even with _this_ going on,” she gestured toward her belly, “I would never try to pull you two apart. I’m really not sure how this is all going to work long term, but it’s never been my intention to have one of you without the other. I want to make that clear to you, Dean,” Josie said, boring her gaze into Dean’s side until he turned to face her.  
The heaviness and trepidation that had crept up briefly disappeared just as quickly when he saw the honesty in Josie’s eyes.  
“Okay, Jos. I’m not really worried about that any more. I want us to all get settled and just be a...a _family_ ,” Dean admitted quietly.  
Josie scooted closer to Dean and placed a soft kiss on his cheek then rested her head on his shoulder. They sat that way comfortably for another long while until what sounded like an upbeat harpsichord came on the radio.  
The song sounded a little familiar and almost goofy to Dean.  
_“Love, love will keep us together,”_ Tennille sang.  
“No _-ho-ho_ ,” Dean shook his head, startling Josie and forcing her to sit up.  
Instinctively, she slapped his hand away from the dashboard before he could switch the station.  
“Hey! ‘Driver picks the music’! Remember!?” Dean argued.  
“I l _ike_ this song, Dean,” Josie gave him a death glare.  
“It’s a cheesy ass song,” he raised his voice.  
“Hey, I didn’t give you a hard time when those Boston songs played while I was driving yesterday, did I?” Josie refuted.  
“That’s different!” his voice screeched.  
“Why?”  
“Because it wasn’t god damn _Captain and Tennille_!” Dean yelled and quickly changed the station.  
Josie pressed her lips together tightly and sat back as far away from Dean as possible and crossed her arms as they listened to static for a few seconds.  
Dean looked over at her, and it hurt him to see her so upset.  
Without a word, he switched the song back just as another round of the chorus was kicking up. Dean sat back and let the _corny ass_ song play, but Josie was still pouting and staring out the window.  
“ _‘Just stop! Cause I really love you’_ ,” Dean sang along quietly at first, “ _‘Stop! I’ve been thinkin’ of you. Look in my heart, and let love keep us toge-eether’_ ,” Dean over exaggerated the lyrics until he could see Josie’s reflection smiling in the passenger side window.  
“ _‘Young and beautiful’_ ,” Josie turned around with a smile and cupped Dean’s cheek, “ _‘Someday your looks’ll be gone. When the others turn you off, who’ll be turnin’ you on?’_ ”  
“ _‘I will! I will! I will! I will be there to share forever! Love will keep us together,’_ ” they sang together.  
“ _‘Stop!’_ ” Josie sang, throwing her hands up in a stopping motion.  
“ _‘Cause I really love you. Stop!’_ ” Dean picked up the line and laid out the next lyric for Josie.  
“ _‘I been thinkin’ of you’_ ,” Josie replied.  
“ _‘Look in my heart and let love keep us together,’_ ” they sang in unison again.  
They finished off the song in fits of uncontrollable laughter that left happy tears in both their eyes.  
“Thought you hated Captain and Tennille,” Josie poked at Dean.  
“Okay, maybe I like them a _little_ ,” Dean conceded, “Not a word of this to Castiel! I swear to god, I will never hear the end of it if he finds out.”  
“Secret’s safe with me, _Captain_ ,” Josie winked at him.  
“Christ,” Dean gripped the steering wheel, “I’m so fucked.”  
Josie laughed at as Dean shook his head.  
*************************************************************************************************  
Josie had never seen so many lights in her life.  
Though it was breezy and downright frigid outside, and Dean complained about the cold air creeping into the car, she couldn’t resist sticking her head out the window to get a proper look at all the twinkling lights along Tropicana Boulevard.  
There was a reason Elvis had said that Las Vegas was a “city that doesn’t sleep”. It was nearly ten in the evening on a Thursday, and people were out and about walking the streets. The Impala had to slow down and putter down the street slowly to let boisterous pedestrians cross the street.  
Without consulting her, Dean pulled into the parking lot of a hotel and casino called the Sands. Josie grinned widely at her namesake. As a kid, Josie had fantasized about the swanky hotel and wondered what went on in the snazzy casino. It was the hotel that the Rat Pack used to perform at. Elvis, the _King himself_ , had even married his wife Lisa Marie in that hotel.  
Josie bounced with excitement and tugged at Dean’s arm as he carried their luggage toward the entrance. A bell boy immediately assisted them and placed their meager bags on a rolling luggage cart.  
As the double doors to the casino opened up, Josie nearly choked on the heavy clouds of cigar and cigarette smoke that permeated the atmosphere and served as an olfactory landscape for the unique plethora of perfumes and colognes that danced upon her over sensitive nasal passages. The sound of clinking coins against tin and joyful cries from gamblers in the casino area greeted the couple as they walked toward the lobby. The interior lighting was bright enough that it was challenging to tell whether it was day or night without looking toward the glass entry doors. All the noise and scents were grating on Josie's nerves. She felt as if she was on sensory overload and gripped Dean's hand and burrowed her head in his shoulder to do her best to tune it all out.  
The front desk was busy with people from all walks of life looking for a room. A salt and pepper haired man who looked to be in his early 40s greeted them warmly.  
“Just a room for the night,” Dean requested.  
“Of course, sir. Are we celebrating any special occasion today?” he asked hospitably.  
“Uh. Yeah, it’s our honeymoon,” Dean replied, winking at Josie.  
She smiled at him affectionately.  
The concierge brightened and grinned at the couple.  
"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs....?" the older man paused for their surname.  
"Novak," Josie replied quickly.  
Dean froze for a moment and stared at the red haired woman in awe. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her close to him just like a newlywed would.  
"Dean and Josie _Novak_ ," Dean told the man behind the counter.  
"Well, Mr. Novak, since it's our slow season, I can actually upgrade a standard room to our honeymoon suite if that would be acceptable for you," the older man offered.  
"Yeah, yes, absolutely. That would be great," he replied, keeping Josie close.  
"Here you are," the concierge handed them a room key, "I'll have Enrico bring your bags up to your room. Enjoy your stay at the Sands and congratulations on your nuptials, Mr. and Mrs. Novak."  
Josie blushed and ducked her head as Dean gently pulled her toward the elevator bank by the hand.  
When they got to the suite, Dean unlocked the door and playfully opened it for Josie with a grand sweeping arm gesture.  
" _Mrs. Novak_ ," he held out an arm encouraging her to go inside.  
"Thank you, _Mr.Novak_ , but isn't it customary for the groom to carry the bride over the threshold?" Josie asked.  
"My apologies," Dean bowed deeply, then suddenly scooped Josie into his arms with no hesitation and carried her inside.  
He walked over to the bed and carefully set her down before hovering over her and peppering soft kisses to her neck, making the woman laugh and squeal with joy.  
"Ahem," the bellboy coughed loudly to get their attention.  
"Oh, hello, my good man," Dean stood up quickly with a false air of grandeur.  
"Your bags, sir," the young man gestured to the closet area where he had laid out the bags for them.  
"Thank you, m'a boy. A little something for your trouble," Dean pulled a few bills from his wallet and tipped the youth.  
"Very generous of you, sir. My name is Enrico if you need anything else," the young man said before shutting the door behind him, giving Josie and Dean privacy.  
Josie kicked off her shoes and stretched out her entire length from the foot of the bed to the headboard and rocked from side to side. She watched Dean toy with the floor to ceiling curtains in the large room, and when he drew them open fully, they were met with a spectacular view of the strip of brightly lit casinos along the street below.  
Dean looked taken with the mirage of a city, and he couldn't look away. Josie hopped up and wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek as they both took a moment to admire the lit up color before them.  
They kissed and nuzzled each other for a moment then parted, but locked eyes as if trying to read one another's mind.  
"I wish Cas was here," they said in unison.  
Dean held Josie for a moment longer as they stared out the large picture window then tugged her to join him.  
"C'mon, babe. Let's call _Dr._ Novak," he smirked.  
Dean dialed the hospital, but Josie held the receiver this time and was luckily able to avoid any would be nosy interceptors, i.e. Meg, who Dean had already warned her about.  
"Novak," Cas answered the phone, sounding more than a little tired.  
"Hello, Castiel," Josie greeted seductively.  
"Josephine," Cas brightened through the line.  
"I'm here too, babe," Dean said as Josie held the phone between them.  
"Dean," his voice filled with warmth and relief, "Where are you?"  
"Vegas. Got in just a bit ago. We're about to head down for dinner, but wanted to let you know we've stopped for the night," Dean informed his husband.  
"Oh good. I can't wait to have you both home," he whispered.  
"Us too, Cas," Josie added affectionately.  
"How has the trip been treating you, Josie?" Cas asked with doctorly concern.  
"Not too bad. My back is a little achy...and my butt, but nothing to worry about. Nothing a little massage won't cure," Josie winked at Dean.  
"Just be sure to continue to do your stretches, and I'm sure you will be alright. Dean, how about you?" Cas asked carefully.  
Josie had a feeling she knew what Cas was trying to cryptically ask.  
"Peachy, babe. Haven't had a drop, and I don't intend to. Plus, I forgot how much casinos stink like cigarettes, so you can be sure we won't be hanging out down there," Dean reassured.  
"Well, good. Which hotel are you staying at?"  
"The Sands," Dean smiled.  
Cas just laughed lightly on the other end understanding that it was funny because of Josie's name.  
"I would love to stay on the line and chat longer, but I have to get back to a few patients," Cas said.  
"Okay, babe. Try not to work too hard, and if you need us, you can just call Mr. and Mrs. _Novak's_ room," Dean smiled.  
"Ha! _Really_!?" Castiel exclaimed with flattery and amusement.  
"Yes, _Dr. Novak_. It was my idea. We figured it was a way of having you here in spirit," Josie explained.  
"That was very sweet of you, my love. One day, we must all go on a proper vacation together," he sighed.  
"We will, babe. Get back to work. We'll call you before we head home tomorrow," Dean replied.  
"Love you both," he said.  
"Love you too," Dean and Josie replied.  
After considering ordering room service for a few minutes, the pair tidied up their appearance and made their way to the hotel's steak house restaurant.  
They ate their fill then headed right back to their suite.  
Josie wished they both would have had more energy to go out dancing or watch the Wayne Newton show, but the California king bed was calling both of them near.  
Josie cranked up the heater until they could both walk around the bedroom area in the nude without so much as a chill.  
They rubbed against each other, skin-to-skin, for an endless amount of time and kissed and whispered sweet nothings over each other's lips for several moments until the need had built up in both of them. They had thrown the rooms curtains open so that the city might watch as they devoured each other whole.  
Josie faced the window and propped herself on all fours on the bed, enticing Dean to fuck her already. There was no teasing at all. The woman was wet and ready, so Dean knelt behind her and began to press the flared smooth head of his cock against her engorged lips.  
"This what you want, sweetheart? Hmm?" he asked, nudging his way inside and bending forward to whisper in Josie's ear.  
"Yes, Dean. Please. Stretch my pussy open. Want to feel you deep inside me, baby. Please," Josie begged.  
"Fuck," Dean growled in her ear as he pushed further inside.  
"I want it hard, Dean. _Hard and fast_. Please, Dee, _my Dean_. Need you to fuck me. Fill me up," she whimpered.  
"I got you, sweetheart," Dean kissed her shoulder,"I got you, _my sweet girl_."  
Dean snapped his hips and began to set a faster rhythm, making the continual joining of their skin ring throughout the cavernous suite. He held himself up on his knees and held onto Josie's round hips to fuck her harder and faster.  
"Fuck yes! That's it. Fuck me like you mean it, Dean!" Josie demanded and shoved her hips back against Dean's thrusts, "Pull my hair."  
"What? Sweetheart, I don't want to hurt you," Dean replied tentatively.  
"You do something I don't like, I'll say 'red'," Josie replied matter-of-factly.  
"Okay, baby," Dean agreed.  
He pulled on her hair without too much force behind it, but enough that Josie arched up and pressed her back to his chest while he rutted into her. Dean's stubble framed lips against her neck set her skin on fire, forcing Josie to stumble back on the bed onto her hands and knees. She pressed against the mattress hard to push back against Dean and meet each of his punishing thrusts.  
"Dee, I'm gonna cum like this. Keep fucking me. _Keep fucking me_!" she demanded.  
Dean slapped his pelvis against Josie's ass harder and faster to help her along, and it was also making him reach his climax extremely quickly.  
"Just like that. Just like that!" she whimpered and opened her mouth with a cry as she was overcome with a powerful orgasm.  
Josie's inner walls clenched around Dean, and without any warning, she felt hot liquid flowing from her lover into her pulsing heat.  
She shuddered and trembled as they both worked each other through their shared climax as Dean pressed his chest against her back.  
After a few moments, Josie grew tired of propping them both up, and nudged Dean to roll off. They panted and lay there for several minutes before Dean grabbed a warm, wet cloth to clean them both up and shut the curtains so the sun wouldn't wake them too early.  
The next morning, they stumbled downstairs for breakfast and checked out to hit the road.  
In a few short hours, they would finally be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Songs mentioned (let me know if I missed any).  
> *"Mona Lisasand Mad Hatters" by Elton John  
> *"Telephone Line" by ELO (Electric Light Orchestra)  
> *"Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton  
> *"Stand By Your Man" by Tammy Wynette  
> *"Convoy" by C.W. McCall  
> *"Harper Valley PTA" by Jeannie C. Riley  
> *"One Piece at a Time" by Johnny Cash aka The Man in Black  
> *"Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain and Tennielle (Do you know that link between this 1970s duo and Jensen Ackles?)  
> -Dolly Parton - a national treasure.  
> -The Sands Hotel - used to be a popular hotel in Las Vegas where the Rat Pack (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, & Joey Bishop), and yes, Elvis Presley did marry Lisa Marie there.  
> -Casinos in Vegas - purposely make it hard to tell if it's day or night to keep people inside and gambling longer.  
> -Blood clots - I'm not a medical professional, but I know that being sedintary can increase the risk of clots.
> 
> TAGS:  
> -Road tripppin'  
> -Fluff  
> -SCHMOOPY!!!!!  
> -Discussion of polyamorous relationship arragngements.  
> -Some angst.  
> -Brief discssion about relapse and triggers.  
> -Pregnant Sex  
> -Showering together  
> -Oral Sex  
> -Vaginal Fingering  
> -Some frottage  
> -Hetero intercourse  
> -Marking  
> -Mouthy Bottom!Josie  
> -Top!Dean
> 
> The next chapter will be the last one in Autumn Breeze, but do not fret! The story will pick p again in "Winter Winds". Thanks for reading!


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, everybody comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello My Beauties,  
> I apologize for being away so long. Unfortunately, a little thing called life got in the way of my sporatic posting schedule.   
> I was going to post this yesterday, but I was not in the best place mentally due to local events going on here. I am still very upset about everything that happened, but I am fighting back by doing what I can. As miniscule as it might be, I'm posting this chapter as a protest against violence and as a bit of an homage to those who didn't make it home yesterday.
> 
> This is the last chapter in Autumn Breeze, but I hope you'll follow me and our favorite OT3 for Winter Winds.   
> That first chapter is written and currently being edited. I hope to post it tomorrow night.  
> All the thanks to my Sammy @kay corson for her help on this chapter and special mentions for @astridbeau and @magicmuser for their beta skills on earlier chapters.   
> As usual, tags and references at the end.  
> I hope you all are well. Enjoy.  
> Thank You for reading.

Though Castiel had worked another awkward second shift, and his mental and physical exhaustion weighed him down to his bones, the tired doctor couldn’t sleep after he arrived home in the wee hours on Friday morning. Not only was the house cold due to autumn finally putting down roots for a few weeks, but also because there was no one else inside those four walls to make the craftsman house a _home_.  
On his short trip from the hospital, his golden Lincoln chugged from the V.A. to Pasadena, and the radio had taunted him with a Steely Dan song.  
_“When Josie comes home to stay, we’re gonna park on the street, sleep on the beach and make it...She’s the best friend we ever had. She’s the raw flame, The live wire, She prays like a Roman with her eyes on fire...When Josie comes home….”_  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Castiel asked the song that seemed to mock him.  
It was bad enough that he was beyond anxious to have Dean and Josie home for good, and now that they were so close, yet still so far, that _fucking_ song had to rub it in.  
It upset him, but he still refused to change the station or turn off the radio. Instead he let the song play and drove home a little faster.  
When the overworked man finally arrived home, he had slipped the shoes off of his achy feet near the doorway into the house and shrugged his tan trench coat off before he trudged to the master bathroom and kicked on the thermador heater to take the chill off of the tile floored room.  
He washed away the stress of running from hospital room to hospital room and analysis after analysis of best practices for taking care of one ailment after another.  
Initially, Castiel had welcomed the onslaught of cases that came across his purview over the previous two days because it helped keep his mind occupied on things other than worrying about whether or not the Impala had blown out a tire on the road or whether or not the road was too slick for Dean to keep the vehicle on the road.  
His lovers’ periodic calls to him throughout the previous two days had given Castiel some relief. However, when Dean had asked him _so timidly_ if it would be okay for him to make love with Josie, it gave Castiel pause for a split second before he realized that he had actually been hoping that Dean and Josie would make love to each other while they were away from him. He wanted to make sure that neither of his lovers felt neglected because Castiel couldn’t be present, but he also wanted them to genuinely connect with each other without him being a distraction for them. Cas also hoped that, at some point, he and Josie could do the same once everyone was home and settled.  
After that particular phone call, the good doctor had run to find the nearest room with a lock he could find. The idea of his _sweet boy_ running off the phone and jumping into the shower to soap up their very own glorious vixen, made Cas’ heart pound hard against his sternum and caused his dress pants to tighten. Luckily, his white doctor’s coat helped cover the prominent outline of his aching cock, thickening with need. He could have gone to his office, it had a lock after all, but Cas knew that, though the unfortunate erection had come on in record time, there was no way he would be able to walk with it for very long, nor would it be going down without literally taking matters into his own hand.  
As he sought a private refuge, a few shift nurses stopped him to ask about treatments for one patient or another as he hurriedly walked down an unbearably busy hall. He answered their rapid fire questions as best he could in his lust fogged state before ducking into a little used corridor that led to a shutdown wing of that floor. Castiel looked around and stuck his neck out to make sure no one saw him slip into one of the supply closets that lined the hallway.  
Fortunately, the door had a lock which he made use of as soon as the door was closed. The room was small, cramped, and musty from disuse. They stored extra linens and pillows for the beds there, so it luckily only smelled like fabric and not chemicals.  
Castiel wasted little time shucking off his hospital coat and hung it haphazardly from a rack holding neatly folded hand towels. Pressing his back against the wall, Cas flung the tongue of his tie over his shoulder, unzipped his pants, and quickly pulled his heated length from the painfully confining undergarments that had been restraining him like semi effective straight jacket.  
“Ahh,” Castiel exhaled when the sensation of the air from the stuff room greeted his newly liberated cock.  
The woven fabric near his zipper was almost too intense of a texture against the base of his erect girth. Cas wished he had the time to leisurely and properly palm himself as he thought about what his two little lovers were probably up to, but he knew that he still had another bout of rounds to do and nurses who would need more answers from him, so he had to hurry before he was missed for too long.  
Quickly, the worked-up man spit into his palm and slathered his hot length with his own saliva.  
“Uuuh,” he rounded his thick, dry lips in relief as he began stroking himself in earnest.  
He wondered if Dean had taken Josie in the shower.  
_Is he fingering her sweet cunt open right now? It’s a good thing she gets so wet when she’s aroused because it certainly helps lubricate the way for such a thick cock. But Dee, my sweet boy, he_ has _to make sure to open her up so he doesn’t hurt her. He’s always so considerate...so loving. Fuck, I’m gonna have to have him top me when he gets back. I miss his cock._  
Cas palmed himself harder and squeezed his long, elegant fingers from the base to the head and twisted his wrist firmly, using his tender foreskin to sheath his head as he jerked himself faster. His precum collected at the very tip of his penis, and he used it to slicken the whole head of his cock.  
_This would feel so much better if it was Dean or Josie’s mouth on me...or both-Fuck._  
He was overcome with the memory of Josie’s birthday when she had ridden Dean’s cock in an open field and both of his lovers had worked together to mouth at his cock.  
“Ngh!” Cas exhaled sharply and gripped himself harder and stroked faster.  
His whole body tensed against the wall so hard that he was afraid he’d get a cramp. Ignoring the tension in his exhausted muscles, Cas kept stripping his length at a punishing pace, shifting his fantasies from being sucked off by his mischievous subs to standing in a doorway and watching them just like Josie had watched him and Dean.  
He could almost see Josie bracing herself with both hands against the tiled wall in front of her and her flushed cheek pressed against the moist wall while Dean fingers her open or her impaling herself on Dean’s massive cock.  
_Oh, the glorious noises that woman makes when he fills her._  
Cas bit his lip fantasizing about his husband properly fucking the hell out of their beautiful lover and eliciting needy mewls and whimpers in between her loud and throaty groans. The doctor pinched one of his firm nipples through his dress shirt with his free hand and kept up a brutal pace with the other as he recalled the wet and welcome sound of his lovers slapping skin against skin instead of the lonely sound of his hand working his own precum between his foreskin and head.  
“Mmm, c’mon, Dean. That’s it. Fuck her pussy,” he muttered as if Dean could hear him, “So beautiful like this, Josephine. You both make such beautiful melodies together. Ahhhh. MMmff, fuck!”  
With the little consciousness he had, Cas leant forward to cum all over the porous floor between his parted legs, leaving thick and splotchy strips of white as he continued to fist himself through his climax.  
“ _ShitShitShit_! Fuck!” he groaned in a loud whisper as his pleasure worked through his flexed muscles.  
When he was done emptying his pent up cock, Cas leaned back against the wall again and took gulps of breath to compose himself and licked off the excess cum from his fingers, wishing it was one of his lovers doing so instead. Jerking off had taken the edge off, but he was far from sated, and, once more, he wished that his lovers were home already.  
He wiped up the mess he’d left on the floor and thought, _What a waste. That would have looked so much more beautiful on milky flesh instead of a gray floor._  
Afterward, he cleaned up and went to the restroom to wash his hands before returning to his rounds. Castiel smiled internally as he thought about the fact that no one would know what he had just done, and it exhilarated him, but at the same time, he wished that Dean and Josie were back so he could share his little escapade with them at home.  
The following day, Castiel had to will himself not to cry like a blubbering woman when his lovers had called him from that bright desert town to tell him that they had checked in under his surname. The gesture had warmed him from his toes to the tips of his ears and lodged a stiff lump in his throat that made it difficult for him to talk, and it gave plenty of ammo for Meg to give him a hard time about the lovestruck look on his face.  
“You two are really disgusting,” she had told Castiel in her familiar affectionate snark, rolling her eyes as he scribbled notes on a patient’s chart while she checked the person’s vitals.  
_Three_ , Castiel had thought, but didn’t feel comfortable disclosing that to Meg just yet.  
He knew that after so many years of friendship, she wouldn’t judge him. She never had, other than to refer to distasteful pet names for Dean. The doctor knew that at one point Meg had grown jealous of his husband because of their relationship, but after many years, she just kept up the banter with Dean out of tradition more than envy.  
But the idea that, yet again, he was venturing into a non-traditional relationship gave Castiel pause. He wasn’t questioning the validity of the relationship. _No, not at all._ He was more than certain about his feelings for _both_ his lovers and the fact that they too cared for him. What did concern the man was how to go about explaining things to people...especially now that Josie was pregnant. It felt almost like coming out all over again.  
_How will we define our relationship to our loved ones? Will they understand? If not, are we all prepared to cut those persons out of our lives if necessary?_  
It hurt Cas’ head and his heart to even consider no longer speaking to any of his brothers, or Sam, or even Ellen and Bobby. He hoped they’d all be receptive and accept their collective decision to have a relationship together and raise a child together.  
_But what about the baby?_  
How would they all lay claim to their child? Castiel felt that no matter who the biological father was, the child was _theirs_ , but _who’s name will go on birth certificate? Will the child be confused having more than one father growing up? And growing up with an unwed mother?_  
_Should Dean or I ask Josie to marry one of us to make it “official”?_  
The plethora of uncomfortable, but nonetheless serious, thoughts kept Castiel up until the sun rose that morning. He was finally able to sleep when the sun’s warm rays peeked in from the thick curtains in his empty bedroom. Cas was bundled up in several thick Mexican blankets to stave off the dipping night time temperature, but he really wished that he could cuddle up next to Josie and Dean. He could have turned on the furnace, but Castiel couldn't justify turning it on with only one person in the house. His exhaustion finally forced his heavy eyelids to shut, and he didn’t open them until many hours later which didn’t feel like that much time had passed.  
At some point, Castiel heard a ringing telephone, but he was sure he was dreaming so he didn’t even attempt to get up. In the somewhat conscious corners of his mind, he knew he had another shift in the early evening; fortunately, it would be his last oddly timed working shift before he would be off on Saturday. He’d made arrangements to have that day off to welcome Dean and Josie home and help them unpack because there was no way in hell he was going to let his pregnant _wife(?)_ haul around heavy furniture and boxes. Cas would be making up for his impromptu days off by working the next few Sundays which were normally his scheduled days off, but it was worth it.  
He supposed that he and Dean could have reached out to Bobby or Ash and Jo to help, but that would open up the door for a long conversation that no one was ready for yet.  
In his dance within the veil of sleep and waking life, Castiel made lists in his head of things that needed to be done that morning before Dean and Josie arrived. He estimated they would be home by about noon if there wasn’t too much traffic coming from Las Vegas which gave him more than enough time to sweep, mop, and prep a home cooked meal.  
Out of both of them, Dean was definitely the more talented cook, but over the years, Castiel had proven that he too could be a capable cook as well.  
Before the exhausted man could debate with himself any further about which meal would be best to prepare, sleep claimed him once more.  
***************************************************************************************************  
Castiel could have sworn he had only been asleep for fifteen minutes when the heavy, rumbling vibration coming from the driveway tore him from his vaguely defined dreams. It wasn’t until he snapped his eyes open fully that Castiel realized it was no longer early morning, but several hours later than he’d intended on getting up….and Dean was home.  
_Dean and Josie are home!_  
Instantly, he was fully awake and attempting to untangle himself from the stack of thick blankets that had been cocooning him most of the night. He literally fell out of bed and dragged a comb across the bird’s nest of hair on his head to no avail and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.  
Castiel had wanted his lovers’ homecoming to be perfect. He had wanted to dress neatly and greet them with a meal made with love, but now there was no time. Though his appearance was regretful, and the bags under his eyes weren’t helping his current predicament, the only thing he was concerned with was holding and kissing Dean and Josie.  
Wiping the cool water from his face with a hand towel, Cas stumbled out of the bathroom and into the hallway. Barefoot, he ran on the cold wooden floorboards towards the front door, unlocked it and threw it open to be met with Dean.  
His beautiful Adonis filled up the wide doorway, and he was backlit by a warm autumn sun that made him appear to be surrounded by a halo of light as he bent forward with his house key poised and ready to unlock the door that Castiel had now opened for him.  
Dean looked a bit startled at first, but once he locked eyes with Cas, his lips broke open into possibly the most beautiful smile Castiel had ever seen on the man’s face.  
“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted with a throaty, disused voice.  
“Heya, Cas,” Dean’s eyes sparkled.  
It only took a beat before Cas threw his arms around Dean and kissed him desperately as if his life depended on it. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and met his lips in kind and didn’t hold back how thirsty he was for the taste of his husband.  
After a few moments, Cas pulled away realizing…  
“Josie,” Cas said, regretting that he hadn’t even taken a moment to greet the woman before engaging in a knock out, drag out make out session in the doorway with his husband.  
The redhead popped her head up over Dean’s shoulder with a joyful grin.  
“Hello, Castiel,” she smiled.  
With his arm around Dean’s shoulder, Cas leant forward and brought Josie close to hug her with one arm and placed a kiss on her lips in greeting, softer than the aggressive way he’d kissed Dean.  
“Welcome home,” Cas told them both.  
“Missed you, babe,” Dean said.  
“Likewise,” Cas nodded, “I’m sorry I look like such a mess. I wanted everything to be perfect for your arrival….wanted to make you both a nice lunch,” he ran a hand through his sloppy mop of hair and braced a hand behind his back as he tried to explain himself.  
“Cas, it’s okay. I think we’re just happy to be off the road and finally home,” Josie said.  
Dean took her hand and led her inside the house. They milled around the living room and left the front door open.  
“We’re fine, babe. Plus, we know you’ve been working nonstop, so we weren’t expecting you to do anything huge for us. You are enough, Cas,” Dean said, pulling the other man in for another soft, reassuring kiss.  
Cas nodded.  
“Well, shall we start unloading?” Cas asked.  
“Yeah, sure. Let’s just get it out of the way now. I was thinkin’ we could get all the essentials out of Baby and put the bigger stuff and boxes in the garage for now. That okay with you, Jos?” Dean asked.  
“Yes, that’s fine. I can go through the boxes and such later, and we can decide where we can put all the furniture and larger pieces later. I know Cas has to go to work in a few hours, and I don’t want to spend our entire reunion unpacking,” she said.  
“Yeah, me either,” Dean nodded at her, then shot a suggestive glance toward Cas.  
Cas’ eyes went wide, and he quickly moved into action.  
“What are we waiting for?” Cas asked.  
Lightning quick, he threw on a pair of socks and sneakers and rushed out to the driveway to help Dean unload.  
Dean carried his and Josie’s bags into the bedroom and told her, “Make yourself at home, sweetheart.”  
“Yes, please, feel free to unpack your things and get yourself situated,” Cas added.  
“Okay,” she agreed and walked inside tentatively.  
It took much less time for Cas and Dean to unload the trailer than they anticipated it would. They’d have to move everything out of the garage at a later point in time, but they would have to rearrange a few things inside the house to make everything fit, but they could take their time with that now.  
When Cas’ stomach growled loudly, Dean raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Have you eaten today?” he asked.  
“Didn’t have time. I woke up late,” Cas replied.  
“C’mon, babe, let’s get some grub,” Dean said, placing a soft hand at the small of Cas’ back to lead him inside.  
When they walked in the house, it took them a moment to find Josie sitting cross legged in the middle of their bed with her hand rubbing on her belly as protruded out a bit. She was whispering something that Cas couldn’t hear, and he felt so melancholy for her all of a sudden.  
He could not imagine how much of a leap of faith this whole situation was for her. She was a single pregnant woman who was now living with two men she hadn’t known for very long, but she trusted them both so implicitly.  
In that moment, Castiel felt very protective, and he knew that he and Dean needed to do everything they could to keep her and the new life she was carrying safe and happy. The sense of responsibility weighed on Castiel, but he accepted it wholeheartedly.  
***************************************************************************************************  
Charlie had been pretty restless on the drive from Las Vegas to Pasadena. The tiny person in Josie’s womb had tossed and turned, and if Josie didn’t know any better, she would have assumed that the baby was stretching out and kicking whenever the woman felt that familiar flutter. It was a good thing Dean had decided to drive for the last leg of their trip back to California because she was uncomfortable enough just trying to sit in the passenger seat. She had rubbed at her belly as if to reassure the baby that everything was okay.  
Perhaps Charlie was picking up on her nervousness. The closer they got to that welcoming craftsman home, the more real everything was becoming for Josie. She’d never truly considered herself a commitment phobe, but the enormity of her decision was finally hitting her like a tidal wave. At the back of her mind, a nagging voice of insecurity crept in and told her that though Cas and Dean were very welcoming and accommodating now, sooner or later, they’d tire of her, and she’d have to start over from scratch.  
_I can do that if I have to...even if I don’t want to, but what about Charlie?_  
Even if they did want to end their relationship with her at some point, what would happen to the baby?  
_No way in hell is anyone taking my kid from me_ , she thought defensively.  
“You okay, sweetheart?” Dean has asked her when she’d started breathing hard on their drive through the desert.  
“Baby’s just being a hellion,” Josie replied breathlessly.  
Dean grinned and held out a hand to caress Josie’s neck as if to soothe her.  
“Don’t tell Cas, but I think she might be mine….I mean she’s _ours_ , and really, not that it matters, but I think she’s mine,” Dean said smiling shily.  
Somehow, that seemed to ease Josie’s mind and cast out the insecurity and worry that had reared it’s ugliness.  
“What makes you think that?” Josie asked, stretching her neck into his touch.  
“Dunno,” he shrugged, “Just a feelin’ I get.”  
“Well, if you wanted to, we could do a blood test after she’s born…,” Josie suggested.  
“Nah, don’t need it. I mean unless it’s just to see what her blood type is, but it really doesn’t matter if she’s mine or Cas’ because, like I said, she’s ours, regardless,” Dean took Josie’s hand and kissed it.  
***************************************************************************************************  
As the Impala slowly rounded the corner and growled down the street, Josie saw an unfamiliar, gold colored car in the driveway.  
No way is that fucking “Dolemite” looking car Castiel’s, Josie thought.  
“Do you fellas let pimps park in your driveway?” Josie asked drily.  
Caught off guard by her sardonic tone, Dean erupted in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.  
“That can’t really be Cas’ car,” Josie argued as Dean tried to catch his breath and wiped tears from the corners of his eyes.  
“Yup. We had it at Bobby’s while we were on vacation which is why you didn’t see it when you came to the house,” Dean explained.  
“I just don’t think I ever would’ve expected him to have a car like that,” Josie shook her head in disbelief.  
“‘It’s always the quiet ones’,” Dean told her with a pointed finger.  
When they finally got up to the front door, Josie was just as startled as Dean to see Castiel’s ruffled visage as he threw the door open for them.  
A warm joy grew in her chest and she stood back as she watched Cas’ kitten like scowl melt into relief and love. She felt nothing but happiness and tenderness as she continued to observe them as they kissed with unbridled passion and need.  
When those familiar blue eyes caught Josie’s, the woman both froze and melted internally to bask under the same affection as Castiel had bestowed upon Dean when he’d first seen him.  
Cas’ thick, dry lips tasted familiar and reassuring, and Josie wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him endlessly.  
When the two men began moving things out of the Impala and from the hitch, she felt like an invalid, sitting on the couch twiddling her thumbs just waiting for them to be done. It was irritating to say the least, but she knew that it was best for her not to be lifting anything because it could cause too much of a strain on her body, and she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize Charlie’s health.  
She paced the living room for a few minutes to try and stretch out her legs after that long trip. As if the child could feel its mother’s annoyance, Charlie was acting up again, tumbling around in Josie’s belly.  
“You’re killin’ me, kid,” Josie admonished the zygote.  
After a few minutes of restless baby syndrome, Josie made her way into the bedroom and sat on the bed. She took deep breaths and rubbed her bump and meditated on calming herself, hoping that it would help calm Charlie enough so that she wasn’t fluttering around as much.  
“We’re home now, kiddo. Everything’s fine, we’re gonna be okay now,” Josie whispered with closed eyes and ran her hand over her belly as if the baby could actually feel her caresses.  
“Babe?” she heard Dean nearly whisper from the doorway.  
Josie heard and felt him, and what must have been Cas, move closer to the bed.  
When she opened her eyes, both men were on either side of her. Cas bent over to softly kiss her cheek, and Dean half sat on his side of the bed to get his face close to her as well.  
“Is everything alright?” Cas asked her.  
“Yeah,” she replied breathily, “She’s just active again.”  
“Kid’s gonna be a live wire,” Dean smiled then kissed Josie’s hair.  
“Yes, I think she’s going to have all of us running after her,” Cas agreed with a smile.  
“You hungry?” Dean asked.  
“Always,” she replied.  
“Good. Trailer’s empty. I figured we could drop it off at the rental place and grab some grub afterward,” Dean asked, nuzzling Josie’s ear affectionately, getting drunk on her scent.  
“Sounds good,” Josie nodded.  
“Hey, in there. Are we good? We’re gonna feed your mom so you can get some food too,” Dean bent close to Josie’s belly and spoke to the baby.  
Both Cas and Josie began giggling.  
“Mmmf!” Josie exclaimed and held her tummy, “Don’t rile her up. I just got her to chill out.”  
Castiel kissed her cheek quickly and grabbed her hand to help her stand up from the bed.  
******************************************************************************************  
After returning the hitch to the U-Haul rental location nearby, the Impala felt a lot lighter. It actually made Dean feel as if a much heavier load had been lifted.  
_Like a sunny day after the rain’s cleared out_ , he nodded to himself with Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s “The Weight” playing on the radio.  
They only had time to stop by at the closest Lucky Boy Burger and take the food home. Dean and Josie had agreed that they wanted to spend as much private time with Cas as possible before he had to abandon them for his overnight shift.  
The trio gathered around the dining room table and enjoyed their first meal as an official family together. As usual, Cas stole fries from both Dean and Josie even though he still had a half-full serving in his greasy cardboard box.  
_Need to call Missouri and see if we can meet next week….gotta call Bobby...let him know I’m back and see how backed up we got at the shop,_ Dean rattled to himself in his head.  
He felt guilty for having dropped off the map, and he knew he’d have to make up for his screwing around. The shop had already been backed up with custom orders from when he’d gone on vacation with Cas. They were just starting to catch up before he fell off the wagon and started cutting out early if he bothered to show up at all. To top it off, they still hadn’t found replacements for Ash and Jo, and January was just around the corner.  
Dean felt like a neglectful boss.  
_Just like Nam all over again. I’m such a fuck up. How am I supposed to run a business if I don’t have my own shit together?_ Dean thought solemnly.  
“Dean?” Cas asked.  
“Mmmm?” Dean looked up.  
“What’s going on in the head of yours?” his husband asked cautiously.  
_Nothin’, babe. Just thinkin’ about how I’m a failure, and I don’t get why you and Josie would want me. And when Charlie’s born, she probably won’t think I’m a good dad either._  
“Nothin’, Cas,” Dean frowned and shook his head.  
“Dean, if something’s bothering you, you know you can talk to me too, don’t you?” Josie leant close to him and spoke softly.  
Dean took a big bite of his burger and kept his face neutral before he nodded seriously.  
“Have you spoken to Missouri since-?” Cas began.  
“Gonna call her after I’m done eating,” Dean interjected with annoyance.  
“Okay,” Cas replied, pursing his lips, not wanting to push harder.  
The look on his tired looking partner’s face made Dean feel guilty for being short with him.  
The green eyed man took a deep breath, “I appreciate it, but I think I’ll be fine if I just talk to Missouri.”  
“Fair enough,” Josie replied.  
Cas shot her a look as if to admonish her for letting Dean get away with repressing his feelings so easily.  
“That’s acceptable, but just don’t close yourself off to us. You’re my partner,” Cas said, reaching out a hand to grasp Dean’s, then he met Josie’s eyes, “ _Our_ partner. We are here for you, but you need to be present with us as well.”  
Dean worried his lip. Without a word, he squeezed Cas’ hand just enough to show that he agreed, but wasn’t enthused about it.  
They continued to eat mostly in silence.  
Dean continued to think heavily, but resolved himself to hold back his self berating until he could talk to Missouri about where it might all be stemming from.  
It would take all of them several days to process all the changes and emotions that were taking place. Dean fought the fear that things wouldn’t work out.  
_We have to work out._  
In his mind, Dean didn’t see any other option than to have a successful relationship with the two people sitting at the dining table with him. No way could he ever even imagine his life without Cas, and he’d already lived through a couple of months sans Josie, and it had been hell.  
_And baby makes four._  
The thought of being a father did make him nervous-anxious-but mostly, he already loved the kid and was eager to hold it in his arms, care for it, and protect it from all the bad shit Dean knew existed in the world.  
When they were all done eating, Dean gathered the empty wrappers and cardboard boxes and took them into the kitchen to discard them. He washed his hands and silently stood with his arms bracing himself up against the edge of the kitchen sink with his arms outstretched and his head hanging down.  
“Hey,” Cas whispered as he drew near to wash his own hands.  
“Hey,” Dean replied without looking back.  
Cas’ warm hands trailed up the front of Dean’s torso, and he laid his head on the other man’s shoulder.  
“You’re home,” Cas murmured into the crook of his neck.  
Dean threw his head back to accept his husband’s soft kisses and shuddered at how Cas’ stubble grazed against his neck.  
“I know you were only away from me a couple of days, but I missed you so badly,” Cas said softly as he nibbled on Dean’s earlobe.  
Dean arched his back into Cas’ touch. A shiver ran down his spine when his husband breathed against the shell of his ear and he wanted nothing more than to take him to bed. Dean spun around so that his behind pressed into the edge of the counter, and he pulled Cas close to him by the waist so that their chests and hips were flush against each other.  
“Cas,” Dean whispered like a prayer and kissed his dark haired man.  
Castiel clung to Dean and wedged his hands between the counter and Dean’s backside to clutch at him through his jeans. Dean threw himself into the kiss, letting his tongue claim Cas’ mouth making the other man groan with need.  
“Can’t leave you two alone for a minute can I?” Josie joked.  
She brushed passed them to rinse her hands in the sink as the two men froze next to her.  
“Don’t let me stop you,” she smiled, but they continued to look on at her in awe.  
She stepped back a bit and leaned back against the stove and nodded her head at them.  
“Please, carry on,” she smirked.  
Dean and Cas shared a significant look and broke apart momentarily to crowd around Josie as if she was a piece of meat.  
“Oh shit,” she gasped.  
“You’ve done it now,” Cas growled.  
Josie squealed happily as Cas and Dean pounced on her. She was able to slip away from them for a moment and walked quickly toward the hallway like a game of cat and mouse.  
“Josie, where are you?” Dean teased.  
He and Cas walked toward the hallway and split up to open all the doors in the hallway.  
“Josephine, where’d you go?” Castiel asked as he threw open the door to the spare bedroom, but there was no one there.  
Dean opened the door to Cas’ office, but she wasn’t there either.  
The only closed door remaining was a the one to the bathroom. Getting as close as they could and as quietly as they could, the two men made it sound as if they were walking away.  
“Maybe she went outside,” Dean said loud enough for her to hear.  
He and Cas stood still, and after a few moments, Josie opened the door and peeked her head out.  
Dean threw open the door completely, allowing Castiel to pull her out.  
“So naughty, Josie,” Cas tsked as he held her arms back.  
The woman was giggling uncontrollably.  
“We just wanted to play with you,” Dean said, approaching her slowly.  
She threw her chest forward so that her breasts pressed against Dean’s chest and Cas nosed at her hair and neck.  
“What are we going to do with you?” Cas said as if he was contemplating a punishment.  
Josie bit her lip and bated her eyelashes at Castiel, then at Dean.  
"Anything you want," she replied flirtatiously.  
Dean stood back for a moment as he watched Cas quickly lift Josie's arms above her head and balled his hands into hers as he pressed her against the hallway wall with his hips. Her round tummy forced Cas to crouch a bit so that his hips could press against her pelvis just so.  
"Uh," Josie let out an involuntary yelp as Cas grinded himself against her.  
Dean slowly let his hand trail from his stomach to his hips and pressed his fingers against the outline of the erection thickening along his thigh through his jeans.  
He loved watching his meek and grumpy husband go from sweet and loving to strong and assertive.  
Dean knew they weren't going to have much time to play before Cas had to leave for work, but he wanted to take advantage of whatever they could get.  
Though he'd thoroughly enjoyed making love to Josie one on one, it felt incomplete not having Cas there to interact with or at the very least to watch them.  
Castiel continued frotting his hips against Josie's parted legs as he turned to watch Dean touch himself.  
With a look, he let Dean know he wanted him to come near. Dean didn't hesitate to close the gap between them.  
Castiel ran his nails over his husband's scalp and tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck to press their lips together in a bruising kiss.  
"Mmm, my sweet boy...my _good boy_ ," Cas murmured over his lips.  
His other hand continued to hold both of Josie's wrists above her head.  
Out of the corner of his eye, Dean watched Josie's pupils swallow up all the blue gray of her eyes. Her flushed lips parted as she panted and arched her back to meet Cas' grinding hips, and her eyes feasted, watching the two men interact.  
"It's been too long, my love. I'm going to eat out Josie's sweet, juicy cunt while you open me up. When I'm prepped, you will fill me with your thick, beautiful cock, and then," Cas turned to Josie, "I will give you my cock over and over until my seed is dripping from your pussy lips."  
"Yes, Sir," Dean and Josie replied in unison.  
A giddy nervousness filled Dean's belly. He was more than eager to play. Over the years, he'd come to accept that he preferred bottoming for his loving husband, but topping was a treat and a privilege he enjoyed as well. In this instance, topping would allow Dean to watch as Josie came undone as well.  
With little hesitation, they made their way to the bedroom. Dean's empty duffle bag lay next to the bed, and Josie's suitcase was only half unpacked. It caused an inclining of concern to creep into Dean's belly, but he decided to worry about that later and gave himself over to the moment.  
Dean took a moment to run into the hallway to turn up the thermostat to kick the floor heater on. He knew they'd all be naked in no time and didn't want anyone catching a chill. When he returned to the bedroom, Cas was shirtless, Josie was topless, and Cas had her skirt rolled up to her waist. Her poor gray tights were torn open at the crotch where Castiel had his face buried.  
The dark haired man groaned and mmmm'ed loudly against her pussy, and Josie's hands flexed and fisted on either side of her head with her heavy, milky breasts straining as she arched against Cas' mouth.  
Dean quickly peeled his henley off and let his pants drop to the ground.  
With practiced moves, he kissed Castiel's bare shoulder and circled his broad arms beneath the lithe man to unbutton his pants. Cas held himself up on his forearms and kept suckling on Josie's clit while Dean pulled off his pants and boxers. Dean grabbed the Astroglide bottle from the nightstand drawer before kneeling at the foot of the bed to spread Cas' cheeks open. Softly, Dean spit on Cas' fluttering hole and wasted little time to lap and prod at the tight ring of muscle.  
"Fuck, Dee," Cas panted against Josie's spit slickened nether lips.  
"Don't stop," Josie demanded of Cas.  
Dean hummed and moaned as he buried his tongue in Castiel's hole. His eyes kept trailing up the expanse of the man's back to watch as his dark head bobbed between Josie's thighs. Her heels were planted firmly on the bed now, and she was thrusting her hips up to meet Cas' mouth.  
"Uh, uh, uh, yes. Cas, just like that. Mmm. Your mouth feels so good," she moaned, throwing her head back.  
Dean grew impossibly hard watching and listening to his lovers interact. Quickly, he coated his fingers with lube and warmed it before letting his fingers join with his tongue against Cas' hole.  
"Fuck, Dee. That's it, baby. Open me. Need you inside me," Cas rumbled and made loud licking noises against Josie's soaked pussy.  
Adding more lube, Dean pressed another finger into Cas' hole and scissored them to try and gently open him up. He kissed Cas' round cheek and wrapped an arm around his hip to keep his thighs far enough apart to add a third finger.  
Castiel braced his arms around Josie's thighs and leant further forward into her pussy as he bent his knees to present his ass for Dean and fuck back against the other man's fingers.  
"More, Dean," Cas demanded in a breathy voice.  
Complying, Dean added a pinky and worked to prep Cas as thoroughly as he could.  
"Uh, Cas!" Josie moaned, rutting her clit against Cas' plump lips and pulled at his chocolate colored hair.  
"That feel good, Jos?" Dean asked with short breath.  
"Need his cock, Dean," she whined.  
"I'm ready, Dean," Cas breathed.  
"Cas-" Dean was about to argue.  
"I promise, good boy. You did a great job. Now get to it," Cas ordered.  
Dean knew that Cas knew his own body well, but Dean always wanted to take longer prepping his lover because he was so afraid of hurting him.  
"Yes, Sir," Dean replied.  
Cas took a break from eating Josie's pussy to brace himself as Dean lined himself up behind him.  
Josie rubbed at Cas' forearms as Dean slowly prodded the head of his cock against Cas' slickened hole. The hot pressure was tight and welcoming, and Dean loved watching how his husband's pink hole stretched around his wide girth and how his cock began to slowly disappear as he pressed further in.  
"Uhhhhh," Cas moaned slowly and kept his head down against the comforter between Josie's parted legs as he accepted Dean inside of him.  
"Ahhh, fuuuuck," Dean exhaled when he was finally fully seated with his hips against Cas' firm bottom.  
" _Sofullsofullsofull_...mmmm, my good boy. Such a _good boy_ ," Castiel rambled.  
Dean kissed the crook of Cas' neck, and he preened under his dom's praise.  
"C'mon, Dee. Show me what a good boy you are. Fuck me," Cas said with renewed authority in his voice.  
Dean slowly began moving in and out of Castiel until he could speed up and fuck him faster and harder.  
"That's it, Dean. Just like that, my good boy. Split me open on that giant fucking cock of yours. Ahh!" Cas said, rocking himself back to meet Dean thrust for thrust.  
Looking down, Dean saw Josie desperately fingering her clit.  
"Cas, please," she begged.  
"Didn't mean to make you feel neglected, my love," Cas caressed Josie's inner thigh, "Keep rubbing that little clit for me, darling."  
Josie did as she was told, and Cas took a pair of his fingers and began running them along her inner lips without pushing in.  
"So pretty like this, my goddess of fire," he groaned and kept his pace with Dean's thrusts.  
"Please, Cas. Sir," Josie pleaded.  
"So good for me, Josephine," Cas said, teasing her entrance.  
Dean gripped at Cas' sharp hips and pounded into his ass harder.  
Losing his composure a bit, Cas slipped his fingers into Josie's pussy and let her rock down so she could fuck herself on them.  
"Good girl," Cas said, keeping his fingers still so Josie could fuck down onto them.  
"Need more. Please, Cas," Josie begged.  
"C'mere, my love," Cas said, shifting so he was sitting up on his knees.  
All the while, Dean kept up a steady pace, thrusting into his lover.  
Cas positioned Josie so that she was on all fours on the bed. Castiel gently placed a hand on her hip and used his free hand to rub the head of his cock against her very exposed and silky pussy.  
"Is this what you want, Josie?" Castiel asked in a dark voice.  
"Please, Cas. Please," she cried, pushing her hips back.  
"Keep still," he scolded and slapped her plump cheek with a sharp love tap.  
Josie yelped, but quickly forced her hips to still.  
"Are you going to be a good girl?"Cas asked, running the head of cock against her dripping lips.  
Dean's thrusts had slowed to allow Cas to toy with Josie's pussy.  
"Yes," she replied quickly.  
"Yes, what!?" Cas demanded firmly.  
"Yes, Sir. _Yessir_. Please. Need your cock, Sir. Please. _Please_ ," Josie corrected and begged.  
With no further warning, Cas thrusted into Josie's sweet cunt until he was balls deep and forcefully slapping his pelvis against her ass.  
"Uhh! Fuuuuuck!!!! Yes! Yes!" Josie moaned in a high pitch.  
If Dean didn't know any better, he could swear she was about to make all the windows shatter or at the very least scare the shit out of all the neighbors within a one mile radius.  
"That's it. That's my good girl!" Cas growled, gripping Josie's hips firmly as he pounded into her hard, "C'mon, Dee. Be a good boy. Fuck me hard. I want to feel it into next month."  
"Shit, Cas," Dean took a gulp of breath.  
Dean sped up his pace and pressed his fingers into Cas' hips with a bruising force to snap his hips faster and harder into Cas. His silky tightness squeezed and loosened with a familiar hold that Cas loved to cradle him in. Over Cas' shoulder, Dean could see that his husband was just holding Josie's hips without thrusting, letting Dean's thrusts propel Cas' cock into Josie, making her moan a tirade of unintelligible noises.  
"Fuck! Cas, you're so tight around me. Can't hold off any more. Gonna cum," Dean warned.  
"Josie, are you almost there?" Cas asked, rubbing a soft hand up Josie's lower back.  
" _Yesyesyesyes_! Cas please. Need to cum," she moaned.  
Castiel snaked his hand around her thigh, and she moaned louder.  
Dean could only assume that he was fingering her clit as Cas began pounding into her in earnest again. At the same time, he was fucking himself on Dean's cock. The dominate man was working between his lovers like a piston and losing himself to the pleasure they were both allowing him to feel.  
"Want you both to cum with me," Cas requested, "Gonna pump you full of my spent, Josie. Would you like that, good girl?"  
"Yes, Cas. Want to drown in your cum. Please," Josie cried.  
"Fuck, Jos. So dirty, baby girl. Cas," Dean groaned against his husband's neck.  
"C'mon, Dean. Fill me full. I want every last drop," Cas said pushing his ass back.  
"Uuuhhh, Cas!" Josie screamed, "NOW!"  
"That's it, sweet girl. Drench my cock in your love," Cas said, thrusting into her harder and faster.  
"Shit, Cas!" Dean said.  
"Uh uh UHHHHHH!!!!!" Cas growled.  
For a moment it was as if a nuclear explosion had detonated.  
All three lovers went silent and still as they came collectively as one. Dean held his breath and twitched as he pulsed a heavy load of his hot cum into Castiel's hungry channel. He felt Cas shake as all his muscles clenched to unload his orgasm into Josie's pussy. Josie was also quiet as she came and shuddered against Cas' cock, making Dean shiver as another small dribble of cum was milked from his cock by Cas' tightening hole.  
"Fuck," Dean exhaled as all three lovers collapsed on the soiled bed.  
Josie's laugh was muffled by a pillow and she shuffled as quickly as she could to place her sweaty self between Cas and Dean where she belonged.  
Cas ran a hand through his genuine sex hair. His chest rose and sank quickly as he struggled to catch his breath.  
Dean threw an arm over Josie's waist and rubbed her belly affectionately as he placed kisses on her neck and shoulder.  
"You're gonna get me riled up again, Dean," she warned, pressing her nude ass cheeks against his sensitive cock.  
"Already?" he asked.  
"Yeah, you think I was a fucking sex demon before? It's only gotten worse now that I'm pregnant. I'm just glad there's two of you to keep me satisfied," she said, teasing her sweat-slickened skin against his tender cock.  
"No pressure," Cas joked, moving in closer to claim Josie's lips, "You have a mouth on you, my love."  
"Wouldn't you rather have it on you?" she asked.  
"Fuck, baby," Dean kissed her neck.  
"It's the pregnancy hormones. They do strange and wonderful things to a woman's libido. I wish it worked on their partners too," Cas tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled up a thick blanket to cover his lovers, "I promise, tomorrow we can have some marathon sex, but right now, let's get some rest. I need to get ready shortly," Cas said, scooting closer to Josie.  
Dean stretched his arm with a grabby hand until he was holding onto Cas' waist.  
"No," Josie protested.  
"I know, darling. I don't want to leave this bed either, but knowing that you'll both be here keeping it warm until I get home tonight is the only thing pushing me to go so I can come back soon," Cas reassured with a kiss to her forehead.  
"I know, babe, but just rest with us for a little longer," Dean requested, caressing the back of his fingers against the small of his husband's back.  
"Ok, my love. Just a moment," Cas agreed, reaching out to cup Dean's hip.  
Josie rested her matted hair against his chest and Dean huddled closer as they all drifted off for a short cat nap.  
There were still serious things they all needed to discuss, but for the moment, Dean was able to breathe leisurely, knowing that his lovers were close and safe and that, for that one period in time, everything was alright. He'd worry about calling Missouri, and Bobby-and _oh, yeah, Sam_ -tomorrow.  
So much was about to change in all of their lives, but Dean didn't care. In that moment, he was content and his lovers were near. Together, they could take on anything that was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> -Steely Dan song is literally called "Josie" - I had never heard this song until I started writing this chapter. It kinda creeped me out how well it fit with the Breezes Verse. True Story.  
> -Mexican Blankets - The best ones are San Marcos blankets. They are thick, super warm, and typically have large images on them. I imagine Cas and Dean's has a Mayan calendar like the one I had as a kid. One day, maybe they'll get one with a lion on it for Josie.   
> -Dolemite - a 1975 Black 'sploitation film about a pimp.  
> -Lucky Boy Burger - a super yummy, small chain restaurtant in Southern California. 
> 
> Tags:  
> -Lonely!Cas  
> -Some Angst  
> -Casturbation ;-)  
> -Descriptions of sexual fantasies  
> -Insecurity/Worry/Doubt  
> -Slight Self-Depricating!Dean  
> -Some schmoop  
> -Fluff  
> -Light dom/sub play   
> -Dom!Cas  
> -Bottoming from the Top!Cas  
> -Sub!Josie  
> -Sub!Dean  
> -Topping from the Bottom!Dean  
> -Vaginal Oral Sex  
> -Rimming  
> -Vaginal Fingering  
> -Anal Fingering  
> -Vaginal intercourse  
> -Anal intercourse  
> -Barebacking  
> -Dirty Talk  
> -Cuddling
> 
> Thanks again for reading! I will be posting the first chapter of Winter Winds within the next day or so.   
> Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel. ;-)


End file.
